Snapshot

A little Mandee's throwback... and just so true!

Snapshots

Meet Gracie. When I first met her, as a recent adoption at the local Stacy and clan residence, she looked like a dainty cartoon character. She was so thin, with these giant open eyes and she could have easily been mistaken for a Precious Moments figurine, had someone spray painted her and frozen her in place. Not in an animal cruelty kinda way. And last week, I was able to spend some quality time with her, but my first thought was definitely, "Oh my Lord! The cat looks so cat-y!' And my second thought was, "Hmmmm, I hear you are obsessed with paper. I know where you are coming from." And then I proceeded to torment or thrill her for hours with bits of paper rolled up or smushed together, or balled up. And as she chased and pawed and leaped after and ate these pieces, I eagerly rolled and smushed and balled up more for her.

*Paper Soulmate*

Quote of the Day

Me: "Lunch. So I can grind some lettuce instead of my teeth."

Quote of the Day

Carrie: "My arms are sooooo itchy right now. Dear god- I want to scratch them off!"

Me: "Why? Did you eat poison tsumac pie for lunch?"

Carrie: "I got my (allergy) shots."

Me: "OH! HAHAHAHA! Wasn't even close."

Snapshot

Warning: Falling asleep on my couch will result in... dog blanket! At least while other people are awake. Mojo tucked into Stacy's side. Marley gingerly clawed her way up Stacy's hip, scratched around to make her rib cage more satisfying and plopped her 25 pounds straight down. And everyone remained asleep. So deceivingly soundly. But had there not been a couple of us still awake, Marley would never have wasted her time just laying down. And sleeping? For.The.Weak. No, Marley would be skillfully opening zippers, breaking into side rooms, hunting down first chapstick and lip glosses, annihilating then moving on to general medication, disposable razors, gum and candy (notice these are about fourth on the list) and then if there's time, shredding every item that has ever touched or been near a greasy food product. But here, for now, look how cute they are!

Quote of the Day

Me: "True story, kid-a-ma-bob."

Jordan: "See, if I had any control in society, you'd be restrained and put into a special home for that comment. I don't even know what that means. And can barely read it."

Forty Things That Made Me Feel Old

Read'em and Weep

Kids don't know what rewinding is... Kurt Cobain's been dead for 17 years (That's a whole person!)... Bart Simpson is 31... A TV Guide cover from TWENTY years ago is Shannon Doherty for Beverly Hills, 90210...

Quote of the Day

Carrie: "A woman is sitting at home drinking a glass of wine on the porch with her husband and she says, 'I love you.' He asks, 'Is that you or the wine talking?/ She replies, 'It's me.....talking to the wine.'"

Snapshot

The goatee wearing, hipster loving, book fetish enthusiast working at "The Drama Bookshop" on 40th and 8th was not amused when I stared awkwardly at the all-too-high couch and then asked where I could kick back with a good book.

Whatever. I know you climb up there at night. And perform Juliet's lines with a thick British accent and tears flowing down your face.

Quote of the Day

Aly: "Can I sign my name on your wall in chocolate brown so it looks like maybe you are friends with a very talented monkey?"

Man- Can's

I may always first think back to the full breasted man across the aisle from me on the bus the other day. I was so thankful for my skilled peripheral vision, because my eyes were glued to his chest one way or another. I am not making fun of him. And maybe I don't even need to feel badly for him. Maybe he is the happiest, luckiest most sought after human being to walk this Earth. I hope so.

And I also hope that one of these days, some thirteen year old kid that I know can create and follow-through on their idea of anything awesome. (And by awesome, I mean profitable enough to afford me an occasional pity hand out for not being creative enough to think up scented candles on her own.)

Seriously, a thirteen year old boy thought up the idea for Man-Can's, scented candles designed for men, and a few that I wouldn't mind so much either. Bacon candles may be on my shopping list for gifts this holiday season. ESPECIALLY if someone I know starts making some serious cash or their own idea! Hint: Scented candle.

Quote of the Day

Scott: "...He is the President of a company with the word creative in its title and then said, 'That's why we asked you in here. We aren't that creative.' Isn't that like false advertising?"

