Thursday, December 24, 2009

Gossip Guy

About 15 years ago, my father and I were in his tiny apartment kitchen on 59th and 1st, and he was cupping a bagel in his palm, slicing downward, and he sliced into the flashy part of his palm. Notice I didn't say "sliced," but actually "sliced IN TO." That was my first memory of feeling like I was going to pass out. His hand was wide open and he walked past me into the bathroom. I followed, wondering if I was going to get the chance to make my first 911 call. What happened next became my second memory of feeling like I was going to pass out. He went into his medicine cabinet and pulled out crazy glue. I did say medicine cabinet, and not workshop drawer, yes. He ripped the cap off and just squeezed, in my opinion, an excessive amount of crazy glue into his open wound. At that point, any amount of glue would have been excessive to me, but it was a lot. And then he held it shut until it held itself in place.

Imagine all of that for a minute. I was sure I would have to call 911 then. "Hi, 911 operator, my father is passed out in the bathroom. He put crazy glue directly into his blood stream. No, I don't know what he was thinking. He may have been lightheaded from bagel-induced blood loss. Yes, I witnessed everything and said nothing to stop him."

As it turns out, the crazy glue did not poison his blood, he skipped the need for stitches, and his hand bears no scar today. To avoid any future accidents - because I don't know how well crazy glue reattaches fingers- I try and send him bagel safety instructions as I find them. I sent him this article yesterday:

Instead of a thank you, this is the response I get:

You may find this beyond your imagination but I actually READ that article the day it was printed in something called The Wall Street Journal. Its printed daily with relevant interesting articles relating to many topics often with a business slant.

No comments: