My momma always warned me that I'd have a daughter who would give me the dirtiest looks, because Karma's a bitch... I live and learn.Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Snapshot
My momma always warned me that I'd have a daughter who would give me the dirtiest looks, because Karma's a bitch... I live and learn.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Snake Spa
When I think of a spa, I think of white, fluffy robes and unusual oils. And cold water, and soft slippers, and clouds and light and love. Haha. I do not think of dirt, or bugs, and most definitely not snakes. Apparently, having a snake-free spa treatment is not a universally accepted opinion. A spa owner in Israel thinks she has found holistic abilities in the writhing of snakes. Also:
"Ada hopes to expand her menu of treatments to include rodent reflexology where rats and mice are set free on the feet."
People are shelling out $80 per session. I would pay $800 to stay the hell away from that spa, and that woman! And rat reflexology? Really? Were they trained to know which pressure points reduce which aches and pains? And do their opposable thumbs know how much force to rub certain areas with? Maybe "Ada" needs some magical tarantula Haldol.
Snapshot
Would $20,000 a month change my life? Puhleeeaze! What is that? An additional $240,000 a year. Pocket change. Not worth the effort to even dial your petty 1-800 number. Why don't you advertise when you've got some real numbers to toss around?Monday, November 24, 2008
Snapshot
I think it's a rule: If a dog is tilting it's head, that negates anything bad it had just been doing.Quote of the Day
Me: "She's in the fields of Switzerland, milking goats, of course."
Alex: "Who will save your soul?"
Me: "Jewel."
True Blood- Season One- Goodnight
Last night marked the end of an era, the first season of True Blood on HBO came to an end. And I realized that HBO has done it yet again: Left me a string out junkie. First, they hooked me on The Sopranos. And life was moving along fairly, until they started extending seasons by 28 months! How is that good marketing? Oh yeah, I remember now... That forced me to buy entire seasons, of which never were discounted or deflated, so I could get my fix in the years in between taping. Then, Sex and The City came along. That show made me want to be a forty year old single whore living in the city. Impressive, really. Also, I bought every season as it finished to get me through the dry spell. And most recently, there's been True Blood. And I have been spreading this show's addictivity as far and as wide as I can. Because if I am going to be strung out, my friends damn well better be, as well! I am imagining season purchases are not far behind, but I would really love to take advantage of HBO on demand, and the internet, and hold out on buying the seasons until the show comes to an end. I am just a bit more than sure that when the show really ends, there will be the shiniest blood streaked life sized coffin as the packaging, and I will need it. And now that I have to wait almost year (supposedly) for the second season to begin, we are left with one big question: Bill Compton or Jason Stackhouse? Let me re-word: Stephen Moyer or Ryan Kwanten. And that's easy. Bill Compton beats Jason any day. And off set, Ryan wins over Stephen. Ah, the mysterious powers of lighting and make-up and character development. 
Friday, November 21, 2008
Quote of the Day
Alex: “Both dogs? Oh, sorry. I thought you were growing up for a second there.”
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Quote of the Day
Tristan: “Well, Mom, they lied.”
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
DVRA
It's been a long time coming, and while AA has a better ring to it, DVRA will have to do. But this isn't anonymous, so in this case, it stands for Digital Video Recording Addict. I have known for quite some time that I have a problem, but like most addicts, I shoved it deep down in an attempt to deny this glaring truth. But there were warning signs!
A few warning signs that stick out in my mind: When I started getting insanely impatient about 15 seconds into a commercial break at a house that didn't have DVR. I have been so accustomed to fast forwarding through that major economy driver, that seeing a commercial was absurd. There was a sad moment that I am only disclosing in an effort to cleanse myself of this habit... After I had come back from a long weekend, my DVR was pretty full, and older shows that I hadn't watched yet were going to be erased to be recorded over by newer shows. And so I spent some time watching old episodes of ER in the slowest fast forward setting that there is, so that I could cut the forty minutes normally spent re-watching the episodes down to about eight minutes. And since I already knew these episodes from when they first aired, and multiple times on reruns over the years, I could follow the shows fairly well this way. I knew this was a low point and continued for hours. And most recently, I have been staying in on Saturdays- skipping the gym and walks with the dogs. Forgoing Christmas shopping and meeting up with friends. And why? Because I have to clear out my DVR. I don't even think of television shows as shows anymore, but actually a chore that I have to get out of the way before I can do things I want to do. If that wasn't sad enough, I wind up being a hamster in a wheel running in circles, because I tape entirely too many things.
I started reading Twilight, also known as a mix between heroin and crack only dissolvable in your body as your eyes soak in the words. And I want to spend time reading, but I choose to spend my time trying to play catch up on this device that I thought cost me ten dollars a month, but I have learned also costs me my social life.
Change is mandated. And I have enrolled Julia as my sponsor in this sure to be difficult and exciting road ahead of me to re-enter society. When she learned the magnitude of my addictions she said, "TV's supposed to release you from reality, not remove you from it." And I am proud to announce that I completed both tasks that she gave to me as homework. 1. I stopped recording all old episodes of ER. That one was a doozy, really! I deselected it, then panicked and called my brother so he could call me a freak, so I could really stick with my decision. I told him I want to fill my mind with new ideas and people, and after the panic wore off, I really did feel lighter. 2. I wrote down, in order, every single thing that I have set to record. Thankfully, seasons don't always overlap, so it has been possible to record all of these.
I suppose I will write down that list here later or tomorrow, if for no other reason than to look back at this when time is running out and remember how much time I wasted.
Goodbye, old ER.
Quote of the Day
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Before I Forget
In case anyone's missed it, I am a Quote's Girl. Yes, I belong to a Quote. Haha, I've lost my mind today. But seriously, if you can sum up something poignant or learned in a compact and tidy little sentence and throw some quotations around it, I will give you my virginity. Um, or one million dollars cash. Or, um, hmmm, grant you three wishes?
I heard a quote a while back from a tv show/movie/something, and it stuck with me. And then more recently, I heard a quote after Obama was chosen by America to be the next President, and I started to forget the other one. Because, you know, that's how it works. I have room in my brain for just one catchy quote, and if I choose to like a different one, the first quote will slowly leak from my ears while I sleep. And then Mojo slowly licks it. But miraculously enough, I have both quotes swimming around my head, and before I go to sleep tonight, I thought I would eternalize them here.
*This is a quote to capture a period of time when babies aren't being born, and parents... :
"There comes a time in life when G-d stops giving and starts taking away."
*This is a quote memorializing the enormity of our first African American President-Elect: (When I heard this, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.)
"Rosa sat, so Martin could dream, so Obama could run, so our children can fly."
*Note: If anyone thinks that explaining a quote takes away from the quote's plausibility as a stand-alone entity, I already thought of that, and decided you are wrong.
*Second Note: If anyone didn't think of that, and thinks that I am insane for having thought about, and then re-thought about it just to clear the air, go lick a pillow!
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