Tuesday, March 31, 2009


I call this the: RightBeforeYouSquirtMilkOutYourNoseLaugh Face.

Quote Of The Day

Julia: "Aaron left a hate comment on my desk this morning. It said, 'F**k Harry Potter.' So I said, 'HEY, Aaron... you're a pervert! You want to molest Harry Potter!'"


Monday, March 30, 2009

Thanks, Purina!

After getting a YouTube email today, which literally never happens, I decided to follow the link, and it brought me to petcharts.purina.com. Apparently, whomever is running the site stumbled upon my lowly YouTube page and found a video I had hosted of Mojo playing with Ollie, my friend's new dog, and decided to host the video on their page. A whopping fifty views later, I have devided the site gets no traffic. But Mojo is honored. And in case the link dies or the videos get replaced, which appears to happen daily, and you can't vote for them, here they are:


After seeing this shot up close, I came to the sad realization that Mojo's an open-mouthed laugher. Final straw.

Quote Of The Day

Me: “I’m gonna give you a present.”

Alex: “Well, I don’t really probably want it.”

Friday, March 27, 2009

A.I. Elimination Recap- Season 8

Matt Giraud was put in bottom three. First thought: "Ugh, night's not starting well." Michael Sarver was no shocker in the bottom few. And Scotty boy joins them. Finally!! I was starting to think that America could suck itself out of it's guilt-ridden trance and vote fairly. But he was only there for a millisecond. Apparently, America would like to keep this charade of letting this poor visually impaired, tone deaf singer continue in the competition, not realizing that the longer he stays, the harder he falls. Be HONEST already! 

May I just say, Smokey can sing!? Damn, I'm impressed with him. And even more impressed with his face lift team(s) for not killing his vocal chords.

It wound up being Michael Sarver's night to go home. I just hope his redneck roughneck's will welcome his back with open arms.


I figured that to best celebrate today's perfectly intoxicating sixty degree weather, I would try to remember just how cold it was 100-ish days ago. Mojo's expression in this picture is proof that dogs not only speak their human's native tongue, but also have full conversations streaming through their heads at all times. "Why'd she give her the damn dog tee shirt? Do you see her natural insulation? It's called stealing my food. Bitches."

Quote Of The Day

Julia: “So, your favorite color would be moldy olive?”

Alex: “Your favorite color will be fist in eye.”

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Baby Buckets

Babies are cute, yeah? So, in going with the theme of today's blogging, and wondering when the last time I popped my daily pill is, I wanted to share the baby cheer!

Enter this LINK. Babies in a bucket. Now, Julia doesn't like babies. I appreciate that, but am still waiting to catch her in the lie as she holds her own sweet child one day and regrets every mean comment she's made. Or, at the very least, say "Awwww" as I share a picture with her.

Me: "If you just had to take one home with you, which one would it be?"
Julia: "Which one looks dead? I think you have my answer now."

You just can't make this stuff up, folks.

"Charlie Bit Me!"

My aunt gets really excited over a select few videos. I have noticed that they usually revolve around young kids, which leaves me well rested deep within my soul. Why, you ask? Because if I ever have a child who is the devil incarnate, but is in the very least bit way amusing, I know exactly who I can pawn them off on. This is her penultimate:

Grape Lady Stomping

This gets good at the :56 second mark. And better from there. But grape lady, I don't laugh because you are clumsy. I only laugh at your moaning, and probably because I know I would do the same.

American Idol Recap- Season 8

Motown records? Hello, heaven! I fear some of these psuedo-singers will cheese my favorites up... Smokey "Suction-Face" Robinson was their mentor for this week. (He apparently has written over 4,000 songs... which of course led me to ponder how many of them I know for the next few hours.)

First singer of the night was Matt Giraud with "Let's Get It On." Smokey was talking it up, I couldn't wait! And he was so on the money. He made it as fresh as it could be for being such a throwback. I liked seeing him away from the piano, too.

Kris Allen was second up, with "How Sweet It Is." Catchy, catchy. He modernized it and changed just enough. I kinda wish I was in the audience for this night... So far. His voice is so clean and refreshing.

Third person was Scott McIntyre, duh, choosing to be at the piano again. Bo-o-o-orrrring! "You Can't Hurry Love" was butchered by him. Worst performance to date. Smokey is too kind, and he barely praised him. "I have no negative comments" does NOT mean "I have positive comments." Damn, how can one song be so ruined? I bet the person most outraged is poor Alexis Grace after losing to this? I actually started to hate both female judges, because they're either liars or morons.

Megan Joy Corkrey sang "For Once In My Life." She is gorgeous. I liked the performance, but vocally, it fell a little flat and weak. It got a bit worse as it went on. Trainwreck? Yes. Better than Scott? Miles!

Anoop Desai was fifth of the night. Did anyone else notice that Smokey was way too nice? Constructive criticism can be constructive. He performed "Ooooo Baby, baby," and it was a bit too slow, but he sounded like the song was writted for him and melted sensually around his vocal chords, dripping slowly into his heart. In other words, it was good.

