Thursday, April 30, 2009

Women In The Kitchen

"The only thing that cooks better is a woman." Really?


Mojo's neck hair is nothing short of awkward. Is it awkward that I think it's awkward? Sorry. But besides being this platinum color that bursts out of everywhere, it grows outward (again, different than that all of the neighboring hair.) It makes his neck look twice as thick as it is, and in New Jersey, that's a bad thing.

Quote Of The Day

Julia: “She looks like a fun thief. Like, I don’t think I could have fun with her.”

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Text From.... Why Not?

While I doubt most FML content, and I hardly find something that is unpredictable, I like the idea that smaller tidbits of user-uploaded content are being shared in this online universe. It makes me feel like maybe a few of the people that are driving like jerks everywhere I go actually have a sense of humor, and that thought makes me release my horn a little faster.

A few weeks ago, my friend sent me to Why The F*** Do You Have A Kid? You just can't make this kind of stuff up... Or can you?

The other site that I found is TextsFromLastNight. I think the idea is really cute, and it feels more likely to have honest content, vs. F*** My Life, where people type a story out that can be dramatized or just repeated fourth hand.
(603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
(1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

American Idol Recap- Season 8

Last night's episode featured the Top Five! And the week's theme was "The Rat Pack." And since  there is no surviving rat pack member, who better to represent than.... Jamie Foxx? Don't get me wrong, I love Jamie Foxx. If it was Ray Charles week, then yay! If it was In Living Color Week, perfectamundo! But, Rat Pack? Whatever, I've moved on.

First up was Kris Allen, choosing "The Way You Look Tonight." He did well, he sounded very rat pack-ey. Randy said it was his best performance of the competition, and while I think this is a genre that suited him, I think he could have been stronger overall.

Second of the night was the last girl standing, Allison Iraheta. She sang "Someone To Watch Over Me," and I really believe that the song was written with her performing it in mind many moons ago. It's actually too bad that rat pack isn't a style now, because it seems to suit them all well. Side note: Her hair looked a lot better than it has throughout the whole season.

Matt Giraud sang "My Funny Valentine." Now, I have continued to be a fan, but he deserved to go home on the heels of that performance. It was pitchy and a little boring. When he belted his notes: Spectacular! But spectacular mixed with not great does not equal American Idol. I was a little excited when Randy said it was "pitchy," because that's what I said! I was a lot surprised when Simon said "Absolutely brilliant."

Danny Gokey was up fourth, with "Come Rain Or Come Shine." I love this song! I fell pretty hard for his rendition of it, as well. He was completely on point and the judges pointed out his newly found swagger, which never hurts!

And last of the evening was Adam Lambert with "Feeling Good." I never actually knew the name of this song, so I was pretty excited to hear it. The notes he can reach are basically in human, and he is a legit superstar by this point. This, however, was my least favorite performance of his in the whole show. Paula: "It's like watching the Olympics, and you are our Michael Phelps." So was last night drunk driving day, or bong hitting day?


My Watchdogs. Literally. Watching.

Quote Of The Day

Me: “Poppy, you are obsessed with pens.”

Grandpa: “Oh yeah, for many years now, and wallets, and watches. I just love them all so much.”

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

10 Weird Uses For Vodka

When thinking of uses for vodka, I can't help but to think of my old roommate, Gianna. AKA Vodka Queen. She liked her Grey Goose, in the freezer, and would constantly check her fill line, as if any of us cared to steal her potato grain fermentation. I saw her use it as a breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack, game, pre-game, just about everything. And thanks to TheDailyGreen, here are some more uses:

While I don't think I will be spritzing my laundry with vodka to freshen it up, (DUI anyone?), I am seriously contemplating making my own Soothing Lavender Tincture. And of course, getting great and shiny hair. That DUI thing does rear its ugly head there, too, though...

Keeping Tabs On Obama

Say what you will about the future of America's government, and Obama's affects in every facet of economy and legislature, there is one thing I think everyone can agree on: The digital landscape will forever be made to be a necessary channel for politics. This great site helps us laymen keep "tabs" on President Barack Obama. Want to remember what his campaign promises were, and to know where we currently stand with them? Want to know who he has as cabinet members currently? This site is comprehensive enough... for me, at least. I love how this world of information is getting more streamlined by the day!

A Big Meal Makes You Hungry

One of the few things that has always stuck with me from growing up with very sporadic "Judaism" in my life is the fact that if you eat a big meal, you will be hungrier. And no, this is not because my bubba made enormous meals and we gorged ourselves. But actually, the day before Yom Kippur, the day of atonement and fasting, people eat inordinately large meals the night before to increase their hunger and suffering for the following day. 

And for the entire medical and breakdown, check this article out. Leave it to The Wall Street Journal to get all technical, and crap.
Breakfast: Loading up on lean protein -- ideally from egg whites or a protein shake -- in the morning reduces hunger all day long. Eating muffins, bread, sweetened cereal and juice does the opposite. A study of 30 overweight women at Saint Louis University School of Medicine found that those who ate eggs for breakfast consumed 140 fewer calories at lunch, and ate less for the next 36 hours, compared with women who ate bagels in the morning.


