Thursday, January 12, 2012

Cafe No Way!

I wanted to document this, for there will be a time in the future, maybe even three days from now, where my friends and I look back on this past week and think about Coffee Enema's. And I will be blamed for the topic, so I thought I would use this opportunity to jog my future lapsed memory.

One brisk day, 24 hours ago, it started with a crying baby. His poor belly distended as he lost the day's battle against constipation. After massage, oil, prunes, liquid laxatives and suppositories failed, I soldiered forward and went to the Google. Next option, after conferring with a phsysician: Time for an Enema. (Side note: crisis at least temporarily averted, so no personal knowledge of enema's effectiveness.)

On my quest to act knowledgeably, I did what most individuals so often forget to do: I researched the enema. Keep your friends close, and your....

I found a horrifically written article by a woman who fasts to make her brain smarter. I was sold. This writer uses garlic enemas as her first step. And then she moves into her favorite thing: The coffee enema. Did you know that after using a coffee enema, within minutes this woman's skin changes and instantly glows? She says it is her secret to staying young. And now, this damned coffee enema is at least in the peripherals of my every waking thought.

Livestrong has an informative article on Garlic Enema's. That scares me. I had to send it to a few friends to scare them equally.

Melissa: I was thinking of getting garlic knots, does that count?
Me: Yes, of course. (But I think the enema might go in smoother.)

Carrie: (explatives)

Any thoughts on the coffee variety?

2011 In Review

I can now officially announce that time is no longer a measurement by which I live my life. A blink of an eye? That is measureable. A mile from here to there? I totally get it. A YEAR having come and gone the way that 2011 did? I will no longer drink from that batch of fruit punch. See what I did there? I avoided a patent lawsuit.

I went to Mexico. My little brother graduated college. I learned how to tighten my dining room chairs all by myself. Mojo and Marley seem to have shorter spurts of energy. I popped my camping... errr, I went camping for the first time. And I left a bad work situation. Bad! Hahaha, one day I will unlock all of the horros that live in my head from said Staffing Agency and release it into the undeserving world around me. I made it to the one year mark which was an ultimate and seemingly impossible self-imposed goal that I created for myself two weeks into the job. This year, I've adapted and made changes and looking back on it all- I think 2012 is a deserved year off. That's right. After a hounding year, this coming one should be smooth sailing. I will let you know how that turns out.

Quote of the Day

Me: "You should bring a book with you for the flight down to Disneyworld."

Tristan: "Nah. I am not really in the whole 'I like to read' stage in my life just yet. I prefer video games and other games and stuff."