2014: Missing My Friendship Necklace

Alright, I admit it, I have been totally slacking on the happy days posts. And not for any other reason than life keeps getting in the way. Oh, and blogspot doesn't let me edit text like I want to, so there is the ever mounting frustration and my handicaps that literally cease to exist if I cease to visit and write anything. By the way, I need to find a new blog forum. I just entered twice and tabbed there, although I highly doubt you will be able to see that there. 2014 has been a whopper of a year so far, personally. Two of my bestest friends in the whole wide world not so politely told me that I was no longer a friend to them. Have you ever had someone lay on their horn toward you in the road when you have no idea that you did anything wrong? And when you realize the angry person behind you is honking at you, you methodically look back to every car maneuver you have made on this entire road and the one before it and the one before that, thinking of some worthy offense that you committed but you come up empty handed? Well, imagine that, but one zillion trillion times worse, because the person honking at you is the person you would lay down in railroad tracks for and you aren't even driving a car. It's one thing when someone so close to you is no longer, but when two people separate, it is literally impossible to not try to pin it on yourself. I dare you. I'm human, I have my faults, and ambiguities. I have my shortcomings and my weaknesses. I have my emotional outbursts and my seven deadly sins emerge uninvited from time to time. But after questioning myself for what feels like an eternity, I can declare loud and proud: I am an excellent friend. I would want me as a friend. I want to be able to look at these two girls and say, she wasn't a great person, or I completely misjudged her character. I want to say that I am better off without insincere relationships in my life and that they weren't who I thought they were. I want to be angry. Actually, scratch that. I AM angry. I am angry that I was hun judge and jury without any defense. I am angry that after ten plus years of total investment, there is not so much as a conversation about switching banks. But I cannot look at the relationships I had with regret. I cannot seem to look at two amazing people that I loved so, so much, and think negatively about them. I keep trying, trust me. I have gone through every emotion this year, and HARD. I have been in mourning, and embarrassed and worried and sorry and sad and confused and doubting. I have wanted other people to stand up for me. To say, "Hey, wait a second, have you actually had a conversation?" I have been furious and confused and beaten down. But.... Life happens. People get married, or they move, or they move on. People date people who don't get along with everyone, or their priorities change. People believe one person over the other. It is life, it's changing and evolving. I think I was just just fortunate to have avoided these growing pains for so long, they just hit me like a ton of bricks. Under water. After being poisoned. And dragged down. By the devil himself. But I had ten peaceful years whereas other people I knew had sporadic growing pains. I find solace in the truth I believe in: Everything happens for a reason. Maybe these relationships will return. Maybe they are gone. But everything that happens next is supposed to. And outside of forgetting that from time to time, I am happy. I learned such a huge lesson. I cannot allow other people to define me, because nobody is as committed. And while I think I lay it all out on the line, people can only see one side. So I am working on empowering myself, because I have seen the 360, and that chick is okay.

Quote of the Day

Me: "Shut up in your face! It's from a really bad old Robert Pattinson flick." Jordan: "The vampire? Remember the craze around him? He's a homely man who got a lucky break."

100 Happy Days: Day 11

There's just something about buying new, shimmery make-up that makes me happy. I don't think, subconsciously, that it will make me more presentable. I think it with full consciousness.

100 Happy Days: Day 10

Happy birthday to my Marley girl. She turns 8 today, and her completely white face keeps her semi-youth well hidden to deter jealousy. She is my favorite puggle in the world, astounding me continuously with her completely indistinguishable palette and her never ending need to be wrapped up in blankets and her insurmountable patience with the other dog who never.leaves.her.alone.

100 Happy Days: Day 9

This woman's name is real. It made me smile, through my headache even. Thanks to her mother, named Beverly, according to a wedding show on TLC. So there will soon be another name added on.

Quote of the Day

Me: "I'm gonna date someone who can kick your ass."

Jordan: "Ha. We'd end up making fun of you together. And then we'd find you in a corner drinking out of the bottle."

100 Happy Days: Day 8

My "baby" brother just turned 25 years old. Technically, it was a few days ago already, on Saint Patrick's Day, but since I so vividly remember other life events in his life as if they aren't as far back as they actually are, I think I can get away with saying, "He JUST turned 25." I might have him beat in years, and back problems, and creaky knees, but he has sprouted his first bright white hairs before me, and while he thinks my jubilation over this fact is borderline obsessive, I don't care. It makes us closer in age somehow. I feel like he is my peer, my friend. Truthfully, sometimes he acts like my father. I can't blame him, since their DNA is so clearly a direct replica of one another. I guess my proudness over him makes my true status as elder sibling prevail. He has blossomed into an impossibly funny human being, quick witted and intuitive. And that is saying A LOT, since he didn't master the order of the months in a year for a VERY, VERY long time. And while me may groan about being a quarter of a century old, I smile, because he just made the last quarter of a century matter.

