Monday, June 30, 2008

Mojo has some dominance issues. He likes to keep Marley off of the mattress and banish her to the depth of hiding underneath the bed. Here he is staring her down, daring her to come out and play:

He then leapt off the bed and landed on her face, and she tried to retreat under the bed.

Here, he proudly sits, thinking he is the only dog in the frame. Her paws can't let him take all the glory.

As he heads out to inspect a slight rustling somewhere down my hallway, she checks for clearance.

This is my favorite shot. This is Marley's "I am free, but still really scared" look. She too ran towards the rustling, and then immediately pulled a 180 when Mojo realized she was out of hiding and gave up on protecting us all.

Bad Grooming

Someone recently asked me why I am letting Mojo's ear hair grow so long. And while I agree it is something I need to address, please look at one of his bad haircuts and then don't judge me and my hesitation.



Quote of the Day

Jordan: "For facebook when u get a new app what does access my information mean?"

Me: "You have to choose it or it won't work."

Jordan: "This shit's like Chinese. Imagine when I start paying bills? So f*cked."

**I never thought of Facebook Applications as the stepping stone to responsible adult living. Interesting.

Thursday, June 26, 2008


I know the sign is laying down, but either way, the arrow is pointing the wrong way.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Quote of the Day

Me: "Carrie, you chug like a man, but pee like a woman."

Carrie: (in a cute and sweet voice) "I'm a hermie."


This is what I wake up to every morning. 

Voice Me Over

You know how aspiring actors shrug the shoulders and whisper into the ground that they're currently doing voiceover work? Yeah, okay, I don't really either. But I'm pretty sure it happens. Well, voice over artists, I am your number one fan! Hi.

There are some "entertainment connoissuers (movie geeks) that will spend their twenties arguing over the fact that the movies' hidden messages get trampled on and then spat in your face when a narrarator has to dumb down plots for the viewer. (Also, this scenario, I may have just created once again.)

But all the greats have used voice overs... The Wonder Years, so magical that nobody seemed to care that inside the mind of an eight year old Fred Savage spoke a middle aged Daniel Stern. Sex and the City- this whirlwind of Manolo's and Cosmo's and middle aged women whoring themselves around the greatest city in the world.  Do you know why it was successful? Because Sarah Jessica Parker spent more time speaking and less time acting. (That was mean and uncalled for and I'm really just green with jealousy.) A Bronx Tale. Sleepers. The Sandlot

Last night, I joined the ranks of every other twenty something female on this continent, and I finally saw Sex and the City: The Movie. Without the brilliant voice-over work, I would have been able to follow the movie, would have even still enjoyed the movie, but I would have missed out on the entire experience. I laughed, I cried, and best of all, I had the entire story spoken to me so that I could "feel" the movie, rather than "think" about it. Loved it.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Quote of the Day

Carrie: (eating a powdered pop'em) "Mmmmm that one tasted a little like Indian food. I'm not really kidding at all, a lot of curry."

*Poster child for all future Dunkin Donuts commercials, for sure.


Help! What should I do with his bangs? (I refuse the whole boy in a bow thing.)

Monday, June 23, 2008

Quote of the Day

Alex: "I think I'm pretty f**king smart, and a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm pretty f**king old."

Rest Well Cardinal Ignatius Glick

Last night, George Carlin passed away, and I can't get his voice out of my head. Sure, he was vulgar and crude and cursed like, well, me. And yes, he abused drugs and alcohol and life in general, but he had kind eyes. He reminded me of an eccentric great uncle that I may or may not have ever had, as my great uncles only spoke French and pinched my cheeks. But the laughs were about the same. The Seven Dirty Words vs. humorous attempts in broken English to try and get a sentence out... tough call really. 

My stepfather had every recording he ever made on vinyl and we'd huddle around and listen to him as a family. You know, instead of wholesome TV shows with lessons and family charades. And friends have the nerve to ask me why I am so crazy! 

It's all thanks to George and general dysfunction.


What happens when a dog bites another dogs tail?

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Quote of the Day

Me: "I could go eat now if I threw up first."

Jordan: "Alright, you're not at work right now, but go for it."

Too Gross

A crazed woman in the Czech Republic slowly eats her trapped son in the basement?

Can this be real?!?!?

Friday, June 20, 2008

Home Remedies

Smart splinter remover: Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Rainy day cure for dog odor: Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.

Kills fleas instantly... Dawn Dishwashing Liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas.