Photo of the Day

I shared this with some friends already, but then I thought, why deprive anyone in particular from found intelligence? I was walking around Hell's Kitchen last night, after escaping Hell incarnate, also known as The Port Authority dum dum dummmmm, and I was admiring the breeze and the fact that with each step I took, I was farther and farther from the Port Authority. I saw people walking their dogs, and only one breed repeatedly raced ahead tugging at their owners' arms: The Puggle. I remember when Marley used to do that to me. And then she got a taste of her own medicine with Mojo pulling like a sled dog running for life or death even though that means his front paws are always wildly flailing in their air in front of him. All of you troubled Puggle owners? I can loan you my Yorkie. Have them walk together, just one time. Your dog will never be the same. And I may change my phone number.

Back to the point: Listen up Pharmacy #229896702! Diabetics don't need latex gloves more than any other person. Stop classifying people like that. But in reference to the hot chocolate discount, that is totally on the money. There's nothing better for a diabetic that some good old fashioned sugar laden hot chocolate. Good job.

Quote of the Day

Scott: "So I just met with a CRAZY LESBIAN! Totally nuts- or maybe from Long Island..."

Gut Wretching

So every trial and tribulation I have endured surrounding taking mass transit as of late was trumped last night by the bravest person I know: my friend Shaun. His story is filled with such sheer horror that I feel compelled to write it down even as a third party right now so that I can look back to this whenever I think something unimaginably revolting has just happened to me or near me or somewhere in the general tri-state area. What is the worst, most vile, terrifying thing that you can imagine happening to you on a bus ride home?

Being shot would be fast. Peeing in your pants? I cant judge, I was moments away about two months ago. Give up?

Painting the picture... Shaun is sitting on his chosen seat, facing forward, minutes from his turn to reach up and push his stop button. Ear buds in, Droid in his hand, thinking about what he will eat for dinner hungrily... And then a man stands up in the aisle near you, with ample floor room in front and behind him. This man is even holding a coat. And this man proceeds to throw up all over- Shaun! On his head, in his clothes, in-between the cracks in his phone and through all of his many backpack pockets. That is right, folks- some strange man's internal bodily fluids were soaking into my friend's skin. And the man's apology? A stunned, silent stand still. The woman behind Shaun, who received more of a light spraying, took the lead in vocalizing what I can only imagine to be sheer repulsion be demanding he get off the bus for his own sake.

The bright side? The woman behind Shaun yelled out, "I don't wash my hair!"

"They" say when a bird poops on you, it is a sign of good luck. So when a man pukes on you, on the eve of your birthday, does that mean you should be playing the lottery today? Or getting vaccinated?

Quote of the Day

There has been a long standing feud between my brother and I. He once called my eyes an unflattering name referring to their color. I retorted with the fact that our eyes are identical. And the feud continues...

Me: "Who's eyes are lighter? Mine or Jordan's?"

Aunt Brenda: "Jordan's."

Jordan: "Yes, they are like a hazel blue with a touch of brown."

Me: "Far from that."

Grandpa Alton: "Mine are pink!!"

Subway Superstar

I was trying to figure out what my Cinco De Mayo lunch would be, since I know that Margarita's are really difficult to get delivered. Why don't I live in Texas? There are so few days that I can actually craft into a theme, I wanted to take full advantage. For instance, I started my day off with a fruit and yogurt parfait. Fruit is colorful, like the Mexican flag. And a great person, Sonthia, decided to throw some more doubt into my mix.

Sonthia: "I have an orchard chicken salad sandwich from Subway! It's this month's $5 foot long. I had it for the first time last year (seasonal) and loved it!"

And I suppose right after I praised her realistic impersonation of someone getting paid to promote this food product, she hit a home run in sales. I need to sit down with her for some tactical training. She sent me this:


Totally made my day! Thank you, Subway!

Quote of the Day

Melissa: "Amanda finally one trivia!"

Me: "You mean 'won'? Good for him."

Melissa: "Amanda is a she."

Self-Embarrassment

I just spent five solid, long minutes wondering why this ditty wasn't singing smoothly in my head:

"The best part of my day is Folgers in my cup!"

I had to let the calm, muscle memory of over-played commercials wash over my sense of awareness in what I just experienced to be the closest thing to meditation. And it came to me.

Waking up!!

Is this why people meditate? Is it all motivation for your brain to give you answers? Where are my spare keys? Where is my phone bill? What is my neighbor's girlfriends name who always wants to stop and chat but I can't for fear it will somehow come up that she rates below people I see once a year, let alone four times a week?

Quote of the Day

Melissa: "How do you dispose of metal hangars?"

Me: "You beat kids with them. Until they disintegrate."