Sixth of the night was Michael Sarver with "Ain't Too Proud To Beg." He is so inconsequential at this point, I feel for him. Sarver said he would "church it up," and I think he'd do best doing it up, in church. The song was flat-ish and incredibly bizarre. At the end, he reminded me of my dad singing around our old apartment. And singing isn't my dad's thang.

Lil Rounds sang "Heatwave" and was really good. So surprising. Her look was too cute and spot on! She got a little flat, so not her best, which was a bit of a let down- especially in that genre, but still, overall, good.

Numero ocho, Adam Lambert singing "Tracks Of My Tears," unplugged. I loved his fifties look, and his consistant falsetto. I really love him. I'm so happy all the judges were floored.

Following the best performance of the night was Danny Gokey with "Get Ready." Shocked that he ignored Smokey's advice to sing his own echoes. I thought he was great, I wish he didn't dance in the back at one point. But he has got to be safe, he is Danny Gokey. And everyone loves him.

Allison Iraheta was last, tenth. Her voice is amazing, and she proved it yet again with "Poppa Was A Rolling Stone." How has she not been signed already?!?


My cousin Eric is back in town for Spring Break! Yay! And he doesn't have a southern drawl yet! Yay! And my brother and him have commenced their farting rituals at family dinners! Ewwww!

Quote Of The Day

Jordan: "I got karma on my side."

Me: "No, you don't."

Jordan: "Oh, I forgot. I've got karmas friggin sidekick sitting next to me. Shut up."

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Phone Lines...

I remember the first time I got my phone line installed in my childhood bedroom. blah blah blah 8251. I remember the exact portable phone I had, falling asleep with it on, the way the buttons felt as I retouched the same few sets of numbers over and over again. This was before memory pads or caller ID, right before personal pager usage blew up. That gray over sized phone was my first step in a handful that nurtured my now crippling dependancy on phones.

So, the question arises, why do I pay for a phone line in my house now, and not have a phone attached to it? Want my number? I will have to dig through my Time Warner receipts and try to get that for you. Instead, I just carry around my cell phone, occasionally dropping calls, wasting minutes, and of course, the dreaded brain cancer!! It's all fun and "Can you hear me now's" until you put some closed popcorn kernels near your cell phone.

Oh, the French.




Quote Of The Day

After his mom commented that her phone was ugly:

Tristan: “Did you know that an ugly phone can take away attention from an ugly shirt?”

*Oh, eight year olds. Gotta love them?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Snow Day In New York City

As a child, I used to rip open my copy of Highlights magazine, flip it to the back inside cover, and play "What's Wrong With This Picture." I still love all of those types of games, but sadly, either my skill has waned, or it climaxed at age five. Either way, when Julia sent me this video, I felt like a child again. Picking out stupidity and awkwardness in real life proved to be just as satisfactory as finding the hiding wrench in the tree trunk. You have to try for yourself!!

Some personal favorite finds:

  • Rob Matthews: "We're actually upstate, 'cuz we're above fourteenth street. I consider this upstate, because I live downtown." (You are an idiot. There are hundreds of streets in Manhattan alone. Fourteenth street hardly marks even a quarter mark, let alone a halfway point. And lose the joke, it's not amusing.) Same guy: "This part of the park was designed to look like the Adirondack's. So, I close my eyes and I feel like I am in the Adirondack's, for sure." (If you are closing your eyes, can't it look like Adirondack's anywhere? Why mention design if you also say you are closing your eyes? Example to you, Rob: "I like my pink shirt so much, so I close my eyes to feel the pink of my shirt." Make sense? I hope not.)
  • James Anthony: "I need the money. I got s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-hmmm- seven? Seven kids. I got seven kids." (Really? You don't know how many children you have? Let's hope all s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-hmmm- seven of them didn't inherit your ability to count.)  Same guy: "But you gotta do your job, ya know? Regardless, if you lose your job, or not, if you have a job, you gotta do your job." (Actually, sir, if you lose your job, you don't have to do your job anymore. Funny how that works.)
A quick shout out to the woman cross-country skiing on the sidewalks of Manhattan. You made me laugh.

Also, a sincere thanks to New York Times videos, for sharing with the world that New York City has so many different walks of life, that in your interviewing travels, you couldn't even bump into someone with some intelligence. Is some constructive criticism okay? Pick a focus. Your video started out with kids playing in the snow laughing and happy. And then you end up in a soup kitchen with sad stories and obvious statements, without even having snow as a common thread.

Lippi Selk vs. Sleeping Bear

The Lippi Selk Bag is best described as being created for those who like to camp, but don't like being limited to sleep within the confines of the sleeping bag. I think they look pretty bad ass, once the initial shock wears off. I mean, if you are confident enough to wear one of these bad boys, then your confidence is awe inspiring! Check it out in action here:

And for those of you who need to get a little stranger, or have some bear fetish to scratch, there is now available The Sleeping Bear

I can't choose a favorite. And most importantly, I don't camp, so I'll never have to.


