Musings....

This was sent to be my a coworker, and it brought together two very silly websites....

The first, Stuff White People Like. The second, Black People Love Us. 

What a world this web weaves.

Snapshot

"You're insipid. You bore me. I squint at you. Can't.seem.to.look.away."

Quote of the Day

A.H.: "The rope with you is so short that if I was in an 80 foot ditch, I'd have to reach up 79 feet to get your help. It's unfair, so you put it in your pipe and smoke it."




**This is wildly untrue. Maybe 78 feet, but cut me some slack.

Time Flies When You're Driving By

I love when poignancy peers in from the last place you'd expect it to. As I thoughtlessly take pictures of a favorite street as I drive down it, I get struck with the notion that life keeps picking up speed. As a young child, time goes so slowly that each night, the idea of bedtime evokes panic in nine out of ten children. (Do you like my statistics? Very scientific, there.) Eight hours of time is an eternity! It is a prison sentence that will be repeated daily. 

In high school, classes dragged and winter lasted for about 19 months. I learned how fast time could fly though, every Friday night quickly morphed into Monday morning homeroom, and every June break immediately became back-to-school shopping on the first of September. 

In college, the pace of life picked up. Studying for midterms blended in with studying for finals, and it felt like we were all packing for our semester breaks far too frequently. Three months of work earned three credits per class and then that class, no matter what the subject, became personal history. Planning a weekend getaway instantly turned into scrap-booking those pictures you took months and months to develop and remembering how great that weekend was. That impromptu drive across four states will never happen again.

Post-college life, and weeks blending together turn into months. I appreciate every season, even in the painfully icy cold, because it's life is short and I know I will yearn for it in a moment when it's ninety seven degrees and my mascara can only drip down my cheeks. I don't dread the Spring when my eyes will itch, and my sneezes go on for days, because I can ignore an itch here and there, but I choose not to ignore bright green leaves and budding flowers and my re-aquaintance with flip-flops.

My dogs seem to get older in record time, and that is without the milestones that I will have slapping me in the face every day with children. No first words, steps, fights, loves, tuitions, marriages... Each decade quantifies so drastically, that I am actually worried that thirty will turn into forty five will turn into seventy will turn into a little old woman rocking in her chair warmly reminiscing on her past ninety years of regret and love and pride and happiness. There's no use in worrying though, it's coming. I may be at thirty miles an hour now, but the trees keep getting blurrier and the speed is picking up.

The Centipede vs. The Scorpion

I have always wondered which bug would prevail is a good ol' fashioned throw down.

And here it is.

Wow.

Redneck Best Of's

A friend sent me a whole slew of "You Might Be A Redneck If...." pictures, and a few made me smile.....
A Redneck Weather Station:  

Redneck Gingerbread House:

Redneck Doorbell: (Although I'm totally looking into this for a few people....)

Redneck Interview:

Snapshot

Does it even matter what they sell? I'll take ten bucks worth, please.

Say It With Me

 

ALPHA KENNY BODY

~Say it out loud, slowly. When you realize what you said, share with your loved ones.~

Quote of the Day

Oh, A.H.: ""Just take the first layer of skin off and see what happens."

Perfect Workstations

The perfect workstation would definitely involve perma-massagers, a fan to keep the air around me always moving (and wind-swept hair is a plus), an attached water cooler with shaved ice chips waiting cooly on a side somewhere... I am sure I could think of more, but it's a start. And since that does err on the side of unrealistic, here are some very doable ones:

~The Nethrone- Where your only concern will be keeping those baby blues open.

~The ErgoQuest- Where leaving your bed just to get work done is a thing of the past.

~The Battle-Rig-Pro- For those of us who will always be convinced that if there was a way to combine workstations with arcade games, life will be complete.

~The PCE- I'm pretty sure this was created to satisfy dentist-lovers with a lot of work to get done.

and my favorite:

~The LifeFitness- This is so the term "sitting on my butt and surfing the web" can no longer be applied. I'd no longer have to choose between exercise and the internet, I could choose cable on my couch.

Here is BornRich's top ten picks.

Quote of the Day

The T-Man: "You're rockin' the righteous whip today, man."

oh man.

Snapshot

                                                      Gotta Getta Gund!

No, really, listen to me. He may look like a Gund, but that is where the similarities end. Go to your nearest toy store, buy the closest plush animal you can find, bring it home, and realize you have just escaped a hectic fate.

Quote of the Day

                       Me: "I hate that you fit on that couch so well."

                                Carrie: "Jealous?? I am a midget!"

Crocodile!!

I was thinking she looked like a lizard, but I couldn't place which one. Not a salamander, not a gecko, not an iguana......
                                                A baby crocodile!!