Did you know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional pain relievers?

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Honey remedy for skin blemishes... cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Vinegar to heal bruises... soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process. (I need this alllll the time.)

Quote of the Day

Alex:  "This isn't purple, it's Ron Burgundy."


I love that my friend's tiki bar, which has served to get so many blindly drunk, now is precariously and permanently in that same position itself.

Thursday, June 19, 2008


I'm taking my cue from Marls today:   
Stop and smell the...... leaf.

Quote of the Day

Me: “I have an Ipod Mini."

Jordan: “Let me get that kidddddd.”

Me: “Will you work for it?”

Jordan: “No, I’ll simply come pick it up. I lost my gym partner, so I need it.”

Me: “I’ll go with you.”

Jordan: “The ipod will do, donkey.”

Day of Wonder

I am in the most incredible mood. And no amount of repeat phone calls or stupidity can ruin it. Life started to perk up last night when I stepped into the sauna that is my apartment, and was greeted with a breeze. And not an expensive air conditioned attempt at emulating nature, but a real life, leaves whooshing, crispness invigorating gust of wind. And I realized as ice cubes make Marley happy, a chill in the air makes me happy. 

Sleeping without air conditioning is a good feeling. No achy joints to wake up to, no scratchy throat, and most importantly, really clean air all around. So already, today was destined to be better than every day over the past 2 months. Walking outside, there is no stickiness, and I really think everyone driving this morning was feeling exactly like I did. Even the woman who cut me off with no signal and obviously no regard for anyone's well-being. As I passed her, her windows were down, fun music was pouring out of her car, and I just grinned. (Sometimes creeping someone out is more rewarding than a good long release of your horn.) As I got to my car, one of the construction workers stepped away from my car with a rag. And another guy was spraying my car down. Every other car in my temporary due to construction parking row was dusty and dry, but mine, shiny and wet. These guys who have started banging and drilling and digging and honking and screaming outside of my windows starting at 6 am when they are only legally start at 8 am for the past five months made my day better. Now, it might be the only day, maybe there will be more, but I just can't seem to understand why they would clean my car. It wasn't the dirtiest, they don't know who drives that car I don't think. Maybe they dropped crap all over it, and they were just getting rid of the evidence, but either way, my car is cleaner. 

Now, I just need to figure out how to bottle 69 degrees, partly cloudy with a soft breeze so that in the beginning of August, I can open my bottle and make it through another 2 months of gross.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Quote of the Day

Julia: "There's a lot of tree sperm on my car."
Alex: "Look that way, you don't say that word and look at me, 'cuz there will be a lawsuit waiting on your desk tomorrow morning."


He clearly is in awe of her..... her tongue, her ability to sit so awkwardly it looks painful, her everything.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Quote of the Day

Me: “There’s a Chinese food restaurant across the street.”
Alex: “I have a Chinese food restaurant IN MY KITCHEN. Remember that? She made me good stuff last night.”


"All of my memories keep you near
In silent moments, imagine you'd be here
All of my memories keep you near
Your silent whispers, silent tears"

Monday, June 16, 2008


The trick is getting enough height in your jump to lift the ears up and get some good air in there.

Quote of the Day

Me: "I'm gonna get you back."
Alex: "How can you get me back? I don't have any visible weaknesses, I'm your boss.... Yeah, I'm pretty sure that list is good enough."

Inside The Mind Of An 8 Year Old

So I took Tristan to go see Kung Fu Panda on Friday evening, my friend's eight year old son, and he was by far the most entertaining movie partner I can ever remember having. If you ever get a glimpse into the mind of an 8 year old boy, do not pass it up. Never again in life will things be so absolute, never will someone be more sure that whoever they are speaking to will actually believe everything they say.

In a two and a half hour time period, Tristan had consumed 1 peanut butter and fluff sandwich, most of 1 small chocolate gelato with oreos on top, 3 large pieces of Air Heads, 2 peanut butter cups, and about ten pounds of pure excitement over seeing this movie.

(In my car immediately after leaving the movie theater)

Tristan: Do you remember when Po strapped himself to the chair and it blew up?

Me: Yep, the fireworks went off.

Tristan: Hahaha it was awesome. I am hungry. Can I get a chocolate smoothie at Wendy's?

Me: You are definitely over your sugar intake for the day. You can get chicken nuggets.

Tristan: Ummm, I have only had 50% of my sugar for today. I can have the smoothie.

