Snapshot

Here Marley was helping me drive. I let her call the shots, because as you can see, she was ravaged with allergies that weekend and lost some hair. Hair loss = blameless driving.

Quote Of The Day

Alex: “The one thing about the Jewish religion is that there is no hell, so you make life on Earth hell. Everything is miserable.”

Gossip Guy

About 15 years ago, my father and I were in his tiny apartment kitchen on 59th and 1st, and he was cupping a bagel in his palm, slicing downward, and he sliced into the flashy part of his palm. Notice I didn't say "sliced," but actually "sliced IN TO." That was my first memory of feeling like I was going to pass out. His hand was wide open and he walked past me into the bathroom. I followed, wondering if I was going to get the chance to make my first 911 call. What happened next became my second memory of feeling like I was going to pass out. He went into his medicine cabinet and pulled out crazy glue. I did say medicine cabinet, and not workshop drawer, yes. He ripped the cap off and just squeezed, in my opinion, an excessive amount of crazy glue into his open wound. At that point, any amount of glue would have been excessive to me, but it was a lot. And then he held it shut until it held itself in place.

Imagine all of that for a minute. I was sure I would have to call 911 then. "Hi, 911 operator, my father is passed out in the bathroom. He put crazy glue directly into his blood stream. No, I don't know what he was thinking. He may have been lightheaded from bagel-induced blood loss. Yes, I witnessed everything and said nothing to stop him."

As it turns out, the crazy glue did not poison his blood, he skipped the need for stitches, and his hand bears no scar today. To avoid any future accidents - because I don't know how well crazy glue reattaches fingers- I try and send him bagel safety instructions as I find them. I sent him this article yesterday: http://www.chow.com/blog/2009/12/beware-of-bagels/

Instead of a thank you, this is the response I get:

You may find this beyond your imagination but I actually READ that article the day it was printed in something called The Wall Street Journal. Its printed daily with relevant interesting articles relating to many topics often with a business slant.
Xoxo,
Dad

Snapshot

The sky here reminded me of zones in a farm from overhead. I love how the clouds made "sky striations" and became an extension of the ground so fluidly. There's no shot of whiskey that can be as calming to me anymore.

Quote Of The Day

Michelle: "Oh G-d! What are you listening to? This is awful!"

Me: "It's the Twilight soundtrack."

Michelle: "Hmmm, I probably like it then. Okay."

Fight Snowballs With Lead Bullets

All over the place yesterday were links about a gun being drawn at a snowball fight, and I thought I would include a CNN.com video that is dripping with personal perspective. See video HERE. Short version: A DC detective's car got pelted with a snowball as he drove through a crowd of roughly 200 gathered people for an organized snowball fight. Incensed, he stopped short, parked his car in the middle of the intersection and came out with his gun drawn. Currently, there is an internal affairs investigation checking into details.

Merry Christmas, DC!

Ricky Gervais Sings A Lullaby

I always thought the days of a truly hearty laugh from Sesame Street were long behind me. Until Ricky Gervais decided to appear on Celebrity Lullabies with Elmo. (It even goes against my grain to say "Elmo" like he is a person.) Anyway, Ricky Gervais sings a lullaby to a grown man's fist covered in red cloth that squeaks. And I laughed.

Snapshot

In my imaginary dream home, I would like to have a bedroom ceiling that turned to this when the lights went out.

Quote Of The Day

A.L.: "I'm just nice, what can I say?"

A.H.: "Some say there's a fine line between nice and stupid."

Your Day In 140 Seconds Or Less

There's something about short videos that can really bring out the artist in people. Anyone can take some beautiful video, but only the truly creative can edit something really well. My friend's husband's video entry is called "I Run New York" and I'm really impressed!

And after all that jogging, I can sleep well tonight...

Behind The Times

I feel like each time I take a step in the right direction of welcoming electronics from this decade into my home, my pride takes a hit. First, I got an automatic coffee maker (Thanks, Aunt Marilyn!), only to find out that the next thing in kitchen appliances is an HDTV refrigerator. My coffee triumph lived for mere moments.

After my ego repaired itself, I got wireless internet. To fully explain, it went in conjunction with a new computer that I desperately needed and put off for a long time. But after doing without for so long, a need became a luxury in its own right. And I was so excited for my new living room addition. UNTIL I heard about USB Furniture. That's right, folks. Couches that act as couches, device portals and memory devices. My couch remembers a few things of her own, but nothing that a memory can recall- just a sensitive nose. (Thanks, Marley's unsteady stomach.)

Snapshot

Facing south as the sun goes down.

Quote Of The Day

Me: “What is the meaning of life?”

W.E.: “The meaning of life is to stimulate the economy and to procreate. Because the more kids you have, the more you pay for them. Also, in theory, there would be no welfare, because everyone would have the same.”

