My momma always warned me that I'd have a daughter who would give me the dirtiest looks, because Karma's a bitch... I live and learn.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
When I think of a spa, I think of white, fluffy robes and unusual oils. And cold water, and soft slippers, and clouds and light and love. Haha. I do not think of dirt, or bugs, and most definitely not snakes. Apparently, having a snake-free spa treatment is not a universally accepted opinion. A spa owner in Israel thinks she has found holistic abilities in the writhing of snakes. Also:
"Ada hopes to expand her menu of treatments to include rodent reflexology where rats and mice are set free on the feet."
People are shelling out $80 per session. I would pay $800 to stay the hell away from that spa, and that woman! And rat reflexology? Really? Were they trained to know which pressure points reduce which aches and pains? And do their opposable thumbs know how much force to rub certain areas with? Maybe "Ada" needs some magical tarantula Haldol.
Would $20,000 a month change my life? Puhleeeaze! What is that? An additional $240,000 a year. Pocket change. Not worth the effort to even dial your petty 1-800 number. Why don't you advertise when you've got some real numbers to toss around?
Monday, November 24, 2008
Last night marked the end of an era, the first season of True Blood on HBO came to an end. And I realized that HBO has done it yet again: Left me a string out junkie. First, they hooked me on The Sopranos. And life was moving along fairly, until they started extending seasons by 28 months! How is that good marketing? Oh yeah, I remember now... That forced me to buy entire seasons, of which never were discounted or deflated, so I could get my fix in the years in between taping. Then, Sex and The City came along. That show made me want to be a forty year old single whore living in the city. Impressive, really. Also, I bought every season as it finished to get me through the dry spell. And most recently, there's been True Blood. And I have been spreading this show's addictivity as far and as wide as I can. Because if I am going to be strung out, my friends damn well better be, as well! I am imagining season purchases are not far behind, but I would really love to take advantage of HBO on demand, and the internet, and hold out on buying the seasons until the show comes to an end. I am just a bit more than sure that when the show really ends, there will be the shiniest blood streaked life sized coffin as the packaging, and I will need it. And now that I have to wait almost year (supposedly) for the second season to begin, we are left with one big question: Bill Compton or Jason Stackhouse? Let me re-word: Stephen Moyer or Ryan Kwanten. And that's easy. Bill Compton beats Jason any day. And off set, Ryan wins over Stephen. Ah, the mysterious powers of lighting and make-up and character development.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
It's been a long time coming, and while AA has a better ring to it, DVRA will have to do. But this isn't anonymous, so in this case, it stands for Digital Video Recording Addict. I have known for quite some time that I have a problem, but like most addicts, I shoved it deep down in an attempt to deny this glaring truth. But there were warning signs!
A few warning signs that stick out in my mind: When I started getting insanely impatient about 15 seconds into a commercial break at a house that didn't have DVR. I have been so accustomed to fast forwarding through that major economy driver, that seeing a commercial was absurd. There was a sad moment that I am only disclosing in an effort to cleanse myself of this habit... After I had come back from a long weekend, my DVR was pretty full, and older shows that I hadn't watched yet were going to be erased to be recorded over by newer shows. And so I spent some time watching old episodes of ER in the slowest fast forward setting that there is, so that I could cut the forty minutes normally spent re-watching the episodes down to about eight minutes. And since I already knew these episodes from when they first aired, and multiple times on reruns over the years, I could follow the shows fairly well this way. I knew this was a low point and continued for hours. And most recently, I have been staying in on Saturdays- skipping the gym and walks with the dogs. Forgoing Christmas shopping and meeting up with friends. And why? Because I have to clear out my DVR. I don't even think of television shows as shows anymore, but actually a chore that I have to get out of the way before I can do things I want to do. If that wasn't sad enough, I wind up being a hamster in a wheel running in circles, because I tape entirely too many things.
I started reading Twilight, also known as a mix between heroin and crack only dissolvable in your body as your eyes soak in the words. And I want to spend time reading, but I choose to spend my time trying to play catch up on this device that I thought cost me ten dollars a month, but I have learned also costs me my social life.
