Bye Bye Mattie

On Hell's Kitchen, there has been a candidate even more ridiculous than the idea of giving a stranger who you yell at for six weeks $250,000 and an executive chef's position at a new restaurant.

Dear Matt, Mattie, Full-Metal-Jacket-Man,

Maybe now that you are gone, I can take the competition more seriously, because to be quite honest, each day you were not eliminated, I imagined Chef Ramsey getting a stipend check for keeping you on another week by producers who think the audience is too stupid to know this is all a hoax. You are sexist, even though despite your neanderthal physical appearance, you seem to have been afflicted with a whiny female inside. You whimpered incessantly, couldn't lift bags of ice that women were lifting no problem, you perked up at the idea of a manicure, you were afflicted with migraines, and I am assuming, menstrual cramps. It disturbed me that you thought you had a slight chance to win the competition. It scares me that one day, you could be even sweeping the floors in the same building I should be eating in. I hope this entire show was an act for you. That you don't find anything you said on the show to be amusing, true, or normal. Mostly, I hope that when you get back to your mother's house, she tucks you in to your straight jacket immediately.