I fell in love with this statue. I know, Buddha's and the like, shocker! But I just really appreciated the notion that even G-d doesn't know the absolute way to go.

Quote Of The Day

Jordan: “Let's be out. Let's be out like you in a game of wit.”

Monday, March 23, 2009


And for more birthday madness, my mom turns 38! Haha, okay, not really. That would make her have been a thirteen year old mother. She did grow up in the Bronx though, so..... But seriously, there was a clump of time that I thought she was thirty eight years old. And for a few years, I'm sure it insulted her. Then, for a year, I was right on the money. And then for a few years, family members thought I was just blowing sunshine. The truth? I honestly believed she turned 38 about 7 times.

Quote Of The Day

Julia: “I’m okay with Wasians, not Asians.”

Alex: “What are Wasians?”

Julia: “White Asians. I don’t like Korean culture being brought into America, even you, with all that Chinese dowry crap. Leave that in your homeland.”

Friday, March 20, 2009


My brother turns twenty! And he has learned to exercise great self control. Like when my father told the hostess that we were celebrating a birthday, even though Jordan was loath to make it public, and then a few staff members came out with a gong and this man lifted Jordan's arms above his head, and the whole world watched and laughed and nothing in life will ever be more embarrassing- and Jordan didn't fling him across the room.

Quote Of The Day

Julia: “Hey, Brian, are you getting sleepy?”

Brian: “Yeah.”

Julia: “Just know that the moment you close your eyes, I’m gonna punch you in the face.”

Thursday, March 19, 2009

A.I. Elimination Recap- Season 8

First to enter the bottom three last night was Allison. My thoughts out loud were literally, "Wha wha what?" Michael Sarver was also placed in the bottom 3, which my brother predicted, and also thought was being sent home.

Scott was announced safe, and I'm happy for him. He seems nice. But this untouchable quality can end now that he has secured himself a slot on their summer tour.

And, finally, the choice for the third member to enter the bottom three of the night was down to Alexis and Adam. So, obviously, it was Alexis. She was sent home. And some people are now up in arms that she wasn't chosen by the judges to be saves, but honestly, who thought the judges would whip out their one and only save vote for the season two weeks in? Wake up!

But I just wanted to point out that while Best Week Ever is funny, they "know" about as much as all of us regular folk. Exhibit A: Top 4 Already Picked. Captain Obvious just has to speak up here. "Ah hem. You are wrong."

Rest In Peace...

Last night, I was just overloaded with some sad passings. The most obvious one was Natasha Richardson's.
Ms. Richardson, a daughter of Academy Award-winning actress and human rights activist Vanessa Redgrave and the wife of actor Liam Neeson, fell on a beginners' slope near Montreal during a ski lesson March 16. Ms. Richardson initially appeared uninjured, but an hour later, she complained of a headache. As her condition worsened, she was flown to a hospital near her home in New York City, where her family gathered.
The full article is here. (ABC News.) I am so, so sorry for her family's loss. A beginner's slope skiing, it just opens your eyes to the dangers everywhere, and hopefully, to living for today.

Also passing away yesterday was Oprah's new puppy, Ivan, while his litter mate Sadie is being treated for the Parvo virus that killed her brother. I actually saw the episode of Oprah when she discussed to pros of adopting from shelters, and found this beautiful litter of cocker spaniel puppies, taking home Sadie, then obviously, Ivan. I hope that this doesn't sour any potential shelter shoppers' already existing misconceptions. Full article here: "Oprah's New Puppy Dies."

And as my father was filling me in, he added that Martha Stewart's new Chow was essentially murdered in an accidental propane blast while being boarded in the Poconos. Her new puppy was named Genghis Khan and was a grandson to her last dog, Paw Paw. This is the second instance in this entry that a celebrity, actually, female pop culture mogul, chose to adopt a dog of their previous dog's same breed and terrible things have happened. I'd stay away from making that choice, Madonna. Or, hmm, yeah, that about covers it. Full article here: "... propane blast."


This is why I keep her around: She's a multi-tasker. She can sit on your lap, while also be scheming on how to steal her next calories. Here, she licks her foot, but also cleans the sofa right after I was complaining about what a mess it looked like. 

Quote Of The Day

Aly: “I don’t buy it.”

Alex: “I don’t have to buy it, I get it for free. And that’s how wonderful it is to be me.”

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Pet Blogs

CuteOverload was introduced to me many years ago, and I don't know if anyone remembers the day of the slow load, but the taste hasn't ever left my mouth. It was slow, slow, ya know? And then, when you would go to click next page, the first time you clicked that, the first page would pop up all over again. Today, it has made great strides. My coworker has a Page-A-Day desk calendar of the site. I just always think of that damned speed! And, they feature way too many rodents.

The internet's phenomenon has certainly been ICanHasCheezburger. Think pet photo, whether unique or not, with a strangely witty and completely non-English compilation of words as its caption. So, to re-cap: Pet Pic + Strange Words = Cultural Craze.