Me: “What!?!?”

W.E.: “I don’t know, you are older, you tell me!”

Snapshot

This week, I'll put up pictures that I took from my grandparent's balcony. I think that these represent the only good that has ever come of my grandma smoking cigarettes- when she called me outside to see the sun setting behind and against these buildings. This one is my favorite.

Quote Of The Day

Julia: “You’re definitely Mo.”

Aly: “I'm not worried, because Mo backwards is a meditation.”

Snapshot

This is my kind of deer head!

Quote Of The Day

Julia: “I love talking to those ignorant religious freaks, ‘cuz it makes my blood boil and then I feel alive.”

Snapshot

This picture was taken on the fourth of July- about 6 months ago already! And I remember the shame of carrying my overgrown yorkie half a mile amongst throngs of people, as they gawked at me. I wanted to tell each person staring that he has sensitive paws and that my arms were shaking in pain and this was not an attempt to have a fashion accessory. But did I mention my arms were shaking? And I wasn't quite sure how long it would take to explain my dog's health issues to "throngs," so instead I half jogged back to my car while my friend Lauren got to walk Marley on a leash- like a dog. He doesn't seem too uncomfortable being carried in my arms as fireworks and strangers bombard him, though. If only that were a marketable skill...

Quote Of The Day

A post break-up conversation:

Robby R.: “Gotta swap portable hard drives with her at some point.”

Me: “Ah, the swapping of portable hard drives. Life and love in 2009.”

Snapshot

It's a tough life, but somebody's got to do it.

Quote Of The Day

Dad: “You are such a Jersey girl its frightening! It’s crazy what a difference the Hudson River makes. That’s why I am over here, and you are over there.”

Snapshots

Bold on Three

Quote Of The Day

While Tristan and I were discussing going to my mother's Chanukah party:

Tristan: "I think I'm gonna wear all blue and white to your mom's."

Me: "You don't need to do that, nobody else does."

Tristan: "Well, I'm not really Jewish. So I need to cram the whole holiday into one party."

*9 year old logic is priceless.

Are You Bored?

Things To Do At Home When You're Bored

This is absolutely a joke, but in all seriousness, is anyone ever this bored?

Snapshot

Even abandoned homes get junk mail. There's no escaping scammers...

Quote Of The Day

Alex: "Why don't you wave your rainbow flag saying 'Hiii, heyyyyy, hiiiii everybody!! Freeeee Tibet."

*In reference to- does it really matter?

Brad Pitt For Mayor

I am not alone! And some people take things WAY too far!

*This and more at WearYourStory.

Stefani Germanotta

Stefani Germanotta = Lady Gaga

Speechless.

Gifts For Journalists

Maybe I missed my calling in life, because these 20 Must Have Gifts For Journalists are probably way more appealing to me than I should admit.

Big Post-It note? Okay! Personalized Sharpie marker? What better way to "mark" my property? From retro weather magnets to an iphone I can actually write with to the best Control-Alt-Delete function I have ever dreamed of, I am accepting all journalistically themed gifts from here on. But if I see anyone suing a laptop steering wheel, I'll start walking.

Snapshot

Trying to keep my feet dry...

Quote Of The Day

Nurse: "I'll see you later."

Grandpa: "Tell her I'm a married man."

Me: "Well, Grandma's not here right now..."

Grandpa: "Have you seen my wife? I would never cheat on her!"

Snapshot

I took this as I was walking out of Whole Foods and almost dropped my bags in an effort to pull out my camera before, I don't know, the sky entirely vanished. I was ecstatic to get this shot, not because it's captured the sky so well, but because if these aren't The Simpsons clouds, then don't know what are. A few years ago, I had a pair of sunglasses which had slightly purple tinted lenses, and at least a couple of times a month, I would stop someone mid-sentence, point to the sky and say, "Do you see those Simpsons clouds?" And nobody ever did, as I learned slightly tinted lenses makes average skies look cartoonish. So this snapshot is a victory many years in the waiting. See? Simpsons!

Quote Of The Day

Alex: “Hello, you’re speaking to number 1, may he help you?”

Me: “Please.”

Alex: “Would you prefer to speak to number 2?”

Me: “Okay, sounds better.”

Alex: "I'm sorry, you're actually number 2."

Tweets From Prison and Damning Texts

The proof is in the digital imprint:

Tweets From Prison is self-explanatory. I think a most interesting enterprise could be creating some accounts and handing them off to out-of-touch prisoners. If there is such a thing anymore.

"Text Messages: Digital Lipstick on the Collar" For those wandering entrepreneurs out there, do I see a "Digital Dry Cleaners" in the future?

Snapshot

A rough day.

Quote Of The Day

Alex: "If a keychain is the most exciting thing from somewhere, I'm not going."

Julia: "If a keychain is really, really awesome, I am SO there!"