While I love my friends Robert and Melissa, shown above, I would like to extend my olive branch of friendship out to Vincent Pastore as well. See him? In the middle? We sat next to him at La Mela on Mulberry Street in Little Italy, and let me just tell you, all parties involved were lucky he was tucked into the back of his table, surrounded by a harem of older Italian men. Why? Because as I tried to pay attention to my chicken francaise, I was holding myself back from running up to his table and screaming, "WHY? Why would you hurt Tony Soprano like that? He loved you like a brother! You really are a Big Pussy! Also, let's be friends."

Quote Of The Day

Me: “You should wear a beige shirt on Saturday, so everyone can know that we are brother and sister.... I am crying!”

Jordan: “Hahahaa, you’re laughing at the beige shirt thing, eh? You’re gonna live a good life amusing yourself.”

Monday, April 27, 2009


Quit Smoking! 
It's the spring, at an average of 93 degrees this weekend. In order to save this floundering ozone (It cannot be 93 degrees in April in the northeast) and increase breathability, I will start at home. Mojo is no longer allowed to smoke. Any other takers?

Quote Of The Day

Alex: “Do you have a blender?”

Me: “No, but oh, I have the magic bullet!”

Alex: “What’s that? You killed Kennedy?”

Friday, April 24, 2009

No Poops, No Oops

Let me preface this post by saying that PooTrap has not hired me to advertise their product. If they had, I would most definitely still be writing this same exact content.

The best place to start is at the video itself. Take your time, soak it in so to speak, it's a little painful, but the amusement far outweighs the annoyance factors:

In case you didn't have the chance to check out the video, in short, it is a video truly elaborating on the product called PooTrap. This product is a body length harness system to snap your dog into. Around the dog's anus, there is a two-pieced magnet that you can remove the outer piece to attach a bag around, and then snap the magnet together again. After the dog poops into said device, its owner must then remove the magnet, peel off the plastic bag, tie that bag, throw it out, and remove the harness straps from all around their dog. And this device, this creation among creations, is to aid in the ease and cleanliness of picking up your dogs' feces while outdoors. Sounds easy, right?

Okay, once the video has been absorbed, there are two additional links to wrap yourselves around in order to truly alleviate any questions. For the sake of ease, here is the link to purchase from: This site is fairly comprehensive, and the genius marketers of this product really understand the USA public.

The second, and last, link is far and away my favorite. It is, from what I have gathered, the international page for PooTrap. The best section, if one were so inclined to read up is the Q and A section. Here are some of the greatest excerpts:

  • "The big difference between dogs and cats is that dogs could be trained better by human beings." Get angry, cat owners! They are clearly inferring that cats are better trained by evil demons.
  • "Some dogs might feel a bit uncomfortable in the beginning, however, after first 5 to 10 minutes, however, they will get used it it." However, however, indeed.
  • "There are many things that dog don't like, such as shower, home alone, or even dog food. However, once they are used to all these things, they will be excited. According to our survey, 98% of dogs will get used to 'PooTrap' once they try it for three days. Soon, they'll make connection between 'PooTrap' and 'going out' , and wearing PooTrap will become their favorite activity." 98%, eh? I am sold!
  • "We recommend that you put 'PooTrap' on your dogs in outdoor area. Being in outdoor indicated to dogs that it's time for them to put on 'PooTrap' , It would be a strong incentive for dogs to wear 'PooTrap' in outdoor a few times. In no time, most dogs would wear 'PooTrap' like air. The 'PooTrap' will become their second nature." Wearing it like air. You don't get better than that, I don't think.
And- I'm done.


There's a recurring theme in my father and step-mother's home. And I think it toes the line between artistic and creepy, and I completely love it. The theme: these black and white faces. The medium: mostly pillows in every room. Plus, this awesome cookie jar that scared me not because of it's drug-induced calm face, but because I couldn't imagine how expensive it was and how close it was to the counter and how klutzy I can be. 

I would absolutely love to have this same theme. Or really, any other theme aside from the one I have going on now: Dark Wood.

Quote Of The Day

Alex being emotionally supportive, as Julia's boyfriend moves for a year....

Alex: “There’s a lot of Asian girls in Seattle.”

Julia: “There’s a lot of Asian boys in New Jersey.”

Alex: “Yeah, but you’ve fished that pond and he’s going to a whole new lake.”

Thursday, April 23, 2009

A.I. Elimination Recap- Season 8

Last night's elimination threw no curve balls, and I liked it! Since this was an unprecedented night where two contestants were to be ejected, the American Idol producers certainly threw a curveball by kicking off the worst contestant right away: Lil Rounds. She made sad faces, and talked about her babies, and sang better than she had the night before, but this isn't a sympathy competition. If it were, she still wouldn't win, so her course was definitely run and then some. 

The other bottom two of the night were Allison Iraheta and Anoop Desai. Of course Anoop went home. Aside from being pitted against a girl who could potentially have a timeless and enormous career in the music industry, Anoop has been picked in the bottom three every single week. Technically, he was in the bottom one of the judges final 12, so they made him number 13. I like him, and I couldn't help but think that his parents sighed a huge breath of relief that he will be returning to medical school in "Chapel Hill!" I hope I can avoid running into more people saying that they were "shocked" or "outraged" that Anoop got sent home. Did you vote for him? No. Was he your favorite? No. Do you think he was the best, even if you thought he was good? No. Was he ever at the top of the pack? No.