FidoJournalism is a really great site to check out. Of course, I leave there infinitely depressed. Reasons being: A. I don't know how to photograph anything. B. I don't have a nice enough camera to experiment with. And C. I'm jealous!! Maybe by the time I have a well behaved dog, someone will be kind enough to teach me how to photograph it.

For cat and/or photography enthusiasts, DaisyTheCurlyCat is a good site to drop in on from time to time. It can get silly, much like people thinking that cats are better than dogs. But worthwhile, nonetheless. 

The more medicinally inclined will appreciate this veterinary pet blog called Doolittler. Get it? Like Dr. Doolittle? Except instead of being the cheesiest movie ever created, it's actually not a waste of ten dollars and two hours of your life that you will never, ever get back.

My personal favorite has been F*** You, Penguin. Because, really, what could be better than ripping apart an animal's behaviors or appearances as if those attribute have personally wronged you? Answer: Not much! Read this blog and tell me you don't laugh. I will then tell you one of two things: You have no soul, or you were reading the wrong site. Maybe it was that cat site...

American Idol Recap- Season 8

This week was The Grand Ole Opry Week, with Randy Travis stepping in as mentor. Country week, thrilling. 

First performer of the night was Texas native Michael Sarver singing "Ain't Going Down (Til the Sun Comes Up)." He sounded right at home in this genre, and it was a fun song! But he didn't sound special or especially talented.

Allison Irahata was second, singing "Blame It On Your Heart." She sounds too rock for country, and I mean that as the highest compliment. Also: Hate that song!

Kris Allen, "To Make You Feel My Love," was third of the night. I loved the song and his voice! His sideways jaw when singing is cute- I don't care what other bloggers say! Simon said it's the first timehe thought he had a shot in this competition and I agreed completely!

Lil Rounds. Oh, Lil. Let me just share a pre-song interaction... Ryan Seacrest: "How much time do you and the contestants spend together between shows?" Lil Rounds: "We spend quite a few time together." Nope, its not a typo, just a sigh in my English speaking soul. I guess we can move on to her performance of "Independance Day," but I have to say, I think she just dropped to the bottom of my give a crap about list.  It was boring, she sounded shrill at times and a little on the average side. Also, while I am bashing her, every week, the female judges compliment her on her clothing choices. It is called balance and proportion, Paula. You don't really like her dress or her shirt, your eyes are just letting you know that when she has puffy sleeves and intricate chest pieces attached to her shirt, her ass looks smaller.

Adam Lambert chose to sing "Ring of Fire," except instead of copying Johnny Cash's rendtion, he found a Middle Eastern adaptation which was so unique and really worked! I love this kid! I'd buy that song! And he can reach the highest of notes! Randy Said he was like Nine Inch Nails doing a country song. Exactly! I love when the judges and I are having a similar hearing experience.

Scott McIntyre, fifth up, sang "Wild Angels." I thought it was a horrible song, horrible tempo, flat vocals. Shocker. Paula tried to sugar coat constructive criticism of switching things up a bit, to put it nicer than necessary, and he still looks shocked and hurt and broken.

Alexis Grace chose to sing "Jolene." That's what song I'd pick to do if I had to perform in country week! I much prefer the White Stripes version over Dolly Parton's, myself. I think she would have avoided the "needs to be edgier" critique if she had done that. She's got a power voice, but her high notes were pretty weak.

Lucky number seven: Danny Gokey. He chose "Jesus Take The Wheel." Oy, with that song title, Carrie Underwoods' songwriters! He was just on, I thought his jacket was a lot more hip-hop than country, and everything else was exactly what it needed to be.

Anoop Desai sang "Always On My Mind," and he sounded good, but it was so boring. I forgot it as he was singing.

Megan Joy Corkrey took the stage, and my first thoughts were that the dress and hair were exactly perfect for her. Vocally, during "Walking After Midnight," she seemed nervous and a bit out of place. I think she is just a little nervous and out of place in general, and I loved her song!

Matt Giraud was last up, and he is just so consistant! His voice is ready for anything! I love his vulnerability more than could be explained. He performed "So Small," and I thought he did a really BIG job. You know, not small.


I got this pretty little chandelier at Ikea, during my last trip there. My friend Keith helped me switch out the generic nipple fixture that was in my entranceway before. Gosh, I hate those! I went back and forth on actually putting this up. This is more of a bedroom light, a little gaudy and girly, and not really flowing with the rest of my things. But something about seeing intricately cut plastic to emulate crystal hanging awoke this tacky chick in me that I hadn't ever met before. Obviously, this new person won out, and I couldn't be happier.

Quote Of The Day

When trying to explain Twilight:

Julia: “High school students and sexual tension, what more could you ask for?”

Me: “Umm, maybe not the best thing to say.”

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


I've seen this everywhere: Obamicon Me. I couldn't resist! How American would it be to see the whole country in red, dark blue, light blue, and a creamy yellow?

Woman Births Cheese?