100 Happy Days: Day 7

Do you ever love a show so much that you hoard its recordings so that you can watch a bunch of them at once, and even when you decide it's time to catch up, one episode is so amazing that you only watch one so that you have that many more to look forward to and then sometimes as you lay in bed trying to fall asleep you have waking nightmares about your DVR failing somehow and erasing your precious saved recordings? No? Yeah, me neither. That would be crazy. But, theoretically, I watched the first episode of Vikings today, and not the others that I have recorded, and it was outstanding.

100 Happy Days: Day 6

A dear friend of mine had his first child. A little baby boy named Adam. He is healthy, his parents are well, and I looked at my friend and saw him transform in front of me. This year, so far, I have really been made aware of how much can change in a day. Wild transformations, worlds shifting, friendships evolving, life created. I asked Oudom what he was feeling and he looked at me like I had ten heads. So I narrowed it down for him. I asked him what two adjectives covered what he was feeling and he replied with, "Tired and worried." He became a dad.

100 Happy Days: Day 5

Super positive, right?! Made me laugh. People thought to make this for other people to actually wear!

100 Happy Days: Day 4

CVS really came through for me today. Large hair clips? Check. A place to escape traffic for a few minutes? Yes. And.... see above!

Quote Of The Day

Me: "I may need to come over later to take a shower. My hot water isn't working." Jordan: "Things you'll need: your own EVERYTHING."

100 Happy Days: Day 3

I love Target!!

100 Happy Days: Day 2

I may not look too happy, but when your two year old niece re-does your hair, and it's still on your head, be thankful.

100 Happy Days

Can I actually commit to updating a post every single day for 100 days? Or better yet, can I actually find 100 different things that I encounter in a day for 100 days straight that make me happy? A funnier project would be, "100 Crazy Days," or "100 People To Avoid." But I am going to be positive- who doesn't enjoy reading up on someone's boring, cute, not at all amusing happiness items? ME. So I will not be re-reading my posts. I will also not promise that there won't be repeats. And there may be large spans for time, like the 9 days I will be in Florida without internet possibly in April, that I will have to catch up on. Seriously, though, I like this idea. Forcing myself to find, and commemorate, the beauty in every day. I notice it, don't get me wrong. But while I am looking off into the trees, seeing a sweet single blossom poking its way from a curvy, deep branch, with the perfect backdrop of early dawn sun surfacing through other trees beyond the horizon, someone starts to honk at me and I lose that image- forever. In an effort to try to hold on to some of that, here goes 100 Happy Days. Day One.

Marley and Mojo- surely to be repeat offenders on my list. They embody happiness, and today, when I didn't have to set an alarm, and didn't care that I opened my eyes closer to lunch than breakfast, I am really on their level. And if I could relax with my leg in the air like Mojo, I would have 1,000 happy days incorporating advanced yoga into very advanced lounging.

Convo Of The Day

Jordan: "I'm not overly sensitive like......" Me: "Like who?!?" Jordan: "Someone with similar chromosomes to me..." Me: "An uncivilized gorilla?"

Quote of the Day

Carrie: "So I need to figure out how to change my ringtone on my phone...Would Big Pimpin' make me look easy?"

Conversation of the Day

Jordan: (On leaving work early) "I'm going to the all star game with joey! How sick?"

Me: "I would love to come. Thanks for the invite."

Jordan: "HAHA. Did they score the hoop yet? Hooray team!"

Me: "Oh, it is basketball?"

Jordan: "No. That's you during a baseball game. You don't even know which all star game is on."

Me: "I thought it was baseball which is why I said I would go."

Jordan: "The only tickets you should receive are for les miserables."

Me: "Do not eff with me son."

Jordan: "IT IS BASEBALL."

Me: "I would love to see les mis!"

Jordan: "I feel the vein in my neck pumping massive amounts of blood."  

Me: "I know it's baseball, silly monkey face."

Jordan: "And now it popped..."

Snapshot

Me. Bangs. These quarter or mid-life crises' are no joke! They make me clean compulsively, start cooking, and decide to cut off some hair in the front of my head. I have naturally curly hair. And I don't like being hot. And it is getting hot outside. Maybe the cleaning products are getting to my head.

Conversation of the Day

Me: "I need veggies or fruits...A is for apple. B is for banana. C is for carrot. D is for daikon. E is for.... eggplant!!! F is for ..."

Jordan: "Freeze this convo!"

Me: "Fennel. G- garlic. H- hot pepper. I.... There is no 'i'! I have stumped myself!!"

Jordan: "I put a pen through my eye because of this conversation. There's your 'i'."