Personally, the saddest parts of the night were definitely when the singers of Disco started shaking their groove thangs on stage. The women were dressed horridly, I thought I was going to see some disco balls, if you know what I mean. And KC of KC and The Sunshine Band. Seeing his disco balls may have been better than listening to them. I'm sure they were honored, and their music had a time in the past, but American Idol should have at least sprung for some back up vocals, to help the elderly out.

Snapshots O' Sock Loving

Something grew deep within Mojo when we moved this year: He grew an absurd, yet amusing, sock fetish. He loves them. Clean or dirty, warm from the dryer, or cold from the freezer, they are his favorite. He of course likes getting Marley to play some good old vicious tug of war, but the real surprise is his level of exuberance when a sock presents itself. It's as if by just the mere sight of sock, a large dose of cocaine has just been shot directly into his heart. There was this one time, when I was sitting on the couch with socks on, and he tried ripping one off my foot....... bad story.

Here is the visual story called "Three Socks, One Love":

Quote Of The Day

Alex: "Sometimes I even amaze myself. After all these years, you wouldn't think I could. But I am really extraordinary."

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Going Green 2009

Happy Earth Day 2009, Earthlings. In honor of celebrating Earth, I thought I would go over my more recent sacrifices in an attempt to "Go Green!" Here are US News' 10 Tips To Going Green.

I guess I should start by proclaiming this: I was an awful humanitarian! I had this seldom disclosed and ever-jaded perception of my role on this planet. How could I make a difference? I am only one person. And I'm not sure if my shifting viewpoints are a result of age or influence or changing priorities, but I like to think a little of each.

In the past year, I have become a recycler. Sure, growing up, it was my job to take the recycling from inside of the house to the bins. But as I went to college, and there were G-d only knows how many beer cans piling up everywhere, nobody recycled. That's right, folks: Fairleigh Dickinson University, with their private school income, does not believe in wasting their own resources to save this planet's natural resources. I was always really bothered that so much was wasted and thrown away, but when I left, I left with the notion that if they are doing bad, why should I do good? I couldn't produce as many cans in a lifetime personally as the Madison campus produced on a Tuesday night. I hope. But it dawned on me that relying on huge, almost corporate, institutions won't ever pay off. If I can take care of my cans, there are a few less cans.

Some day, I hope to start a committee and raise awareness, while building a legal team with proper advisement capabilities to enforce that colleges, of all places (!), invoke mandatory recycling! I'm not quite there yet.

I have also made the effort to turn off all lights as I leave rooms, I monitor my heat and air conditioning closely, I turn off water as I shave and when I brush my teeth and when I wash my face. I rinse out plastic drinking cups on average, probably, about 15 times before I throw them out. I reuse plastic bags. These have all been fairly easy compromises to make.

I am definitely looking for new ideas that I can implement in the next year, so that I can say something new has been accomplished in my green world by April 22nd, 2010. (It's a little scary typing out 2010. Ten years since the fear of Y2K!) And while I can't see my thumb ever being green, I still can't wait to have a backyard where I can plant my own seeds to yield my own fresh and organic vegetables that Marley and Mojo can annihilate before I get to them.

Thoughts On A Slow Loris

What is a Loris? Allow me to show you, because video is worth a million words: 

I thought it was creepy. As I've said before, my love for animals is not unilateral. I like my few, and that's about it. Also, anything in the vermin family terrifies me. But I do have a heart, and any animal that lifts its arms in the air for some tickling can't be all bad. Thankfully, WikiAnswers exists to enlighten the world. Here is the truth about the Loris. 

Some quick points on why to not own, touch, or like a Loris:
  • The Loris bite is toxic.
  • The Loris secretes a foul smelling toxin from its elbows which it licks and then delivers with a bite.
  • The Loris also marks its territory with urine. Constantly. For the span of its entire life.
Apparently, you can get one for twenty bucks, though. And as Brian says, "What can you actually get for twenty bucks nowadays?"

American Idol Recap- Season 8

Last night was the ever-dreaded "Disco Night." Fever? I think not. My trepidation seemed to be fairly warranted. I understand and appreciate the need to have each artist plucked from their comfort zone and be forced to prove themselves a lendable asset to everything. But at the same time: A. I do not have to like it. And B. Mot amazing artists of all time could not be plucked from their genre and sound great elsewhere. Imagine The Beatles attempting to emulate hard punk. Or Mariah Carey producing a hip hop album. Well, the latter has sadly been tried. Imagine any artist today creating a full disco album and have it not tank. But since that is the hand they were dealt, I of course felt compelled to watch.

First singer of the night was Lil Rounds, who chose to sing "I'm Every Woman." I know she has been quickly sinking to the bottom of my list in this competition, but I would like to make it clear that I love this song, and I foolishly thought she would be able to produce on this number. Wrong! It started out as "average karaoke," and then it dipped into bad karaoke at about the halfway point. At the end it physically hurt to listen to. And I kept wondering why she looked so pleased with herself throughout the song... The judges agreed. And surprise, surprise, she disagreed with the judges. Her ego is the size of her ass.