Babybel Is No Cheese Baby

This really creeped me out! I have heard horror stories of women, psychotics, thinking they were with child when they were not, but CHEESE! Really?  I have heard of such individuals carrying around plastic babies, or piles of cloth in a carriage. And who could forget the bag lady in Speed who was wheeling around a carriage filled with cans. It is a common misconception that she was herding those cans around for money. Truthfully, she thought those cans were her kids: Tin, Tin-Man, Tinny, Aluminummie, etc. Issues!

I hope they keep this women fully medicated, and out of my grocery store.


This was taken as I was yelling at Marley to get off of the sheets I laid out for my brother. Dog Whisperer, I do not ask for much. Just maybe the ability to reclaim a couch cushion, or two. And, sigh, to walk outside without this one (above) causing a frenzied scene.

Quote Of The Day

Alex (to Julia): “Alright, monkey shine.”

Julia: “What’s that mean?”

Me (after I Urban Dictionary it): “It’s the activity of black folks when the boss isn’t looking.”

Monday, March 16, 2009


*?!# Vitamins! Bring on the MEAT! Introducing.... drum roll please.... MeatWater, naturally. Or unnaturally, perhaps. I am sure everyone can just navigate dinnerinabottle.com on their own, but I thought I'd share my fave!

Under Economic Survival, Kenyan Beef Stew. AKA HopeJuice:

Beef Chuck, Onions, Tomato ( Tumeric + Ginger)


YES WE CAN. . . CHANGE OUR ENERGY DRINK! This is the flavor Barack’s father was dreaming about! Tomatoes, beans and garlic along with a secret combination of African spices and the finest Kansas corn-fed beef are cooked slowly until the flavors meld together into an inspiring, hope-filled beverage that provides sustained energy for when the White House phone rings at 3AM. We promise this will satisfy both the Left and the Right! And with times the way they are, who has the cash to buy all these ingredients? It’s Economic Stimulus in a bottle!

Best enjoyed at oval office temperature!
And out of all of the most horrid choices given as options, (Sashimi, Pork Hocks, Gefilte Fish, Escargots, Shrimp Pad Thai, Dirty Hot Dog, Haggis, etc.) the only thing that truly turned my stomach was Basic Breakfast.
Eggs, bacon on buttered toast

Breakfast in your cupholder! There’s no better way to start your day than with a healthy breakfast. Drink this while you drive to work and taste that crispy bacon, fluffy egg and buttery toast! But use a straw! You don’t want any of that delicious beverage to stain your business suit!

Best enjoyed at body temperature!


Look at his ear hair!! What was I thinking? 
It was only one year ago that I thought that look was in (Sorry, world). I guess in dog years, that's like, so the 80's!

Quote Of The Day

Aaron: “Watch your language.”

Julia: “Watch your face.”

Aaron: “The model of office love and respect.”

Thursday, March 12, 2009


Bonin' To The Max

Quote Of The Day

Ben: “What is the opposite of 'You’re Hired!'?”


Ben: “Yeah, keep that in mind, smarty pants.”

American Idol Recap- Season 8

This week was the real Top 13! And it was all about the Michael Jackson, sans sleepovers with seven year old boys.

Lil Rounds was up first, singing "The Way You Make Me Feel." It was a boring and dated song. She was good, nothing I would purchase... ever. Randy said she made the song new again, and I
couldn't disagree more!

Second was Scott McIntyre singing "Keep The Faith," and I am losing the faith in the ability of the judges to remain impartial. When he went into high notes, he was so weak. He is flat and slightly off either in tone or key, and I'm sorry, I don't get it. Question: Do I think it would be great to give a visually impaired person the title of America Idol? Answer: Only if they deserve it.

Danny Gokey singing "PYT" was third, and he is my favorite officially. Come on, listen to that voice! Simon insulted the dancing, whatever. It was soulful!

Fourth up was Michael Sarver, who picked "You Are Not Alone." started out flat. But I do love that song. Like, um, a lot! It got better and better. He had some note trouble searching for notes. I just don't see him as any competition.

Miniature Gabrielle Union, I mean, Jasmine Murraywas number five. Her family clip makes me like her a lot more, but when she sang "I'll Be There," I thought she was pitchy and shrill almost. Like Marley head-tilting pitchy.

Chris Allen was sixth, and in his into-clip, they announced he was a newlywed, and my first thought was "Uh-Oh! There goes the crushing-on-his-face votes!" He sang "Remember The Time," and I liked him more tonight than ever before, with his cocky half smile while he sang. Vocally, not so impressive, but a solid performance. Simon read my mind when he said, "I'm not sure I would have brought the wife out so early." Ditto!

Allison Iraheta sang "Give In To Me." To me, her voice wins my most likely to sing along with award. Not the best song choice, because all the notes lived on a similar area, but she is insanely talented! 

Anoop Desai, with the dumbest song choice of the night, chose "Beat It." First thought: Why?! He had an interesting tone. He sang more than I thought he'd be able to, but the judges bashed his song choice, and rightfully so.

