Quote of the Day

Me: "I am so tired!!!"

Melissa: "You're crazy. I choose sleep over other things. You choose life fulfillment."

Now I'm torn between taking my preciously planned nap today, or going against every fiber of my being, hitting the gym and grabbing food out. At the end of the day, I want sleep. But it's kind of cool hearing my friend tell me my life is fulfilling. I know what I really need to do: Get a talking pillow who can tell me more of that.

Situation of the Weekend

My father and stepmother just so happen to be in LA for the Golden Globes this week, as they are every year. Am I jealous? I mean, why would I be? I stayed in this weekend, nursing this infectious death cold leaving the house only to shakily climb onto an elliptical machine and try to stay upright. The only thing that amuses me about their annual trips to walk amongst the stars are my dad's stories. Like the one last year where he kept bumping into Edie Falco and she was pretty sure he was actually stalking her. While he always appears to be nonplussed, his body seems to fail him. From knocking over a stack of champagne flutes while trying to casually lean, or having his voice crack like a thirteen year old version of himself mid-word. I am anxiously awaiting his return to the east coast, where, fingers crossed, he either has some embarrassing stories or Ryan Reynold's cell phone number for me. Thursday night, my father bumped into LL Cool J at a bar. They physically bumped into each other and did that thing where both parties sort of grab each others shoulder's to steady themselves as they apologize.

Dad: "I'm sorry, are you alright?"

LL Cool J: (A quick look up and down) "I think I'll be okay."

Like a big, muscular bird flying into a brick wall. LL Cool J is of course the bird, Dad.

A Plug For North Face

Ironically, the hat I purchased last night is called the High Point Hat, purchased at what felt like a very low point. Let me paint the picture for you: I'm sick, should be resting but work beckons. I stay at work late trying to catch up on my days out. I step outside in a winter coat, thick gloves and a small but warm scarf that is wrapped twice around my neck ad tucked into my coat. The wind hit my face, uncovered, and my first thought was, "My skin is going to rip open." Next came, "My ears are going to sizzle off my head and shatter into pieces when they hit the ground." And just as I was thinking that I was seeing three of things as my vision was slowly freezing over, a man of about five feet in height was speed walking towards me, head cocked to the wall, and screaming on the top of his lungs. Mostly jibberish with some incoherent "Get Away's" and "WHYYYYYYYY?" It's amazing how a psychotic man on the loose barreling toward you can sober your thoughts right up!

Unfortunately, by the time I got into Port Authority and waded onto my bus, my head had turned into a pounding drum, freezing and sweaty. My ears stung and my eyes ached. And don't get me started on my nose. Ten tissues in, I had half a mind to repurpose my scarf since it seemed useless when I needed it most.

I thought about "Northern Exposure." I never saw Janine Turner's nose drip profusely. And this is why I can't really claim to be a solutions oriented person. As I got lost in a fantasy world, my friend K had a very realistic solution. Get a hat! Logic evades me when I need it most nowadays. I hope to keep logical friends by my side as I transition into older, old and eventually, a great grandmother rocking on her front porch telling whomever will listen that I used to live in a small town in Alaska, with almost no hair on my head and not once a runny nose!

Reality Check

I just got my Cynopsis email and read that tonight, at 10pm on Animal Planet, the season premiere of Animal Hoarding airs. And I got legitimately excited! First of all, watching that show, I hold my face for fear that Smell-O-Vision could suddenly come in to existence. I gag or tear up or become disgusted or depressed, and I just got excited about that. Secondly, I now see how close I am to becoming one of these people. Sure, I only have 2 dogs. And yes, I am a touch OCD and am uber-sensitive to odors and could never, ever actually live like those people. But by sitting at home, removed from the world on a Friday night, sitting on the couch with my "animals," how far off can I be?

Quote of the Day

There is something so comically defiant, so far beyond understandable about what a ten year old will and will not put their foot down on. They are fickle, undecided, and testing boundaries is the only thing that's dependable about them. So what happens when a particular ten year old has been fighting about consuming food, touching certain foods with other foods, and heaven forbid, actually tasting something new his entire life? He does it some more. But now, Tristan can understand punishments, and he chooses to cry and fight and go to sleep and lose allowances and games and play dates and forego dessert for ten months, so what is a person to do? Threaten with something new.