Too soon?

Kris Allen was second up, singing "She Works Hard For The Money," By Donna Summer. Maybe Kris/Chris is just a lucky name to have on the American Idol stage. It wasn't his best performance, but he adapted the song to suit himself and today, and the judges really seemed to love him. 

Danny Gokey picked "September" by Earth Wind and Fire. He completely sang his heart out! I loved how he sounded, even if I didn't like the song choice or the few changes he made to the composition. Paula said, "As a woman, I will say you have the sexiest voice ever!" Is that why I
like him so much? Hmmm....

Fourth up was Allison Iraheta with "Hot Stuff." I wanted Simon to ask her what her outfit was about, but I guess in Disco, anything goes. I thought, again, she had a great song choice, but for some reason, her voice irked me. It was all in the same range and words blurred together. She is still in the running for me, but I thought this was a weaker night. The judges disagreed and gave her glowing praise.

Adam Lambert was next. Oh, Adam Lambert. He sang "If I Can't Have You," completely reworking the song. He infused so much emotion that when Paula started tearing up, I came very close to following suit. But what was most interesting to me about last night's performance was that he pretty much didn't move any part of his body. His feet were planted still, his non-mic holding arm stayed by his side, and to convey that much passion through his voice and eyes, I am just shocked he isn't someone everyone knew way before this competition started. I don't think anyone has, or deserves, a shot at winning this competition with Adam still in it.

Last week's judges save, Matt Giraud, chose to sing "Staying Alive." I think he absolutely justified the judges saving him last week, even with a song that I don't like. He brought to life the uptempo beat while keeping a soulful twist in the song. I loved his performance.

And the final and seventh performer of the night was Anoop Desai singing "Dim All The Lights." His first couple of notes were weak. Then he really sang the song well, albeit personally a little boring. And then the very last two notes, the ones that will ring last in all voter's ears were terrible. Off-key, and so bad that Anoop himself couldn't even help but wince. I think the judges didn't focus on the bad notes, because they know that it will be his last song he will ever sing on American Idol. Poor Anoop has been in the bottom every single week, whether he has deserved to be or not. And now, he deserves to be. I think Anoop and Lil will definitely be singing their goodbyes next.


This is the typical view from my pillow on any given Saturday morning. Mojo is fervently keeping watch over my ankles and feet, ready to bark obnoxiously at all of those dangerous passersby in the outside hallway. And Marley, staring at me with her sad puppy dog eyes... She actually knows that if she stares directly at someone's face long enough, they will feel her staring. Annnnnnd- I don't remember what it's like to sleep in anymore.

Quote Of The Day

Me: “She’s ignoring me!”

Jordan: “Who wouldn’t? You’re more annoying than the Spanish girl from 'White Men Can't Jump.'”

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

New York City Garbage Sculptures

I know, I know.... When I first heart the term "New York City Garbage Sculptures," I thought of crusty leftover garbage growing live bacteria's on the sidewalks of Chinatown. How wrong- and right- I was! A 25 year old, from Connecticut of all places, named Justin Gignac, has taken "Going Green" to a whole new level!

He has decided to collect trash, place said trash artfully in clear plastic cubes, and sell each box for fifty dollars. I had an instant "WHY did I not think of that!' moment, but it passed when I remembered my gagging almost instantly near the smell of real garbage. Hopefully, he doesn't get tracked down by an angry swarm of street combers looking for their 5 cent recycling returns. I applaud his creativity and level of business savvy. I even think the boxes are a cute idea, but then the thought of a plastic crack emitting a rotten funk quickly vaporizes the word "cute" from the equation. If I had to pick one on the spot, I think I would go with Cube #163, which contains a kit kat wrapper, a can of diet coke, a cigarette butt, a match box, a Heineken label, some string, a marlboro box and a parking receipt.

I hope he does well, while I also hope I never see such a box in an actual New Yorker's apartment. On second thought, I'm still pretty pissed I didn't think of this.


Caught red- and brown- handed.... When my grandmother decided to "sneak" a chocolate covered strawberry, I decided to "sneak" a shot. She is too cute! And hovering around the five foot mark, that strawberry is like a pineapple to her.

Quote Of The Day

Alex: (Looking at his wedding proofs...) “Look at the day we had!”

Julia: “Ooooh, I wanna eat the clouds.”

(This pretty much sums up my yesterday and today: "Mmmmmmm clouds."

Monday, April 20, 2009


Belly Rolls!!! Actually, those are much more like upper back rolls. It took me more than a few glances to realize how unflattering this shot actually is. And Ollie is in the corner, wondering why anyone would be so interested in a bully stick when you could be PLAYING!! But you don't get that girth from running around, Ollie!

Quote Of The Day

Aaron: “I’m sorry I freaked out on you yesterday.”

Julia: “My feelings don’t hurt.”

Friday, April 17, 2009

Be Careful, Art School

What would have happened if he hadn't been rejected from art school? Roses and thatched roofs might have been the extent of his reach.

Also: Mole-y, mole-y, mooooooleeeeyyyyy, mole.