Jorge Nunez sang "Never Can Say Goodbye." He looks so stupid "performing." Angry, snakelike, bizarre... He sounds like a seasoned professional singer, though, but he is strangely intense and a little scary.

Megan Joy Corkrey picked "Rockin' Robin." (This would be the second worst song choice of the night.) Cheeeeeesy song, but she sang it out. Strangely, I think she ended up doing a really great job with it. She sounded amazing. Simon killed her!

Adam Lambert was eleventh with "Black And White." I kept thinking, is anyone gonna pick this song already. He is so amazing! Truly, an entertainer all the way. He is among my favorites.

Matt Giraud sang "Natural." While sitting at his piano, he is great. His voice reminded me of a Justin Timberlake meeting Jason Mraz on a picturesque beach in Hawaii and making beautiful pianists by the water.

Alexis Grace was last of the night, performing "Dirty Diana." I think the judges like her more than they should, first of all. I really liked the whole performance except for the beginning. I appreciated that Simon mentioned she probably was more proud of herself than she should be.

My top five favorites in barely a particular order:
Danny Gokey, Adam Lambert, Matt Giraud, Allison Iraheta, and Megan Joy Corkrey.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


I wanted to try and get more pictures of the debate from last night, but I didn't want security to take me away for using flash, as they took away others for using their voices... to threaten a b**ch.

Quote Of The Day

"Biologists are barely even scientists." -Ann Coulter

I went to the Speaker Series at Radio City last night, to watch the massacre of Ann Coulter performed by Bill Maher. And they both completely lived up to my expectations of them. She was ruthless and painfully ignorant and spoke with this whiny slowly descending croak. And Bill was successful in immediately discrediting her and moving on with his own point, so as to not dwell on either too much and waste his debating time. Because, as he said, he is a master debater. Some people left with more love for Bill, some people- I hope- left with a greater understanding of his political points against the Republican party straying from political ideals and choosing candidates based on their extremist religious ideals. I left really thankful that I could have been there to see it.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Dog Food Diet

Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of dog food at Walmart, for Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant?
Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Dog Food Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms. -Doggies.com
I love whomever wrote this little story! (It continues here.) People are dumb. Chatty people on lines are worse.

And Years Later...

In college, I had stumbled upon this website: I am a dork. And in it, I found the only version of a game I could play on my computer for free: Place The State. Back then, a lot of online games had compatibility issues with Macs, and Snood I had definitely paid for. Ah, Snood. How I miss you!! But I digress... through "playing" this "game," I became a self-proclaimed expert on placing states. I got better and better, and always ended with my personal highest score of 98%. But that wasn't good enough, that last 2 percent has irked me for years. So, every now and then, I find myself wandering over to saved mail, clicking the link, and trying again. This weekend, I decided to give it a go, and on my first try in who knows how long, I got 100%!! And I wanted to share this, because, frankly, it was my only accomplishment this weekend.


This was taken during the first snow of the season. I'll never forget it: I couldn't make it up my unpaved driveway hill to park my car because my useless landlord couldn't be bothered to salt or shovel or plow. And when I finally could get up the hill, I ran upstairs and brought out the dogs. The last time Marley saw snow, she frolicked and rolled and leapt. And this time, one year, or seven years older, she just complained about the cold, yada yada yada....

Quote Of The Day

Me: "This kid was boring like white bread." 

Krystena: "I don't eat white bread, 'cuz it's boring. Just kidding! It's 'cuz it'll give you a yeast infection."

Friday, March 6, 2009

(Another) American Idol Update

*I am starting to spend so much time watching and writing about American Idol at night, that I can only say, 'Thank goodness this is the last of the weird weeks. And I have made myself a little sad.'

I haven't been paying enough attention, since my lover- the DVR- allows me to filter through el crap-o. So, last night was the Wild Card night on American Idol. Not only did the chosen few get to perform, they were told at the end of the very same show if they would actually be included in the top 12 line-up. So, here it goes:

First was Jesse Langseth, singing "Tell Me Something Good." And I thought she was pretty bizarre, but she undoubtedly thinks enormously highly of herself! 

Second was Matt Giraud, who sang "Who's Loving You" by the Jackson 5. I am loving this Justin Timberlake meets the blues dude!

Megan Joy Corkrey was third up, singing "Black Horse And The Cherry Tree. I love her voice, it's so unique and strong...

Fourth was Von singing "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word." I'm a sucker for this song! He sounded good, and I felt pretty bad for calling the judges stupid the night before. But I still don't like him.

Jasmine was the 5th, choosing "Reflection," by Christina Aguilera. A big song, and even though she was flat through the beginning, she can reach the notes which is in and of otself enormously
impressive, but her voice sounds strained. Yelling, not effortless and pretty... not good enough.

The elusive Ricky Braddy singing "Superstition" was sixth. He's good, I wouldn't mind him going through.

Tatiana was seventh. Oh, Tatiana. Her English sounded more broken, because she is a liar and is fooling nobody. She sang "Saving All My Love," and her voice was en fuego! I can't see how they won't put her through.

