Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Who Will Save....

Your Soul?

This is Jewel performing live in Anchorage with her brother Atz Lee. I wish I had been there, I wish I could get a copy of their entire performance to yodel along with in my car. I wish, I wish.... I am exhausted.


Marley is definitely missing her couch buddy as he is away at school. Now she is left with Mojo all day, who I don't know if I have mentioned this before or not, but DOES NOT SIT STILL.

Quote of the Day

Talking about Aaron’s facial hair:

Nikki: “I know why your girlfriend likes it so much. ‘Cuz it makes you so completely undesirable to every other woman.”

Monday, September 28, 2009


Ye Olde Tickette Shoppe
*circa 2009*

Quote of the Day

Me: "My grandma has a boyfriend!"

Poppy: "Well, don't worry. I'm sure they won't be making any babies."

Friday, September 25, 2009


Her wink is terrifying....

Quote of the Day

Completely out of the "blue":

Samantha: “I had one single blueberry pancake this morning. Why I had to tell you is beyond me.”

Thursday, September 24, 2009


You have to wonder if, at least subconsciously, coming home to "Swamp Brook Path" messes with your psyche a little bit...

Quote of the Day

A.H.: “There’s pot in the cookies.”

J.P.: “Why would you do that to cookies?”

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Behavioral Targeting In Dogs

This article, while explaining a dog that may actually be a lot more intelligent and intuitive than my dogs, has really started this thought process on my dogs behavioral cues. I have this nagging notion that I am more trained than they are... If anyone has ever been in my house with me, they already know my dogs are scanning me at all times. It gets a little tricky when Mojo is running around the living room, keeping an eye on the front door for that person that has never shown himself, and watching me like a hawk the.entire.time. But he manages. And Marley seems to be less concerned with me and more concerned with the inside of her eyelids, but upon careful consideration, you will notice that if I move a single muscle, at least one eye peeks out to watch me, until she is satisfied that I am not moving anywhere towards the vicinity of the kitchen. The kitchen! That amazing place where food is taunted five feet above her head!

When my phone rings, Mojo's life pauses. And he stands dead still in the middle of the room watching my cell phone as if it were actually speaking to him. And he waits for about 45 seconds. If I remain on the phone, he goes back to his business of watching me and keeping track of that ever-pesky front door. If I hang up the phone, he knows that someone was calling me from behind my building and I should be getting up to go get the door. Actually, he has actually modified my behavior! Because I very rarely get off the phone quickly now. An actual example conversation recently went like this:

Me: "Yeah, okay, no problem. But wait! Can you stay on the phone with me for a solid minute so Mojo doesn't start freaking out?"

I keep my keys hanging on the same rack as some necklaces and the dog leashes. And they exert different levels of "psychotic" depending on which hanging piece I reach for. Necklace? A little spin. Keys? Some spinning, some panting, a little whine here or there. Leash? If you live in my county, you already know this: Frantic spinning, yelps, crazed random barks, and some leg scratches if you were stupid enough to reach for the DOG LEASH while wearing shorts. And there, again, it proves that dogs aren't behaviorally trained, but they are training me. I know very well now that if I am to reach for a leash, I am to be wearing thick jeans to reduce bleeding from my knees.

And finally, Marley, who only has eyes for food. Her heart catches in her chest when I was towards my front door. And life stops for those ten seconds while she waits to see if I turn right, towards not the kitchen, or left, towards the object of her affection. And when I decide that I am indeed, kitchen-bound, she senses the movement in my foot and is in the middle of the tile floor, tail wagging, before I can even think about where I left my cup last. I have modified my behavior of leaving my cups in the kitchen, and now leave my cups on the dining room table, so as not to disturb her nap. I have left my Brita outside of the kitchen, staying less than cold, so that she is not disturbed.

I am thinking I may be the disturbed one now....


I wish I could say something like, "Lucky shot!" or "Just the angle..." But I cannot. This is my Aunt Marilyn loving the dogs.

Quote of the Day

Doctor: “Your blood pressure is too high.”