Chiropractically Speaking...

As most people in my life now, I have been experiencing painful back episodes lately. Technically, my back has been out of commission four times in the past two years. Not too bad, right? Well, on closer inspection, my back has been out three times in the past five months, so that starts to add up. I've tried back strengthening exercises, specific daily stretches, physical therapy, and complete avoidance of lifting anything heavier than a light bowling ball. Still, I found myself practically incapacitated, and in excruciating pain, and I cannot deal. Finally, I listened to my mother, grandmother, aunt, and great-aunt and see this "miracle worker" of a chiropractor. (Maybe wondering where I inherited back problems can come to a halt now.)

His office was a walk-up, and anyone who has had bac back pain knows stairs may not be the best route. His office was small and clean, but noticeably without windows. And instead of paying for good lighting to compensate, there were cut-outs in each room, in the dropped ceiling panels of course. And inside those cut-outs? Faux plastic clouds. Those sky-lights sure had me fooled. As I wait in the six person waiting room, with nobody else around, I have reservations? Can I trust a man with my sensitive and inflamed spine who actually thinks his "sky lights" are okay?

In his office, he was polite and professional and then the pain started. He manipulated my spine so minutely, and caused so much pain, I would have left if it didn't feel like the whole bottom of my back was crazy glued to the adjustment table. (Yay for back spasms!) As I pathetically flipped sides so that my face was planted in between sheets of tissue paper facing the ground, he placed his open palm against my thigh and pushed his thumb into the flesh of my butt. Hello! He lingered there for an awkward few minutes. I have gone to chiropractor's before, so this was new and alarming. And as he moved his hand away, I breathed a sigh of relief only to feel one of his hands on either side of my hips. He jerked my jeans and underwear off of me and pulled them down to the top of my thighs. He squirted on the "blue-goo" and rubbed an ultra-sound machine all over my butt and lower back for a few minutes. That was followed by him delicately scraping the blue-goo off of me for at least two minutes and then wiping me off.

The rest of my night was followed by worsening pains, and a palpable remorse. Then I woke up this morning hugely better than I was yesterday.

Is it better to be fully respected or fully recovered?........

I made a second appointment for tomorrow.

Quote of the Day

Alex: "You know, you give a homeless person a job and then..... Where'd you find this one? A bus terminal?"

Language Of The World

My practically estranged ex-stepfather's younger sister (phew) lives a glamorous life. She moved to Israel as a young adult and has lived there for far too long, as far as I'm concerned. She is stunningly beautiful, has travelled the world, speaks multiple languages, and opens her front door onto one of the most spectacular beaches on Earth. Her career had always eluded me. She is a videographer? A documentarian? I always knew she followed her dreams, and she always acted as an inspiration for me to do the same, but I technically never knew what she did specifically.

I finally get an Israeli music video she created sent in to me. And I love it. Thought I'd share the wealth.

Snapshot

     YAWNING is contagious. Right? She could totally make the front page.

Quote of the Day

Me: "I'm gonna sub your fries for salad."
Alex: "Yeah? I'm gonna punch you in the eye. I'm gonna sub your eyes for holes."

Today should now be known as National Salad Day. Mark your calendars.

Is Waiting Worth It?

I am not the shining example of patience, I will fully admit it. Once something creeps into my brain, it takes over like an obsessive cancer and literally seeps into every thought until it is purchased/accomplished/acted out. It's not my proudest attribute, but I fail to compartmentalize my brain... so, everything gets melded into one big ball of life. And a new idea is the dominant color every time. 

As everyone knows, technology is always changing. As you are waiting for your newest and best to be delivered, it's being disregarded and tossed into clearance bins. 1 gig turns into 4 and 4 pounds become one. I used to try and wait out my purchases, just three more weeks and then I should finally buy that camera. Just one more year, and then that Ipod will be able to hold 800,000 songs and sing me lullabies out loud while I fall asleep. Wait seven months and your exact car will be more fuel efficient, and can track where you and each member of your family are at all hours of the day. It's incredible, really. 

When I was patiently waiting to buy my camera, this was a common example conversation:

Check out girl: "Paper or plastic?"

Me: (in my head) "My camera would be so awesome right now. Do you see the way the light is shining on that window? I want my camera, I want to..."

Check out girl: "Excuse me?"

Me: "Either is fine. I'm getting a camera. Thanks. Have a great day."

So, my public plea:  When I do finally buy something, please don't let me know it's been immediately outdated, over-performed, and under-valued.  Today, as I was setting up my brand new phone that I have needed for far too long, someone sends me this link.

Oh, the pain.