I call this "The Yoga Bowl" even though real yoga enthusiasts would point out that it's more like a slight stretch in one direction. That's my yoga, okay?

This is by my father's entryway at their beach house, and I have to admit, I seriously contemplated sticking it in my trunk, covering it with everything I could find, and breaking the glass to stage a robbery. And the only think that stopped me was thinking how its name would have to change from "The Yoga Bowl" to "The Dog Bowl." (If you know what I'm saying.....)

Quote Of The Day

Julia: “How old is Alex again? Shouldn’t he not be doing that stuff anymore? Isn’t there an age cap with baked goods? There’s a certain age where you need to stop taking baked cookies to get baked.”

Thursday, April 16, 2009

A.I. Elimination Recap- Season 8

Jennifer Hudson and Miley Cyrus were set to perform on the same platform. Ew and yuck.

During the shows' opening, there was another car commercial (*zing* I don't know/care which one!) and then the group of 7 performed a song together. Did anyone else notice that Matt Giraud was front and center? In both parts of the songs, front stage and on the walkway, he was directly in the front and middle of everyone. And in the commercial, all contestants were miniature on magazine covers, and he was the life sized guy purchasing the magazines and smiling at them on his passenger seat as he drove off.

The bottom three were Anoop Desai (again), Lil Rounds (thankfully!), and Matt Giraud. The votes decided that Matt was going home, but the judges decided to use their one-time save so that he gets another shot. Simon had mentioned that between Matt and Lil, they would only be using their save on one of them. I hope she realizes that it meant the judges don't want her in the competition anymore. So now, next week, two contestants will be voted out. Lil and.... who?

I made the mistake of starting to listen to Miley Cyrus' performance. She is so nasally, it was awful. I felt embarrassed for her, momentarily, until she started shaking her bangs like a crazy and proud rock star, in her up-do and sequined evening gown attempting to sing a ballad. It could have been a lot better. But, on a good note, I now know that I can never trust my cousin Jillian's taste in music!


Pupils really make the dog. 
Am I right? Eh?

Quote Of The Day

Adam: “Apparently, you can burn up to two calories a minute just kissing.”

Alex: “Let’s go make out in the corner.”

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

American Idol Recap- Season 8

Last night...
Me: "Does Ryan Seacrest have a mohawk thing going on?"
Julia: "I don't know. He has a major case of gay face all the time."

Last night's episode was based around cinematic movie tunes. Quentin Tarantino was the week's "mentor," and since he has so much experience as a singer, or a singing coach, I think that was a brilliant choice- not at all a very thinly veiled and desperate attempt to gain coverage where coverage may have been lacking.

The first singer of the night was Allison Iraheta. "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing," by Aerosmith, seemed like a good, albeit immature choice. I think she did a good job. I think she could be singing a lot better at this point in the competition. She sounded like she was scratching the surface of her projection and this is not the song to be reserved with. The judges liked it more than I thought they would.

Anoop Desai was second with "Everything I Do, I Do It For You" by Bryan Adams. Quentin suggested he growled, which just further proved to me that he was an absurd choice to mentor these guys, he couldn't have ever seen Anoop sing if he thought he was capable of that. On one hand, his voice sounded incredible, but could I stand 12 songs? Highly doubtful. It was boring, and generic, and blah.

Adam Lambert chose "Born To Be Wild," and I was disappointed before he started singing. Such a bad song! So out of touch with today. And he sounded like Adam, which is great and the best and all that, but it's a song I could never stand to have on my playlist. However, his performance did inspire Paula Abdul's greatest quote of all of ever! Paul: "Adam, the reason that you're shaking up this whole competition is that you dare to dance in the path of greatness, you do. And fortune rewards the brave and you're one of the bravest contestants I've ever seen." Barf-laugh-barf-laugh.

Matt Giraud picked "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman," again, by Bryan Adams, from Don Juan Demarco. I thought it was just boring and mediocre. Have you ever really asked a woman for her advice on your song picks? Or a man? Or anyone that isn't trying to sabotage your stay on American Idol?

When they announced that Danny Gokey was going to be singing "Endless Love" by Lionel Ritchie, I wanted to throw in the towel! It started off a little "pitchy," got better, but was never great. Abyssmal song choice from the start though. Even Simon commented that the song obviously meant a lot to him, so he held back. But if the song means that much to him, he should have added riffs and filled it with passion. He did neither.

Kris Allen came through with the strongest strong choice of the night, in my opinion. He picked "Falling Slowly" from Once. Finaly!! Great perfect amazing song choice. I love this song so much! He keeps growing so much in this competition. He makes me feel like a neglectful proud parent. Like, I had favored his siblings, but he keeps getting better and now I want to put his face as a bumper sticker on the back of my mini-van. Randy said it never caught on and was pitchy, and I think he is out of his head. By the way, Kara said one of his best performances ever.

Lil Rounds rounded up the evening with "The Rose." My first thought: How is this at all the type of song the judges have been all but begging her to sing? She started the first HALF of the
song sounding strange and nasally. I liked how she got more "gospelly" in the second half, I just still thought the pace was killing me and she never sounded good. Not great, not good. Really, it's time to go home to your many babies.


Here, Grandpa makes the ever-fatal mistake of making some Marley eye contact...