Lynn: “Well, what do you expect?!”

*Ah, Lynn. My quick to temper friend who was so physically angry that the doctor wouldn't look her in the eyes that her blood pressure went skyrocketing up.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Ghosts Of Players Past?

Is it only me, or is this short video at all creepy? Here. There's something about ghost-like images of still living basketball players that makes me feel uneasy. Or maybe just a little scared of Lebron James...

It's still pretty cool, though.


Heirloom tomatoes and arugula and fresh mozzerella. It was so good in the tasting corner at Trader Joe's, that I immediately started running around the store just to make sure nobody took the last case of tomatoes. Because then? Then I would have had to have a frozen enchilada. And I won! I got home, cut everything up, sat down, and realized that I have the most disgusting balsamic vinegar, and that I had ruined every inch of my salad with it. I held to my guns, choked down the salad and am now on the hunt for a delicious balsamic vinegar. Any suggestions?

My father told me about this 100 year old balsamic vinegar that he had asked for at a restaurant. A vinegar so special that only the manager could come to the table and measure an ounce for an inquiring customer. An ounce of vinegar to the tune of $100. I'd like to try that, but I am looking for suggestions more in the $7 per entire bottle range.

Quote of the Day

Aaron (to Alyssa): “When you had a cigarette, Julia looked at you like a 7 year old girl who just saw her mom steal something from a grocery store.”

Monday, September 21, 2009


The protector...

of feet...

Quote of the Day

Me: “Shoop shoop bee doop shoop bee doo, shoo bee dooo beee doo bee dooo.”

Jordan: “I like the way you move it. No diggity. I wanna bag it up.”

Me: “We are SO related!”

Jordan: “How many times do I have to tell you? You. Are. Adopted.”

Thursday, September 17, 2009

99 Problems!

Have you ever just had one of those weeks where nothing seems to be going right? I mean, things could always be worse, and I don't want to sound ungrateful for the universe not exploding on my skull this week. Let's just say, I can name 99 problems pretty quickly. Let's see....

1. My back is out. Not hurting. Not achy. But spasms are taking over my every waking thought and I can't center myself on my spine.

2. Last week I couldn't sleep at all, and this week, I can't seem to sleep enough....

But instead of continuing to wallow, which would probably reside somewhere in the #56 range, I will share other people's problems. It sometimes helps....


This shining example of my ineptitude at household chores seems only fitting to share with the world after this week. What happened this week? Oh, I decided to cook this huge pork tenderloin. But mid-cooking, I had a bowl of Total instead. And when it was done cooking, I turned the oven off, like every paranoid person will do. And I went to bed. Of course, I didn't really register that the oven needed to be turned off because it had been cooking something. So, after I let the pork cool overnight in the over, I got to throw the entire thing out in the morning. Call me Martha Stewart. And maybe you won't be so far off. I am skipping on bills... It's all downhill from here.

Quote of the Day

Alex: “She thinks that I’m really a good person.”

Me: “Well, she hasn’t spent much time with you then.”

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


I'm thinking I'll have a water....

Quote of the Day

Aaron: "She's a prostitute. Hire her."

Me: "Done."

Aaron: "That was too easy."

Me: "That's what he said!"

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Oh, how he taunts her! Or, I guess I should say, every person who has food, drink, something plastic wrapper-like on them, or has eaten food in the past 48 hours taunts her. Poor thing.

Quote of the Day

Julia: “I just wanna kick you in the shins. Kapow!!”

Alex: “Oh, you can reach? That’s good!”

Monday, September 14, 2009


R.I.P. Binghampton

Having moved nine months ago, I thought it was time to go eat somewhere local. And what better place to go than to the boat restaurant literally at the bottom of my hill. Perfect. I took the dogs down for a stroll to note how busy a weekday night is, and if I should bother making reservations, or just walk-in.

Apparently, none of my neighbors had the same inclination to support local restaurants. It took all I had not to climb over the "Do Not Enter" barrier, and peek inside. If I didn't think there was a high likelihood of getting near rats, the picture above would have been a lot closer up.

