My dogs don't hump. It's refreshing. Every once in a while, Mojo likes to to try and get laid the old fashioned way, going in for a Marley kiss. But she likes to play Bored Married Couple, and avoids the kiss while shoving him off of her. That's my girl!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
This website, TotallyLooksLike.com is pretty accurate. Instead of comparing non-celebrities to the stars, this blog actually compares celebrities with fellow celebrities, cartoons, anything. My favorite is Al Roker looking like Ollie Williams. TOTALLY!!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
If you are lucky enough to find the happy medium of Manhattan, also known as the rooftop deck, take advantage! You'll know you're there when you realize you are existing in between polluted fog and dirty subway steam. It's kind of magical. I love seasons so much, the differences between a colorful spring day followed by a green and plush summer day. But there's something so intriguing about the New York City Skyline: It's impervious to seasons. Good thing the Empire State Building let's us know what day it is!
For those of you who have ever doubted my taste in men, of which there are many of you, I again fight that Benicio Del Toro is beautiful. Despite the bags under his eyes, despite his often unfortunate bad photo. He is not just charming on screen, he is BENICIO.
The following is proof of short tempers running rampant in my family, having skipped over yours truly by the grace of G-d:
Dad: (to my brother) “Wanna see where you get your temper from?”
Jordan: “What happened?”
Dad: “I punched it.”
Jordan: "Why? You didn't save something?"
Dad: "No, it kept turning off and I'd turn it on and it would heat up but kept dying."
Jordan: "Ugh, I wanna punch it myself right now!!"
**Please note: Not only is punching a laptop deemed both reasonable and normal, but Jordan also would seem to think that punching a computer because the user failed to save something would also be an adequate explanation.
Alpha Mummy posted this article called, "What Did Your Childhood Taste Like?" I loved the idea, and I loved reading everyone's posts and comments following it.
Here is what came to mind:
-Tomato soup- with alphabet noodles
-Meatloaf with mini potatoes
I know I ate my weight in plain cheerios many times over as a child. Interestingly enough, thinking back on childhood foods, I remember more of my little brother's choices.
I wonder how much he remembers:
-Iced-tea made from powdered mix, way too strong
-Top Ramen Oriental Noodle Packets
-Fruit By The Foot
-Chocolate Ice Cream with sprinkles (to be replaced with marble crunch by Carvel)
-Challah french toast
-Tuna subs from Subway
-Bacon, lettuce, and mayo sandwiches
-Snickers, which has since been replaced with Baby Ruth bars
-Goldfish and Cheezit crackers
-Steak with A1 sauce, since the time he could say "A I"
Looking back on these lists, it's amazing Jordan has made it this far!
It took me a moment to realize why Mojo always looks so sleek and clean coming back from the groomer's. They blow dry his hair. I draw the line at infrequent brushing... Because first it's blow drying his hair, and before you know what's happened, it's hand-feeding him slices of filet mignon on a riverboat in Italy, and quite frankly, he's not a strong swimmer.
Friday, October 24, 2008
I was never much for audiobooks. For me, reading has to be an entirely devoted act. I want to hold a book open, and spin around finding the most comfortable position that can only last twenty five minutes- tops. I want to pause where I see fit to imagine all that is left unsaid. And more than anything, I know that if I am not physically occupied, I will try to listen while I do dishes, my nails, wash the dogs, scrub the carpet, read another book. I cannot be trusted.
With all of that being said, HELL YES I would listen to a book narrated by Brad Pitt. And not only because I am in love with everything he does, aside from leaving his wife for a charlatan gone Mother Theresa gone Mormon. His voice is the perfect voice to listen to. Agree or disagree?
Here's the link to hear him: Amazing, with a less than perfect shot at Spanish.
Here's the link for the full article: Slate.
My friend Mike shared this link with me, PalinAsPresident. So I thought I'd share it with everyone else. Make sure to turn on sound. And if you are like my brother, and cannot under any circumstances get flash to work, here are a few page highlights:
- A piece of paper tacked on the wall with the baby name options Carport, Cashew, Rake, and Purple she can throw darts at to choose.
- Blank frames where degrees are supposed to be, and when clicked, she says "Didn't graduate."
- Burning books on the other side of her oval office door.
- A hidden bulldog eating/wearing lipstick hidden in her desk.
- Screaming protesters when a window is opened.
- Nearby oil drilling when another window is opened.
- The running tally of Wolf Kills as you click on the desk.
There is admittedly not much about this that I don't like. Except the ringing true factor.
Anyone that's ever been out to dinner with an eight year old boy knows that the above picture is merely a ruse to make you think he will actually eat the food that is to be placed in front of him. The truth is, that three quarters of a cup of chocolate milk he just inhaled, has filled his belly to max capacity. And even though he will ask to go to the bathroom three times in the next hour, do not think for a moment that it will have any bearing on his inability to eat dinner.
Still, it's good to hope!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Some people have dogs that sit. Or stay. Or speak on command. Some people have dogs that can be walked off leash, and some people have dogs that actually bring the newspaper and don't just shred it. There are dogs that can ring a bell to be let out. But my dog? He walks on air, so top that, people with obedient dogs.
Monday, October 20, 2008
After finding out Tristan forgot all of his games at a friend's house:
Maureen: "What happens when you forget things?"
Tristan: "I'm not saying it."
Maureen: "Well, it doesn't really matter."
Pat: "Hey is for horses."