Change is mandated. And I have enrolled Julia as my sponsor in this sure to be difficult and exciting road ahead of me to re-enter society. When she learned the magnitude of my addictions she said, "TV's supposed to release you from reality, not remove you from it." And I am proud to announce that I completed both tasks that she gave to me as homework. 1. I stopped recording all old episodes of ER. That one was a doozy, really! I deselected it, then panicked and called my brother so he could call me a freak, so I could really stick with my decision. I told him I want to fill my mind with new ideas and people, and after the panic wore off, I really did feel lighter. 2. I wrote down, in order, every single thing that I have set to record. Thankfully, seasons don't always overlap, so it has been possible to record all of these.
I suppose I will write down that list here later or tomorrow, if for no other reason than to look back at this when time is running out and remember how much time I wasted.
Goodbye, old ER.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
In case anyone's missed it, I am a Quote's Girl. Yes, I belong to a Quote. Haha, I've lost my mind today. But seriously, if you can sum up something poignant or learned in a compact and tidy little sentence and throw some quotations around it, I will give you my virginity. Um, or one million dollars cash. Or, um, hmmm, grant you three wishes?
I heard a quote a while back from a tv show/movie/something, and it stuck with me. And then more recently, I heard a quote after Obama was chosen by America to be the next President, and I started to forget the other one. Because, you know, that's how it works. I have room in my brain for just one catchy quote, and if I choose to like a different one, the first quote will slowly leak from my ears while I sleep. And then Mojo slowly licks it. But miraculously enough, I have both quotes swimming around my head, and before I go to sleep tonight, I thought I would eternalize them here.
*This is a quote to capture a period of time when babies aren't being born, and parents... :
"There comes a time in life when G-d stops giving and starts taking away."
*This is a quote memorializing the enormity of our first African American President-Elect: (When I heard this, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.)
"Rosa sat, so Martin could dream, so Obama could run, so our children can fly."
*Note: If anyone thinks that explaining a quote takes away from the quote's plausibility as a stand-alone entity, I already thought of that, and decided you are wrong.
*Second Note: If anyone didn't think of that, and thinks that I am insane for having thought about, and then re-thought about it just to clear the air, go lick a pillow!
Alex: “It is great, I am great. I’m just calling it as I see it, and I see it allll day.”
Me: “Where do you come from?”
Alex: “A land where I am great and nobody else is. That’s why there is only one me and then they stopped, ‘cuz it wasn’t fair.”
Monday, November 17, 2008
A list of things that make most smile, just 'cuz:
Falling in love.
Laughing so hard your face hurts.
A hot shower.
No lines at the supermarket.
A special glance.
Taking a drive on a pretty road.
Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
A bubble bath.
A good conversation.
Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
Laughing at yourself.
Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
Playing with a new puppy.
Having someone play with your hair.
Swinging on swings.
Running into an old friend and realizing that somethings (good or bad) never change.
Watching the sunrise.
Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
Try as I might to sit back and enjoy the scenic world around me, I find it really only happens three times a year. When the leaves change for Fall, when the first snow blankets the ground in Winter, and when Spring buds start blossoming flowers I realize I've missed out on for the past five months. Summer, as most people know, is a time for mourning personally. Where the only new scenery is people sweating and all the beautiful colors turning to the same green, trying their hardest not to burn and shrivel up before their time. This week, I am featuring some of my favorite pictures taken, while driving (GASP!) up the Palisade Interstate Parkway where the trees have one last dance with life before the frost sets in.
Friday, November 14, 2008
I saw this man for way too long at JFK International Airport last Friday. Delayed flights, missing airplanes, nothing too shocking there! But I saw this guy and pretended to take pictures of the ceiling until I could comfortably grab this shot. Who does he look like, you may be asking? I will let you know. This man was made in a petrie dish using chromosomes from Eric Bana, Corey Feldman, and Christian Bale. And if you ever run into this man, ask him for all three autographs. That's my biggest regret of the flight....
After literally years of Alex telling me how beautiful Bermuda is, I was fortunate enough to be invited to attend his wedding, and got to see for myself. I haven't had the chance to travel much yet, especially to tropical islands, so I wasn't sure if all vacations were so incredible. And I got my answers from all walks of wedding guests: Nope. One girl told me the islands off of Greece didn't have water so blue. Another guest told me how she had travelled the world and never seen skies so picturesque. So now that I have one stamp in my passport book, there is a high probability that the same stamp may be seen in it over and over again.
