As anointed "Cruise Director," I gladly took on the challenge of meeting and lassoing up all non-retirees on my recent trans-Atlantic cruise. Don't get me wrong, the old people had their charms. We had war stories, and then the same stories repeated. Fragrant elevator "oopsies" and a floating colostomy bag in the therapy pool. But I drew the line at trying to eat dinner and watching food drool out. Not that there's anything wrong with that. If it were my loved one's drool, I'd be totally enjoying their dinner antics. But I wanted to eat steak and not feel like a show off. Mission accomplished!