RP/Encore

This website, RP/Encore, takes "To each his own" to new heights. Among their collections, one could find a "Rat Bowtie," a "Pigeon Wing Necklace," and a "London Caught Mouse Pendant." I still can't believe this.

Soccer B*tch

Women's soccer is starting to look a lot like American Football...

Snapshot

A little burst of Spring now that all is monochromatic outside.

Quote Of The Day

Maury: “All in all, are people THAT different from meatballs?"

Le Divorce Lift

Such a great idea HERE.

How To: Carve A Turkey

So I was at my friend Ben's house this past weekend for what he has dubbed "Bensgiving." A day way too close to the actual Thanksgiving where friends can gather and have a less than traditional night of thanks. It's actually a great idea, so steal away, folks! More than a week's break from turkey would have been nice, but then the name might seem even more strange. Anyway, back to my point.. My entire life I have stood in awe as someone can use a carving knife, electronic or "real," and have that knife become an extension of their hand. It's probably as difficult for me to cut a clean piece of meat from a turkey as it would be for me to run 2 miles straight. (To put in perspective, it would be likening someone without shoes to climb Mount Everest.) Hard.

My way of carving a turkey is to pull pieces off manually. Because nothing works like a extention of my hand quite like my actual fingers. And this weekend, Ben did the same thing! I didn't tell him at the time, because I wanted to keep my excitement in proportion with the event and I didn't trust myself. After much thought, to not be alone in the world of neanderthal carving is definitely something to celebrate!

Leave it the the pro's, people! Here is Top Chef's Hosea Rosenberg teaching us all how to be civilized:

And here are some other pretty awesome kitchen tips: Whole Foods Market Holidays.

Snapshot

"Don't mess the 'do, Great Grandpa!"

Quote Of The Day

Clare: “So I was hiking and people had dogs, and then we all stopped, because black bears were walking past us. But I felt kinda safe, because there were pit bulls around. And pit bulls can take on bears, ya know?”

Me: “I didn’t.”

Snapshot

Expanding waistline? Or atrocious angle as she was exhaling? This is what "the camera adds 10 pounds" looks like on a 27 pound dog. There is one great thing about this picture though. Marley's awful belly makes it impossible for anyone to know that I lived with two light bulbs burnt out of my chandelier for weeks. Phew! Thanks dog food and dust balls!

Quote Of The Day

Brian: "Let's have a joint birthday!"

Julia: "Yeah, lets. I'll bring the Harry Potter books."

Brian: "Cool- I'll bring Johnny Walker."

Julia: "I'd leave."

Snapshot

I love a good cocktail napkin...

Quote Of The Day

Life in 2009:

Brian: “It’s raining.”

Alyssa: “It is?”

Brian: “Well, that’s what my Google background says.”

Aly: “My dashboard says it’s cloudy. I guess we’ll let the window be the tie-breaker.”

Alyssa: (Looking out the window…) “Yup, Google wins. It’s raining.”

15 Uses/Reasons For News Print

Newspapers, to me, have always held this magical intrigue. Like, how can someone have the patience to read that many word with a flimsy piece of paper that will not stand up straight for long and will rip and bleed all over your fingers? And talk about pressure! There is no book-marking allowed. You can't get tired and try and pick it up the next day, because it's no longer "news" at that point. And to people who choose their sections, I admire your trying. You don't read the newspaper, though. You try. And try as you might, you could very possibly always be reading the wrong section and you would never even know it.

I have fond memories of newspapers, though. My father's parents sitting in side-by-side beige crocheted chairs in their Florida living room. Reading glasses drifting to the tips of their noses and they seamlessly finished sections and traded them off. I was fascinated with their fluid movements, their voracious reading, their comfort in repetition- allowing the news to be the only changing piece of their ritual. I was never quite so fascinated with what they were reading, so I would sit on the floor and read a chapter of a book, jump on the couch facing them, read another one. Go out onto their terrace and read another while constantly peering at them though their sliding glass door. Back then, I thought I was anxiously awaiting movement because that meant Pool! or Movie! or Lunch! But now I think that I was mesmerized by their routine and their love of it and their love of one another.

And I may have just discovered some uses for incorporating some News Print back into my life. Here are 15 Uses and Reasons for News Print. My favorites include Recession Wallpaper, Burn For Warmth and Wrap A Present. Maybe the internet can't solve everything....

Collecting Holiday Pictures!

Everyone should be uploading their Spectacular Holiday photos of their babies and pets, or their baby pets. As of right now, Marley is on the front page, but I'd like her to have some competition to win!

Snapshot

What do you get when you mix a lit fire and a wax candle?

Black Lava.

Quote Of The Day

Jordan: "How many mirrors do you need? It's kinda weird- I would think you'd want blankets around. You know, something you'd have zero chance of seeing your reflection in."