I stayed at the Mandarin Oriental in Bermuda, The Elbow Beach Bermuda. Every picture I took looked like a postcard, and every second I was there felt like a movie. Coming back to reality was a little painful, but as I was telling a friend, just knowing that paradise is real and people are living it makes life somehow lighter. The trip included my resolve to try and like fish and to walk more that twenty yards* away from my blackberry. (*Yards was to honor the British colony.) More than likely, I will be featuring pictures sporadically, for a few reasons. Mostly, when I thought about uploading over a hundred similarly stunning photos at once, I felt bad for any readers and myself simultaneously. And on second thought, I would like to bring back the trip randomly always.
I'll finish with one amazing quote, that summed up the island to me: "When your mind stops working, let your body do the thinking." This was told to me by a hotel employee who escorted me back to my first room after I accidentally left my phone on a chair. I jogged up the cliff thinking about losing all of my contacts and vowing to update my computer with new contact info, which I still haven't done. And I was met by this island man, seemingly carefree and charming and wise beyond measure. I want to go back!
Friday, November 7, 2008
What a difference a flash makes! It kind of freaked me out when I took this- how deceived have I been from other people's pictures?
When we got the deck leading onto the sand, a man came jogging up to us from the water, telling us to be careful, because there were sand mites biting like crazy. We opted to stand there for a few minutes anyway. And I regretted that decision for the next three weeks.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Do you ever wonder how people used to survive without the internet? Research and knowledge were so far away, communication was so strictly limited to certain channels, news was a luxury. Putting people's Face's In Hole's had to be less common!
Me as Fergie. And not just once...
Apparently, I really want to be Fergie!
Carrie looks like a seven year old gymnast here. Does that mean Madonna does, too?
I'd buy J'adore from her!
And, finally, Brian as Jim Morrison. There are no words. Or too many!
I decided to wait a day, and let Obama's presidential win sink in. A stamp in time, a mark in history, and most importantly, proof that equality is possible. People remember where they were when the 9/11 disaster struck. People remember where they sat as the news of President Kennedy getting assassinated came over on crackly radios. And now I can remember where I sat when Barack Obama was chosen by the American public to lead this country into better times.
And, lucky for him, he doesn't have to do a whole lot to get us to "better." Actually, I think he already has done that. He has inspired young people to vote, he has made people realize that race has no place in a race, and he got the country more excited about our future than I can ever remember us getting. We didn't have to wait until the wee hours of the morning, we didn't have to worry about re-counts and controversy. "We" as a whole spoke. "We" as a whole would have to respectfully follow any leader the majority has deemed worthy of that position. So I wish everyone could just get on board already. If this presidential race hasn't taught you that there is no black and white on anything, candidates, policies, religion, then I'm sorry for you. And you can move to Canada, or rally harder next time. But you cannot think that your outbursts and booing and warnings are making a difference, because the difference is bigger than us all.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Election Day Has Arrived!!
To honor this long awaited day of choosing a "socialist" future or to repeat this recently devastating past, I decided to share a picture of my brother, wearing a t-shirt made to resemble an Arabic headpiece. So, YouTube video creators, he must be a terrorist. Maybe we can get some unfounded, completely irrelevant personal claims lawyer to host a seven minute hate video disguised at being non-biased and truthful so that the impressionable majority can be made to feel more afraid of change than standing still and drowning.
Letting me know her possible Halloween costume options: (I couldn't post this pre-Halloween, as it would have ruined the surprise.)
Carrie: "So, a Go-Go Girl, Marilyn Monroe, or a teenage whore? ‘Cuz I have braces, and they’re not gonna be there next October.”
Monday, November 3, 2008
I thought this was appropriate, as the world is abuzz with tomorrow's impending Election Day, and not being prepared to take control over the fate of this country scares me. Maybe I am alone...
Jordan: "Tomorrow is vote day, right?"
Me: "Election day, sir. And, yes, it is."
Jordan: "You takin' off work, or partially?"
Me: "No, sir."
Jordan: "You're not voting?"
Me: "Of course I am, right after work, the lines are shorter."
Jordan: "Oooh, it's open then? There are lines? F**k that. What could posess someone to vote? Dear G-d."
Me: "OMG, please dont start with me."
Jordan: "There shouldn't be any lines. You're doing something for your country. There should be a better way. And I will be that person. The fixer of "vote day."
Me: "You can get free Starbuck's and free Ben and Jerry's."
Me: "Ready for this one? Starbuck's and Ben and Jerry's."
Jordan: "For voting?"