Somehow, she seamlessly meanders over to his lap, appearing to be content. (And maybe a touch sad.)

If you know what to look for, you know that here, she is mapping out her next motions to get near his face. He obviously doesn't know there is scheming underfoot, or on lap.

As she makes a closer move, Grandpa finally seems to catch on....

I wonder if they both know how much they have in common. Interests: Food and Companionship. Hobbies: Eating, Napping, Eating, and Napping.

Emily Valentine

“Feathers are my paint. Over the last ten years I have developed my own technique and style using feathers from road kill, cat kill and dead pets. Recently I have moved into a new source of feathers. I have been trapping and killing the registered pest, the Indian Mynah bird. With these feathers I made Mynah Collie 2007, a feathered dog, one of my dog flu series, and it was awarded a merit prize in the Norseweart, the New Zealand Contemporary Art Award."

Ms. Emily Valentine has come a long way from her 90210 years. Still creepy, though. Thanks for finding her, Chunnel!

Quote Of The Day

Jordan: “I'm watching mad tv.”

Me: “Watch SNL, you'll learn something.”

Jordan: “I don't need to learn anything, for I know everything.”

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Baby Toupee

And while I am on the subject of babies, here is Is it just me, or has this site jumped over the line between funny and creepy? 

Don't think I forgot about the pups, either.


I took this at my friend Omayra's baby shower a whole lifetime ago. Literally. That life may only be four months old right now, but still, a life nonetheless. I just stumbled across this and wanted to share it. Far and away, the funniest baby boy outfit ever created.

Quote Of The Day

Me: “This is one of my favorite bands of all time: Simon and Garfunkel.”

Jillian: “Ew, Aly. They're like f***in' mosaic art people.”

Monday, April 13, 2009


Big smiles! It's funny how my brother and aunt don't look alike, never have, and yet somehow, look beyond related in this picture. Don't you think?

Quote Of The Day

Julia: "What's wrong with you!?"

Alex: (Looking extremely serious...) I just don't know."

Friday, April 10, 2009


At least he matches Burberry. You gotta look at the silver lining.

Quote Of The Day

Jordan: "I'll go to your guy and get a japanese hair straightening."

Me: "Not Japanese! Brazilian Keratin Treatment."

Jordan: "Oh, G-d. Same thing. No, you know what? I can make up a name, too. Israeli Moshnini Treatment. $50,403, please. It permanently straightens hair for one day."

Me: "And what is your technique?"

Jordan: "We have a Jewish woman clap her hands with your hair between them for days at a time."

Me: "Yet it only lasts on day. Good idea. Patent it."

Thursday, April 9, 2009

A.I. Elimination Recap- Season 8

The bottom three last night:

  • Lil Rounds
  • Anoop Desai
  • Scott McIntyre
Anoop shouldn't have been there, even though Lil was excused to safety first. And, finally, Scott was released from the awkward and painful performances plaguing American Idol this season. I hope he has a successful and happy career playing the piano. He seems efficient at it. And as long as he isn't "composing" or "singing," people should be receptive.

Next week will be good, when I am no longer shaking my fist at the screen.


This is what concern looks like.

Quote Of The Day

Mom: “My hair keeps getting lighter and lighter.”

Grandpa: “Me too, in weight.”

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

American Idol Recap- Season 8

Last night's episode was one where the contestants could pick any song from any genre that was released in the year that they were born. Am I jealous of having to make that decision? Not even slightly. Will I judge them all for falling almost entirely flat* on their faces? Absolutely. *Pun was only intended in reference to Scott, who was and is always, flat.

First of the night was Danny Gokey, born April 24th, 1980, and the group elder. He sang "Stand By Me," which at first I was thrilled about, but then it sank in that he wasn't born in the sixties and therefore would be performing a bad remake. And that's just what he did. Did he sing the song well? Yes. Should he have? NO.

Kris Allen didn't have a whole lot to live up to to outdo the Gokey this week, so having been born June 21st, 1985, he picked "All She Wants To Do Is Dance." Personally, another WTF moment. From all of 1985, this wouldn't have even entered my top 100 list. Again, he sounded nice. But the song, ew. And is nice good enough?

Third up was Lil Rounds, born October 20th, 1984. I'm not going to lie, she is definitely an idol for being that old and having that many kids. She decided to sing "What's Love Got To Do With It," which just proves to me that her ego is so huge it is shoving her off the stage and into the bottom group for tonight. She came onstage and imitated the great Tina Turner. But can anyone do a good Tina Turner impersonation? 'Cuz Lil cannot. She sounded alright, but she made the song just plain and boring and as the judges always say, totally lacked artistry.

Anoop Desai, born December 20th, 1986, finaly gave me hope for the night. He sang "True Colors" and he modernized it and sounded really incredible. My brother's a big Anoop fan, and maybe now I can finally see why. Simon called him "...A singing yo-yo. This week was good and last week was abysmal." I don't even know how I want him to fare next week, because I have my favorites already...