After a particularly trying "dinner" session:

Carrie: "If you don't start behaving I'm gonna spank you."

Tristan: "Ummm, don't you think I'm a little old for that?"

Carrie: "Not when I'm using my fist!"

A Little Frazzled

If anyone out there knows any sort of voodoo magic spell that can pause time, please let me know. I think I'd risk eternal damnation for a super cool cheat during this go of it. Life is exhausting! It's tiring enough when I feel at "functioning capacity." For the past few days, I have been plagued with congestion and coughing and sneezing and raw skin under my nose and according to others, severe bags under my eyes and a swollen face. That was particularly awesome to hear. "Oh, you must be really sick, your face is unrecognizably swollen!"

Thanks. Really.

Now I am two days behind work which somehow can feel like 2 weeks. And I joined a gym and haven't been able to go, which doesn't mean too much, except it sheds a looming cloud over the future prospect of my ability to ever motivate myself into utilizing said gym. I caught up on laundry, but I looked around my apartment and discovered a thick layer of dust covering everything. It's as if my tissue sprays have saturated fuzz all over everything I own. And nothing is more disturbing that sitting in an enclosed space with germs taunting your chances of recovery with a thin layer of little gray fuzz. So, I started tackling the dust and Marley threw up. So I switched over to vomit in the carpet clean-up. , Next, came the dishes, and I turned around to see that Mojo had dragged a pillow off of my bed, and in doing so, had stripped my bed of everything. So I remake my bed, and while I'm in my room, I check emails. Work emails. Both reminding me how much work I have left to do, while also taking me away from cleaning. I realized food was probably necessary, as I felt my antibiotic tearing through my stomach. So, I cooked. Second sink full of dishes. Fed the dogs, after which I am unable to touch anything crinkly or prasticy on my counters, because Mojo will then bark thinking it's his next course of dinner. Where he got such a notion and habit, I have no idea. Finally, I lay down, but I'm too congested to lay down and read. So I sit up and watch TV. But I have zero interest in anything except my book. I finally get comfortable with my book, and a friend calls with an urgent two hour conversation that I tried to cut short. The conversation ended when he was exhausted and I was first waking up.

How do people do this with spouses and babies and kids and homework and classes?

Senior Citizen's Can Text, Too

This is completely quoted from my friend, but I didn't want to forget anything...

Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).

If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you.

ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oiling
GLKI: Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In

My 2010 In Review

Found some free time.
Traveled the world.
Hung with my grandfather.
Cut some magazines.
Fell in love-
with a new apartment.
Learned a new town.
The Jersey Shore (in reality and on reality).
Started working in Manhattan.
Bus rides.
Card games.
Irish whiskey.
Puggle ear infections.
Cutting ties and making new ones.


Doesn't sound too painful, in retrospect of course.

Zombies VS. Supermodels

Technically, everyone wants a tan, right? The darker, the better...

Quotes from K

K: "You know, you have the ability to make people just feel at home with you. You're very welcoming. You are just homely."

Me: "Um, you mean homey, I hope."

K: "You and my ex-girlfriend both had issues with that word. I'm sticking with homely."

Me: "Great. Just please keep it to yourself then."

Fun Times Had

Fun Times Had

Have you been here yet? I think every website EVER including CNN.com and WhiteHouseCorrespondantsDinnerDates.com should open with one of the many pictures featured on this site. I just can't decide if I want to meet these people, or hide very, very far away.

Sweater Season

I know that Sweater Season is upon us, although I try my hardest to avoid wearing sweaters like the plague. The hot, temperature uncontrolled fuzzy, linty, obstructing and awkward wardrobe mistake that I make at least once a month on cold mornings in the winter.

However, since the gift giving season has passed, I thought this was especially amusing: Things That Don't Need Sweaters. I love it.

*And from the same creators: Painfully Articulate Facebook Status Drop-Down options.

