This week, I was able to ring in Tristan's 12th birthday, and I can't help but experience the dichotomy that is him. On one hand, he is the same good hearted, sweet, fairly hyper, inquisitive, expressive, intelligent platinum blonde kid he was when he was two, and I believe born. On the other hand, he is TWELVE. Like, officially a pre-teen, questions directives, and is a hell of a lot smarter than most kids twice his age. With every blink of an eye, another birthday cake rolls out. This one was designed while he was at a movie, but he chose all ingredients. Carrot cake mix, Halloween Diabetes flavored orange colored icing, crystal sigar sprinkles, hard bone shaped candies covered in blood, and Oreo's special confetti icing filled cookies to ring in their 100th anniversary. Sound good? Then I may have not explained it well enough...
I have decided to make you a birthday salad, birthday man!!!
I know you are picky about ingredients, so I wanted to be up front with you about it so we didn't have to beg you or argue with you later. It will be glorious!
The Birthday Boy Recipe! A salad fit for birthday kings....
You start with one pound of radicchio lettuce. you hard boil some eggs and wave them around the lettuce so the aroma of body odors permeates the sliced leaves. You flash fry cow brains, so they start to ooze but stay a cool mush in the middle. Chop finely and add to lettuce. Then, of course, you throw in 35 whole and raw garlic cloves, strips of ghost chili peppers raw, fish eyes if possible, and if not, canned sardines will suffice. And the dressing? A little bit of local ground dirt, for texture. Some Cool Whip, Miracle Whip, and the liquid from a jar of green olives purreed, sauteed and then fermented for a good week before mixing all together.
His reply: "Haha that is very funny."