Tristan: "I didn't say that kind of 'Hey!'"
*A little gets lost in translation, because I can't write just how off-the-cuff and quickly this eight year old had a snippy comeback while pouting- deciding whether to cry or punch a wall.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Meet my grandfather. To be honest, I was not witness to this picture. I saw it on my brother's phone, and since then, I have only been able to imagine what could have been the propeller to this. Possibilities include asking him if he wants to watch The View, with Whoopi Goldberg, asking him if he thinks Whoopi Goldberg is attractive, or asking him if he wants to marry Whoopi Goldberg. More than likely, Jordan just instructed the pose. I used to bother asking him why he hated Whoopi so fervently, and every time, the answer was the same. Exasperated, he would say: "She's got NO eyebrows!"
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
I've seen homeless men sleeping on park benches. I have seen children climbing over the tops. I have seen readers, fighters, geezers. I have seen eaters, daters, the contemplative and the content. I have seen my dog leap over it in anticipation on some magical jumping prize that doesn't exist. Mostly, I see empty benches, usually collecting water and dust with paint chips in the process of curling up and flaking off. But I have never, ever seen a man inserting himself into bench openings.
And I thought Hong Kong was just like any other city!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
He's been watching too much America's Next Top Model... But it's proven to be "worthwhile," because he has officially mastered Tyra's awkward, ugly is beautiful pose.
*Side note: I showed this picture to Jordan, and he said "Underfed much? That dog needs a feeding tube!" This, coming from the guy who says Marley is huuuuuge. Nothing's every good enough, huh?
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Dear Impulse for Men,
Listen, I don't want to know what you sell. The tailored shirts hanging in your window put up an unrealistic front. This is America! Maybe you should be a little more discreet, as there were children walking by even as I snapped this picture. Go back to the red light district, or change your name. Perverts.
Alex: “Happy New Year is January 1st. Jews and Chinese just cant seem to get their shit together on this point. I don’t know why, but stop running your life by a lunar calendar.”
Me: “I hate you.”
Alex: “I love me. I love me so much that I don’t even care that you hate me.”
My friend sent me a link for a "funny Sarah Silverman" video, and I thought, it must be 15 seconds long. 15 seconds has been the longest I have ever really enjoyed Sarah... Until now! She has made a video called "The Great Schlep" urging Jewish grandchildren of the greater tri-state area to venture down to Florida to beg our grandparents to vote for Obama.
It's completely worth the 4:22 of everyone's time though. And while it's sad, and hilarious because it rings true, I will never understand why die-hard democrats get so damn crochety in their old age!
Just a few of my favorite quotes:
- "You could compare an elderly Jewish woman, like Nana, to a young black man. They may seem totally different, but on paper, they're the same. I mean, think about it. Track suits! Let's start there, they both love track suits!"
- "They both say 'Yo' all the time, or Jews go right to left, 'Oy.'"
- "You know why your grandparents don't like Barack Obama? Because his name sounds scary, sounds Muslim, which he's obviously not. Yes, Barack Hussein Obama, it's a super f**king sh*tty name. But you'd think that somebody named Manishewitz Gooberman might understand that." (P.S. Grandma, if someone shows you this article, "The name Barack is a Hebrew name. It means 'lightning.' And I would much rather have a president whose name means lightning than a president whose name is John whose name means toilet, or a guy who f**ks hookers.")
Monday, October 6, 2008
Kor Water and RKS Design believe that they have created a water bottle that will mimic the portability and popularity of the I-Pod when it first came out. Click here for the article and video. I will be the first to admit that I have been eyeing a Sigg Water Bottle for quite some time. They are cool and good for the environment and sturdy like a bullet. But to think that a water bottle will be as popular as a cutting edge tiny digital media player, come on! Maybe if it were a miniature digital media player/water bottle that massaged your shoulders as you chugged from its infinite icy well, then I'd be a fan!
Friday, October 3, 2008
I was linked to this CuteOverload article: Matching Puppies! That article led me to this very talented stuffed animal artist's page, Amelia Makes Art on Etsy. It was there that I found my dog, stuffed and frizzy:
It would probably be wrong to wonder how life would really be with Mojo stuffed...
I am writing this to act as fair warning to anyone who thought they might retaliate against Julia for any number of reasons by insulting the lovely, ever-talented and creative Ms. J.K. Rowling. I, of course, would never speak of such blasphemy. Aaron dared to. And he got this taped onto his computer monitor:
You know those people who have infinity glass windows and glass doors? And they add decals or some design to the glass so that people know to not walk through them? Well, these glass doors have black separators. So maybe the huge stop sign is a bit of overkill. Okay, Dad?
And where is the dog competition? I've been thinking of sending pictures into Goodlife Recipe, because on the bag of the bags, they feature dogs with their owners. And they encourage customers to send in their photos. I think it would make me feel better about not having cutest dog competitions to enter.
Also, I thought this would be a good place to share pictures of the most cat-like dog I have ever met: Izzy, my office mascot. She is independent, only social with her parents, goes out of her way to not be touched or approached. Aside from her barking, there's not too much about her that reminds me of a dog. She was sold to my boss as a Havanese. I believe she is a Bichon Frise. He says it's because of her hair cut. I think it's because of her breed.
Look at that face! She is so humanly expressive it's almost scary. And I try every day for her to act like a dog with me. In three years, she has licked me maybe three times, and I give her treats!