Frommer's Travel Photo Contest

Since all of my 2010 travel photos were taken with a sub-par camera, my own, and overtly amateur hands, my own, I bow my head in respect for those who went to make memories prepared. Frommer's Travel Photo Contest has a slide show of the Winner and Runner-Ups. My favorite is the Runner Up, which might have been third place below. There's something about a lazy, wild, Alaskan Grizzly Bear napping like a puppy that I can't not coo at.

Time's Top 10's of '10

Time put together a great list of a slew of Top Ten's for 2010. At least, I think. I can't judge. I have decided that instead of lightly scanning this list, and chuckling or wiping away tear of remembrance, I am going to study it in depth, and do research. Why, you may ask? So that in 15 years from now, when I'm sitting around a table with friends playing Trivial Pursuit of the late 2000's, I will maybe have a slight, almost insignificant inkling to lean in the direction of not-the-worst-answer possible. It's all about realistic expectations.

Here's THE List.

And in an effort to save face, I knew about the Volcano (I was there), and Breaking Bad (Awesome), and bedbugs, because my life is cloaked in fear commuting publicly into the infested playground for disease that is New York City.

Marriage Without Divorce?

A long time ago, I decided that my generation wouldn't experience divorce en mass anywhere near as much as my parent's generation did.

This is what I do: Make over arching political and socioeconomic decisions that I have zero control or influence over in my own head.

And contrary to my personal arguments for my opinion, the track records of those around me, in my generation, speak to the opposite of my opinion. Keep in mind, these preconceived notions on everlasting love were created and determined and decided upon when I was probably 12 years old. Sitting in my room, singing along to some Toni Braxton, knowing that if Michael Douglas' wife in Fatal Attraction could forgive him, then marriage without divorce would be real for my generation. Maybe Fatal Attraction isn't the best place to learn about weighty issues like: Rabbits are edible, or Opera lovers are not of sound mind. Or is it?

I always thought how when my parent's generation made irrational decisions jumping into marriage, it was because they could. Arranged marriages and abstinence and dating and young adulthood and independence were words and phrases that were re-defined. And as they continue to be defined, I was sure that we would be able to see what worked, and what definitely did not work, and to make smart, permanent decisions. It just seems like those decisions are defined differently from person to person. I have friends happily married, for now, but more of them are either happily or unhappily divorced. And a few of them are sticking it out Old School: staying unhappily married.

But those people, these examples, all thought marriage was a next step, the way to go, the only option or their best one. What is more interesting is listening to the social echo of the unmarried. I have a good friend of mine, as single and unattached as a person could be, and

Stephanie Coontz agrees with me!

A Daily Dose of Hilarious

I want to have a fight with a crazy cyber entity! The Blogess Fights For Electric Cash. I do have a little "Logic" arguing with me from time to time, though.

Me: "I wish I napped from 6 to 11 last night."

Oudom: "Tough heart needed to push forward. I envy the spirit of the yak."

So, naturally, I understand your pain and enjoyment, Miss Bloggess!

Snapshot

Sometimes, when I get annoyed that the guy downstairs won't ever bring our shared garbage cans or recycling cans (that he personally fills about 90 percent) out to the curb, I need to reach out for some perspective. Looking at notes I took pictures of in my old apartment building's elevator always does the trick.

Also, in a two apartment house, anonymous notes get traced back to the author really fast...

Quote Of The Day

Me: “I’m in NY right now.”

Maureen: “I wish I was in NYC right now.”

Me: “I’m in Monsey.”

Maureen: “You have fun with that.”

Snapshot

On today, the day of my friend D's birthday, I honor her dog, Corky. This jumpy, rodent chasing, skunk killing, snuggly Jack Russell whom you cannot touch a ball in front of unless you are prepared for three hours of fetch or severe barking is the cutest Jack Russell I have ever met. He was also Marley's first "love."

Quote Of The Day

Me: “I think I am going to head over to visit him in an hour, even though I look like 'Night of the Living Dead.'”

Jordan: “So you look like 'Everyday Aly.'”