Anoop was the last up, singing "My Perogative." His stare started out a little scary and his voice was too low, but he fixed it quickly. But as far as his future album? Maybe he wants to be a one man boy band?

Immediate Results:
First, Jasmine gets through. Then Megan and Matt, also. Woo-hoo! And then, they decide to make it a top 13! So Anoop makes it. It was a fun end. And I think Tatiana deserved to be in there, but I can completely understand the insurance companies not wanting a mental patient roaming with the contestants.


I always appreciated the reasoning behind placing a Mezuzah in doorways. I've likened the placement of one to cleansing a home with holy water, or burning incense. The truth is, if it doesn't hurt, and there is even the slightest chance that it can help protect, then why not? My father has his own version (above) of Mezuzah's placed inside each bedroom doorway. Figures...

Quote Of The Day

As I was trying to determine secret santa's....

Julia: “I shall call you 'Whiskers,' because you are as curious as a cat!”

Thursday, March 5, 2009


I get it. Conan has switched from Late Night to the Tonight Show. I just don't quite understand why anyone is getting so teary-eyed. He is still on every night, doing his thang. Just for more viewers.

My favorite is, of course, Kelly's breakdown of Team Aniston vs. Team Jolie. But a close second is Michael's over-priced garage sale junk. I especially liked his listing for his old retainer at $200, at 50% off his original cost.

I have fallen in love with this woman's blog. I want to live in the middle of Wyoming on a farm and rescue my own wild dog of some sort and then take beautiful pictures and have incredible experiences with said dog. But I don't want to deal with dirt, or snakes, or complete desolation. Actually, maybe that's not so bad...

A mirror that doesn't show images backwards. Thank you Mathematician Andrew Hicks!

Is there anyone left on this planet that does not think that Disney is racist? But, for me, the real question is: Does Disney teach children to be racist, or does Disney just play into children's fears of things different than them? All this time, we've insulted Walt for being a bad person, when really, he could have been a savvy business man. It's the kids!

It's as scary as it is true.

I am not jealous that this man has almost $88,000 dollars to spend on an office area rug. I am sad that one is available.

In case you need to add a little rainbow-glitter-unicorn action to your life...

Basically, if you need to share your stories on this site, please see above site.

You had me at The Doors. You had me at Johnny Depp. Combing the two may be hazardous to my health.

Leave it to us Russians. Rope jumping? Child's play! Group rope jumping off a bridge close to frozen water? Bring it on!

There’s so much to see and do, so you’ll have plenty to write about in your weekly blog. And with so much life above and below the water, you’re sure to capture some entertaining moments for your video diary and photo gallery. To keep you busy, Tourism Queensland will organise a schedule of travel and events on the Islands of the Great Barrier Reef. Your schedule could include sampling a new luxury spa treatment at qualia on Hamilton Island, trying out new snorkelling gear on Heron Island, or bushwalking on Hinchinbrook Island.
Art Spiegelman, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author of Maus, creator of Wacky Packs and the Garbage Pail Kids, and father of the modern graphic novel, presents this warts-and-all reproduction of his private sketchbooks — and the results are as candid, sharp, and funny as the relentlessly innovative man behind them. Be a Nose! is a rare glimpse into the secret scribblings of an American original.

A.I. Elimination Recap- Season 8

First to advance to the top twelve: Lil Round! Second, Scott McIntyre, who gets a standing ovation. Am I the only one that hears his get flat a bit? and third, Jorge beats out Juno, I mean Ju'Not.

8 people get to come back to sing again tonight. They are:

Von Smith (They are stupid, officially.)
Jasmine Murray (I'm not liking the way this is going.)
Ricky Braddy (I didn't remember him.)
Megan (Finally, we agree!)
Tatiana (And the faux weeping begins.) 
Matt Giraud (Phew! I am so stoked!)
Jessie Langseth (Please: Enunciate!)
Anoop (He was a good choice.)


This is the ever typical face-shot. Marley is sad looking. And Mojo is a lunatic. Same old, same old.

Quote Of The Day

Alex: “Hey, everybody, kiss my ass.”

Julia: “I don’t think you’ll find anyone who wants to.”

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

American Idol Recap- Season 8

Last night's American Idol marked the third and final grouping of twelve semi-finalists, battling it out to be announced as part of the top twelve. Next week, chosen losers will have their second, or third, shots at making it in. The following week is when the actual show begins. So complicated, Fox!

First up was Von Smith, a twenty two year old from Greenwood, Missouri. He chose to sing "You're All I Need To Get By," by Marvin Gaye. I thought immediately that the song was outdated. As far as his performance goes, he reached his notes. Is that good enough? The judges all seemed to think so. Simon likened him to Clay Aiken, but last time I checked, Clay can sing. (Zing!) This was just the first of many instances where I felt like the judges and I were listening to different performances.