Quote of the Day

Alex: “I am hope springs eternal. You are the chasm of despair; don't even get me started.”

Friday, September 11, 2009


.... ha. haha. ha.

Quote of the Day

Jordan: "I think I'm eating bad turkey on molded bread. They even each other out, right? And if I put enough mustard on it, it's all gravy."

Thursday, September 10, 2009


I know everything's bigger and better in the Hamptons, Dad. But, seriously, you've proven your yards bushes can grow taller than your house, taller than your trees. Enough's enough.

Quote of the Day

Renee: “That car is a gas.. a gasss.. a gazz.. a gazz gussler”

My little Moroccan grandma may get caught up on the small words, but she can crossword a puzzle better than any "English Is My First Language" opponent.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


Crushing my ribs...

Quote of the Day

Telemarketer: "Hi. I'm calling regarding your taxes."

Me: "I'm not interested."

Telemarketer: "I am not selling anything, this is directly in regards to your taxes."

Me: "Are you the government? Or in any way affiliated with the government?"


Me: "What does that mean?"

Telemarketer: "Being based on the government is real."

Heart Beating?

"Lady" Gaga has worked with Monster Beats to launch "her" own headphones, called Heartbearts. I'm kind of torn on whether or not I think "her" vision works, though, because I generally hate in-ear headphones. I am more of the 1994, oversized, sound blocking clunkers where nobody could strike up a conversation with me mistakenly thinking that I was not at that moment listening to headphones. But hers, they glitter! And it is a Monster product, which means that the sound quality has to kick my Sony's ten year old ass. AND, they have some bling... So, yeah, I am totally trying to win a pair here:

Monster is also launching a 30-day Heartbeats Giveaway on Facebook! And it’s not 1 pair over 30 days; they're giving away 30 pairs of Heartbeats by Lady Gaga High Performance In-Ear Headphones in 30 days!
And as an aside, please not the size of Dr Dre's upper body! His legs and waist seem to hit where everyone else's does, and then from there up, he is a giant! (I think he would look really awkward wearing those headphones.)

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


A little beer makes everything better- err- blurry.

Quote of the Day

Me: “What’s up with everyone going to 'Sushi Cruise' every day this week?”

Brian: “It’s an hour of happy fun time!”

Friday, September 4, 2009


I found this sign on the side of the road in the middle of nowheresville, PA and it shocked me. Not because someone actually drove out here to let drivers know the chances were either high or low for forest fires. This shocked me because it was raining really heavily that day. And I believe it was Smoky The Bear himself who taught me water combats fire.

And, also, common sense.

Quote of the Day

Jordan: "I'm gonna get 3 steaks, 4 baked potatos and then, then.... ummmm- Like 6 more things!"

Thursday, September 3, 2009


"Ummm, I wiped. So can you please let me in already?"

Quote of the Day

Referring to a man carrying a “fishing purse...”

Julia: “I’d slap the woman out of him, then I’d make him my bitch.”

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Sigh, Enrique

Do you know what I love about Polita Vega's celebration of 50 years on air? Enrique Iglesias. Do you want to know why I have ever even heard of Polita Vega? Because about 5 minutes ago, I heard about some hot Enrique pictures and he was there. Now, I know what everyone is thinking: Why would you ever specify that Enrique pictures is hot? Isn't that implied when you mention "Enrique" and "pictures" in the same sentence? And you would be correct, hot is always implied in reference to Enrique. One day, I will run into this man, and I have all the confidence in the world that I will drool, stutter, and seize in front of him. Or maybe I would just hug him and never let go. Definitely one of the two, though. There would be zero chance for an actual conversation to ensue. I am too weak. The photos from the whole party are here.


Mojo's seventeen pound stature may be less than intimidating, so during his ever-important watchman duties, he puffs up his ears. What would I ever need a Pitbull for, when I have a genetically altered Yorkie?

Quote of the Day

Krystena: “I woulda bought that shit on the eye, like, I don’t got no cash.”