Me: No.

Tristan: Aly, I had the Fluff with white bread, so the white bread absorbed the sugar, so that doesn't count. (Deep in thought...) Okay, maybe I have had 89% of my daily sugar. I can still have the smoothie.

Me: Chicken nuggets.

Tristan: Okay. (Long, disappointed sigh...) Hey, do you remember when Po fell down all those stairs? And when he blew up after sitting in the chair with the fireworks?

Thursday, June 12, 2008


After a quick "rub around quickly head first demolishing a made bed" moment. Slick.

Quote of the Day

A.H.: "I love you, but not as much as I love money."

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Marley decided to share a random and somewhat friendly reminder to not bury her in an animal cemetery placed mysteriously over ancient tribal burial grounds.

Quote of the Day

(After I share my air conditioning heat wave woes)

Jordan: "Little girl who cried A.C."

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Amir and Jake

Yeah, that's right. I switched it up a bit. Jake and Amir are my idols of office life. So, I went down to The Cake Shop last night to see them, but so did a few too many other people. Yesterday, the day of record breaking highs and the basement with no circulation. How I wanted to love you! I wasn't able to stick it out down there, and sticky it was. Body odor wafting around, the odiferous bathroom wafts coming my direction. I can only last so long, and probably not as long as most. But I was able to get pictures with the two of them. Love.

Quote of the Day

Alex: "Yup, she's not slick, she's just Aly."

**I do not remember what this was in reference to, but I wholeheartedly agree.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Crazy Aunt Pearl

In my awkward online stumblings, I ran into this site: Crazy Aunt Purl.  It's cute, if you don't appreciate her tagline that includes "Because nothing is sexier than a divorced woman with four cats," then I am afraid, we cannot be friends. Or at least, you have never been a woman with irrational long term fears of commitment leaving you stranded in a situation you never thought you would find yourself in, and equally important, with a package you created with no intention of ever trying to market it. But I digress...

So, the title of her blog, and the title alone, brought back such amazing memories of my own crazy Great-Aunt Pearl, I thought I would share some of her highlights.  I will attempt to paint her picture, as I have no photos offhand. 

Aunt Pearl lived with her husband in a condo in Hollywood, Fla. And they lived with her sister, and her husband. Originally. Eventually, though, it was just Aunt Pearl living it up. 

This woman would literally cheer me on and clap and videotape me performing such hit classics as "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" and the well cherished "Alphabet Song." Her face would light up, just as if I were Ed McMahon ringing her doorbell with a huge check. (I am assuming that would be her absolute end-all.) She never ate dinner past 4:30 pm, because why would anyone miss the chance to partake in the Early Bird Special? And her favorite place to "dine" was: Sizzler's! It may not have been the greasy cheese/garlic bread concoction. It was most certainly not the proteins, which she so happily skipped over. It did, however, have something to do with her previously unawakened love of theft. No matter how much we explained that "All You Can Eat" infers that it is while the person is at the restaurant. 

Now, had she been one of those eccentric old ladies shoving her half-eaten dinner roll in her purse so as not to see it go to waste, fine. If she had been an enormously nutty woman scooping in pasta salad into Ziploc bags, a security guard would have felt pity. But she can with not one, but two, empty tote bags. And she filled them with bananas. I am not sure why she ate s many bananas, or if she felt that they were overpriced in the supermarket. I know for sure my grandmother offered to buy her bushels of bananas just to get her to stop. But she wanted "free" bananas. And she would walk with such purpose up to the fruit counter, and walk back double fisting them. Sit, endure a minute of our moans and groans, and then get up and do it again. 

We eventually stopped entertaining her and switched the options up. She could take handfuls of fortune cookies, but that was where the line was drawn. She worked in a hair salon, leaving her house every morning at 5:30 am to catch the right bus, to wash hair up until the month she died. She did not need the money, but just loved being busy and chatting with people. And if you are done with all of your meals halfway before the afternoon, maybe catching a 5:30 am bus isn't so daunting. 

She started giving her furniture away, as her fears of robbery increased. Her high rise was safe, and she was high up off of the ground, but she was still sure people wanted her furniture. So, ready for this? Instead of letting people take her things, she gave them away. It made me sad that by the time she died, she had a single twin bed, two dressers, and folding chairs in her house. But it made her feel accomplished, so who can argue?