Taylor Vaifanua was second, from Hurricane, Utah and seventeen years old. She has reminded me of Jordin Sparks a little so far, in that she is really tall and not dainty and older looking. That's where the similarities kind of ended for me. She sang "If I Ain't Got You," by Alicia Keys, but the whole tempo was slowed down way too much. Her voice was good, but needs a lot of coaching still. The worse offense was definitely whoever prepared that song composition, and I would glady slign a petition looking into that person's gain with tampering in the competition.

Third to sing was Alex Wagner-Trugman, and while his name is stuck-up he certainly is not. This nineteen year old from Studio City, CA is just a loveable geeky guy. I just want him to never have a sad day for the rest of his life. He performed Elton John's "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues," and I thought he sang really well. Did he growl too much? Yes. Was the song better before he touched it? Of course! It's Elton John! The judges proceeded to rip him apart. Grrrrrr to them! And he had accidentally knocked the mic stand over mid-song, which he explained twice was an accident. But still, at the end, Ryan Seacrest threw his mic. Do you think cruelty is cool?

Arianna Afsar, a 17 year old Sand Diego, CA native was fourth up. She took on Abba's "The Winner Takes It All." She butchered it with rif's- but holy hell does she have a powerhouse of a voice! She has to have a future on singing! They hated it, but didn't focus on her skills at all! There were definitely compliments to her voice that should have been handed to her.

Ju'Not Joyner, a 26 year old guy from Bowie, MD decided to sing Plain White T's "Hey There Delilah," and I was really surprised by his song choice. It's not a song that I think should be allowed to be performed on American Idol, because it shows no range. And from an R&B singer, it should mean automatic elimination. I thought it was well-tuned and sounded pretty, but I was shocked judges loved him and bashed the belter before him! I have to say it, Ju Not Winning.

Kristen McNamara was sixth in the line up. 23 years old from Napa Valley, CA, she is a karaoke host and definitely a singer. She sang "Give Me One Reason," by Tracy Chapman, which, I think if I was doing this, I'd pick the same song. I've liked her voice from the start, and I thought she sounded perfect and commercial/radio ready. And that note! Wow. The judges wasted all of their words on her style. Blah blah, whatever.

Seventh was Nathaniel Marshall, 19, hailing from Malone, NY. Can I just say: He looked plum ridiculous! And I've never even used that phrase. "I Would Do Anything For Love," by Meatloaf, and I thought it was a really strange song choice! To give props where props are due, I thought he did what he could have done within the confines of that song. Simon said it was verging on excruciating!

Felicia Barton was 8th of the night, 26 years old from Virginia Beach, VA. She sang "No One" by Alicia Keys. I don't get it, she was cut and then back on with no official explanation? Either way, she was really, really incredible sounding! I thought she ever started stronger than Miss Alicia, but her voice her did crack. I thought she was so talented!

Scott MacIntyre, from Scottsdale, AZ is the twenty-three year old visually impaired contestant who is now infamous for the "hand slapping moment." He decided to sing "Mandolin Rain," by Bruce Hornsby. He says he wants to live in the words and tell a story with his song, and that's what I most love in music. My Aunt Brenda would totally buy Scott's CD (and then tell me what I was missing out on.) I think he falls a little flat at the end of all the sentences in the beginning, but Simon said he'd be amazed if he doesn't sail through to the next level. I love when Scott decided to give Ryan a real high-five!

Kendall Beard, a 24 year old country girl from Lufkin, TX was tenth. She sang "This One's For The Girls," by Martina McBride. I thought she sounded very, very close to the original. She was amazing, and I can't believe the judges picked up on her "issues" and "flat stuff" but didn't find it in anyone else's performances. Note to Kendall: I don't like country music. And I don't generally love the perky perfect blond cheerleader types. But you were so talented, you turned me into a fan. (Not that it will matter, more than likely.)

The Carolina, Puerto Rico native Jorge Nunez, 21, is someone I called Marc Anthony out loud before the judges did. I'm just not a big Marc Anthony fan, and we already have a Marc Anthony, so..... He sang "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" by Elton John. For the record, Jorge said he worked on his accent while singing, but I don't see where he succeeded in that. He sounds more interesting and definitely better when he sang higher notes. He was really very good overall. And he was so cute as he cried tears of joy, so I like his sincerity and seemingly kind persona.

Last up was Lil Rounds, a 24 year old mother of three, from Memphis, TN. She chose Mary J. Blige's "Be Without You." Great song choice, but her talking intro was really weak compared to the original intro. However, she quickly turned it around, she could 100 percent make a record tomorrow. I thought she was superb- and maybe too little too late, Simon finally agreed with me!!

I was going into this night thinking I didn't care about this set of contestants, but how wrong I was!


Notice the hooked arm over leg. Even as Marley hides from his psychotic outbursts, they still end up more intertwined than the day before.


Notice the hooked arm over leg. Even as Marley hides from his psychotic outbursts, they still end up more intertwined than the day before.

Quote Of The Day

Julia: “I have this crazy theory that every time I sweat my hair grows.”

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


Words can only get in the way.

Quote Of The Day

Carrie: “She carries her weight like an Irish black man."

Me: "What does that mean?”