Fifth up was my favorite, Mr. Scott McIntyre. All I wanted was for the judges to be honest, and treat him as they treat everyone else on the show. After finding out he was born June 27th, 1985 (WHAT?), Ryan announced he was going to be singing "The Search Is Over." Heard of it? Shocker! He picked an unpopular song, he was atrocious. When the judges commented on him choosing to use an electric guitar, he said he was trying t show his diversity and bring out his punk rock side. Paula commented that his sense of humor was infectious, but joking he was not. He is serious. This show is bleeding credibility with this guy still on it.

The youngest, born April 27th, 1992, was Allison Iraheta with my favorite song choice thus far, Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me." She is a baby, but her voice doesn't know it. The judges says he reminds them of Kelly Clarkson, which is not only a huge compliment but also true. I was so excited by her song choice this week that I held back from clapping on my couch even before she sang her first note.

Matt Giraud was seventh to perform, with "Part Time Lovers" after we learned he was born May 11th, 1985. I will just say one thing: Justin Timberlake performed the sh*t out of that song!

And the last of the night, AKA the one who my DVR cut off so I didn't get to see his baby picture, was Adam Lambert. He sang "Mad World," which is one of my favorite "modern" songs of all time. If you listen to the power with which he reaches those notes so effortlessly, you know he was meant to be on stage. He recreated the song just enough, made it his own just enough, and out sang everyone else incredibly! The judges had no time to speak, so only Simon got to just stand up and give him a standing ovation.


Ladies and gentlemen.... Your next American Idol!
Just kidding. But seriously, aren't dogs a little creepy? I am trying to watch TV, you know, with singing and movement and pictures. And she is trying to watch my face.

Quote Of The Day

Tristan: “You know what I like about Christmas? Spending the whooooole day with my family.”

Maureen: “You’re like a hallmark card.”

Tristan: “And... Presents.”

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I Thought Brazil Was Heavenly...

Everything about Brazil had always appealed to me: gorgeous beaches and tropical weather and a laid back lifestyle. Until two or three years ago, when I saw a horrifying expose on TV about parasites caught while people vacationed and traveled through South America. There was more than one instance of parasites infecting a person while they were in Brazil. To the woman who ate slightly uncooked fish because she was too lazy to go back to the fire and finish her meal, maybe a stomach bug, literally, shouldn't have been too shocking. To the man who bathed in some river or lake, and then twenty years later saw a small wriggle swim across his eye only to find out that he had microscopic parasites swimming freely all around his body since his fateful "vacation." Eyeballs, bugs- Brazil is quickly losing it's appeal.

Then there's the waxing. And I think the general superficiality of the common Brazilian is shocking. You think Beverly Hills is bad? Try Rio! I read that people spend more money on plastic surgery treatments there than anywhere else in the world. It's a shame. That cosmetic expertise could have been better applied here or here.

And lastly, the Brazilian Keratin Treatment, commonly referred to as BKT, is what I just underwent. It's not that I don't like curly hair, it's that my curls are so tight that when dry, the curls lock into one another and form this solid structure of hair that reminds me of a bad cartoon mom. Think Didi from the Rugrats, but upside-down. The results look great, so far, but not being able to put in a hair tie, or a clip, or a drop of water or styling product is starting to wear thin. Not to mention the process itself. I won't go into the sharper pain details, because the crown of my scalp is incredibly sensitive, so therefore, a singular experience. But the burning of openings on my face!! Whoa! My hairdresser warned me to keep my eyes closed. And like a child to flame, I kept my hand over the fire until I knew what kind of "burning" he meant. To clarify, he meant the kind that goes from zero to ninety nine in .121 seconds. The involuntary tears rejecting the burning from my body stopped- after five hours. And we took a number of breaks due to "dead ass" syndrome. But the worst? The burning up my nostrils and down my throat as I breathed when mother nature took her vengeance out on me and didn't shoot the breeze for a few minutes here and there throughout. Here's to hoping that by using the proper and expensive shampoo, and holding off on the initial shower as long as my loved ones will allow me to, that this will last longer than I hope it will.

*Note: If you are considering this treatment, bring a fan and keep it directly in front of your face, and it will be a pleasure.


Inter-species rule of thumb: 
Avoid eye contact, avoid responsibility.

Quote Of The Day

Krystena: “Poor sound quality totally makes me nauseous.”

Me: “Yet eating soup that had a hair in it is fine.”

Krystena: “I didn’t eat the actual hair, and no, that doesn’t bother me at all.”

Monday, April 6, 2009


That gorilla wants to eat those poor monkeys. And I just want to cut their nails.

Quote Of The Day

Alex: “My woman isn’t really a lady, she isn’t thirty six yet.”

Julia: “And what does that make you?”

Alex: “A man?”

Me: “Also, a pedophile apparently.”

Friday, April 3, 2009


I took these over the weekend in Long Island, while my cousins played football on the school field. Illegally, might I add. To be one of two female cousins within a thousand mile radius and amongst 15 male cousins is to know boredom at a school field.

Quote Of The Day

Aly: “Thanks for rubbing your herpes all over my hand.”

Carrie: “You’re welcome. Sharing is caring.”

A.I. Elimination Recap- Season 8

This week, the not-so-talented-of-late Megan Joy was eliminated. Joining her in the bottom three were Anoop Desai and Allison Iraheta. Allison so entirely did not deserve to be there.