When I helped clean her apartment out, which she had obviously given us a hand with, her bathroom cabinets with filled with full Benadryl packages. And not a few. She may or may not have ripped off a delivery man once. There was at least sixty full and unopened Benadryl boxes. A hundred-ish rolls of toilet paper. Minimal clothing and jewelry, the plastic furniture. And the strangest find: every one of her dresser drawers was filled with Lottery tickets. She bought at least 20 a week that we knew of, apparently, it had been more. And she never won. We joked how many millions she could have won by investing it. We joked that we should all be thankful she was nowhere near Atlantic City or Vegas.

Hopefully, everyone can have someone like Pearl sprinkled into their lives. She, even in her memory, is color and life and comedy and love.  

And I hope that on whatever cloud she is perched on, there are bananas and Benadryl and more.


He looks so sweet until you realize how much force I am using to hold him down for the slightest reprieve in pouncing on my neck for a minute.

Friday, June 6, 2008

My Name Made Me Smart!

I always wondered why A's came so easily to me in school. And the answer is: Aly!

Everything explained.

"...students whose names begin with letters associated with poorer performance (C and D) achieve lower grade point averages (GPAs) than do students whose names begin with A and B."

Quote of the Day

A.H.: "You're not ghetto fabulous, you're ghetto efficient. Just remember that."


How cute? A small Jersey diner tries to pull itself out of the depths of mediocrity and adds vertical dimensions to their salad? Bravo!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Quote of the Day

Alex: "Don't be upset that I know everything. Just be happy that you know someone who knows everything. I'm an asset to you."


               Somehow, Marley's scary angry face always fails to work.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Quote of the Day

Me: "I really hate the wheelchair guy in my building." (After finding out he has been writing to the governor of New Jersey every week for over the past five years to have a closer spot to the building. Even though his spot is insanely close and double the size of anyone else's, while he is also guaranteed a spot when nobody else is. So now, they are digging up the front yard of grass in front of the lobby in my building and making him his own spot. Who does that?!? I need out.)

Julia: "He's as lame as his legs. Oooh, too soon."

*Side note: Maybe if you spent a tenth of that psychotic and persistent time spent being proactive with your life or stocks, you could be buying a house of your own instead of ruining the only patch of grass your entire apartment building gathers around. I hope this spot fills the chasm in your chest where a heart is supposed to be.

**Additional side note: If anyone wants to do something ridiculous, absurd, and socially unacceptable, write the governor of New Jersey every single week until the office grants you whatever you desire.

Bye Bye Mattie

On Hell's Kitchen, there has been a candidate even more ridiculous than the idea of giving a stranger who you yell at for six weeks $250,000 and an executive chef's position at a new restaurant.

Dear Matt, Mattie, Full-Metal-Jacket-Man,

Maybe now that you are gone, I can take the competition more seriously, because to be quite honest, each day you were not eliminated, I imagined Chef Ramsey getting a stipend check for keeping you on another week by producers who think the audience is too stupid to know this is all a hoax. You are sexist, even though despite your neanderthal physical appearance, you seem to have been afflicted with a whiny female inside. You whimpered incessantly, couldn't lift bags of ice that women were lifting no problem, you perked up at the idea of a manicure, you were afflicted with migraines, and I am assuming, menstrual cramps. It disturbed me that you thought you had a slight chance to win the competition. It scares me that one day, you could be even sweeping the floors in the same building I should be eating in. I hope this entire show was an act for you. That you don't find anything you said on the show to be amusing, true, or normal. Mostly, I hope that when you get back to your mother's house, she tucks you in to your straight jacket immediately.


There's something about stepping in urine dead smack in the middle of your hallway that magically makes you impervious to the puppy dog eyes. Cute? I don't think so.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


Juxtapositions are my favorite things in the world.

Quote of the Day

Alex: "Just because God did everything doesn't mean that God has to do everything. Remember that."

Monday, June 2, 2008

The J's

Jordan, Joseph, Daniel, Eric, and Jonathan. (Missing were: Jillian, Jessica, Jared, Janice, and Joshua.) We like the J's.

Red Ball Of Fire

If only I had known ages ago how much a hollow mushy red rubber ball could entertain them. 

Quote of the Day

Julia: "Question: How would you describe your relationship? Answer: Epileptic seizures... and the foaming of zee mouth."

Mach Man

Mach 10. You may not be able to achieve even a Mach 1 sitting on the couch, but it's Mojo's talent. Not Macho- Mach.