Megan was manic, truly unsettling, she made crazed faces, epitomized awkward, and was overall obnoxious. I want to say that she has a niche music career ahead of her, but after her antics, I am not sure I care any longer also, Simon.

I think to really see what I mean, you should just give this video 2 minutes. And I will give you two words: Bird and HowDidWeNotSeeThisSooner?

Thursday, April 2, 2009


Every healthy relationship knows that the secret to success is a good give-and-take.

Quote Of The Day

Jordan: “That’s how I order them ? Word for word, 'How would you like your eggs?' 'Over medium, now!' That’s the right terminology? Seriously though, forget the 'now.' Over medium?"

Me: “Yup.”

Jordan: “Not over easy medium?”

Me: “NO.”

Jordan: “Why?”

Me: “That’s like saying, ‘I want my steak rare well done.’”

Jordan: "Like you know."

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Charlie The Unicorn

According to some folks, this is the video to watch. So I did. The awkward laughter I let out during its entirety should get some recognition, I suppose. The end justifies the means. Candy mountains are dangerous. And most importantly, perky is always something to be cautious against. Also, annoying voices are hard to say no to. Oh, so many life lessons.

The 20 Male Poses On Facebook

Ah, social networking! It has to amuse you how pictures are taken, how pictures have now become the epicenter of a great night out. Gotta chronicle it! Make sure it looks good!

Thanks to 2birds1blog, we can at least have a comprehensive list of The 20 Male Poses On Facebook.  2funny! Below: The Accidental Self-Photographer Shot!


American Idol Recap- Season 8

Last night's episode of American Idol allowed the contestants to choose any song they wanted from the ITunes library, as long as it was a popular download. I would have loved to know what they "deemed" popular, especially after hearing a few of the picks. But very smart, American Idol. How can you increase the amount of ITunes downloads? Go to already proven ITunes downloaded best-sellers! It did make me a little sad that their mentor this week was an application, but hey, Fox is relevant, right?

First singer of the night was Anoop Desai, performing Usher's "Caught Up." His face he makes is almost sexual, but it really creeps me out. As if he was saying, "I'm trying to seduce you plus there's a bad smell in here." The backup singers killed the song for me, but most importantly, it was blah.

Megan Joy Corkrin, second up, decided on Bob Marley/Lauryn Hill's "Turn Your Lights Down Low." Really, Megan? Out of those two performers, you couldn't pick a better crowd pleaser? You should be eliminated on that, alone. She sounded flat. She is still likeable, but I am starting to doubt if her entire CD would be worth buying, instead of just ITunes downloading a single. Get it? Get it, ITunes?

Danny Gokey picked the Rascall Flatts' "What Hurts The Most." How can someone not love him? His voice is always on point, with this sweet vulnerability. His performance definitely reminded me that I was actually watching finalists perform.

Fourth up was Allison Iraheta with "Don't Speak" by No Doubt. I immediately thought: "This is exactly what she is meant to sing." And I was so right, if you could get past her clothing. The judges proceeded to murder her outfit, deservedly so.

Scott McIntyre was numero cinco. He took Billy Joel's "Just The Way You Are." I laughed out loud in a millisecond. Why did he shout his second note out of nowhere?? Someone? He sounds dated, and you can hear him pushing out notes when he remembers to. Why would he rewrite Billy Joel? Scott: De doesn't need your help. You sure as all hell need his. I can't stand this for much longer. Constructively, the judges were right, this is exactly the song he should be singing. Except he changed the song, to be something nobody should be singing.

Matt Giraud performed "You Found Me" by The Fray. He looked better than ever, but he started a touch flat. I think the song was powerful, and he got stronger and better as the song progressed. I didn't think the song was popular, or recognizable enough. And I agree with the judges, he is more soulful than indie-rock. And he said he was trying to show the world he can do more than the soul singing. But professionals, and the voters, are telling him that no, he can't.

Lucky number seven? Lil Rounds chose to sing "Surrender" by Celine Dion. I didn't even know whose song she chose until I looked it up. I really think she started out flat. Theme of the night? She sounded whiny. She made me wince. She is no Melinda Dolittle.

Adam Lambert sang the daylights out of Wild Cherries' "Play That Funky Music." Making it contemporary was his goal, and I have to say, he is eerily great at making old anew. The chorus stayed the same, unfortunately because it did verge on cheesy that way, but maybe changing too much would have been strange. I feel like he is wildly ahead of everyone in every way, and he should be pulled from the competition and given his own Adam show, so I can watch more of him. And I guess also so other people have a shot at winning.

And closing the show was Kris Allen, singing "Ain't No Sunshine." Switching from guitar to piano, I would like to first say that it would take a lot for me to ever dislike this song, unless maybe Scott "deconstructed" it. I think it was a beautiful and modern rendition, and he was among my favorites of the night, if not my favorite. Also, his unhinged jaw seemed to be more in place.


I call this: NaNaNaNaPooPoo
I'm not sure if I was mid-blink here or really about to pass out, so allow me to point out the only important thing about my face here: It is Marley's wall to hold herself up.

Quote Of The Day

Aly: "Omg, you have officially ruined my day."

Alex: "Well, it doesnt take a lot."