Snapshot

My dogs don't hump. It's refreshing. Every once in a while, Mojo likes to to try and get laid the old fashioned way, going in for a Marley kiss. But she likes to play Bored Married Couple, and avoids the kiss while shoving him off of her. That's my girl!

Quote of the Day

Jordan: “Nothing compares to bacon bits... Chemically made. Mmmmmm.”

That Totally Looks Like...

TotallyLooksLike

This website, TotallyLooksLike.com is pretty accurate. Instead of comparing non-celebrities to the stars, this blog actually compares celebrities with fellow celebrities, cartoons, anything. My favorite is Al Roker looking like Ollie Williams. TOTALLY!!

Snapshot

Wanted:

A vitamin or supplement that aids in keeping tongues inside of mouths. Email me with suggestions.

Quote of the Day

Alex: “Oh, we should go to my house.”

Julia: “No, I will not enter the den of Satan.”

Snapshot

i reely donot wont theese guise kutting mie grasse beefour they kan reed and rite gooder.

Quote of the Day

Me: “Who is it? Nathan? Oppenheimer?”

Jordan: “You should play a name game… Brush up on some current names.”

Snapshot

Mojo: "Must.Block.Marley. Must!"

Marley: "I miss the old days."

Quote of the Day

Carrie: “Do they have Deer Hunter?”

Alex: “What are you? Sarah Palin now?”

Rooftop Fun

If you are lucky enough to find the happy medium of Manhattan, also known as the rooftop deck, take advantage! You'll know you're there when you realize you are existing in between polluted fog and dirty subway steam. It's kind of magical. I love seasons so much, the differences between a colorful spring day followed by a green and plush summer day. But there's something so intriguing about the New York City Skyline: It's impervious to seasons. Good thing the Empire State Building let's us know what day it is!

Del Hot

For those of you who have ever doubted my taste in men, of which there are many of you, I again fight that Benicio Del Toro is beautiful. Despite the bags under his eyes, despite his often unfortunate bad photo. He is not just charming on screen, he is BENICIO.

Temper, Temper

The following is proof of short tempers running rampant in my family, having skipped over yours truly by the grace of G-d:

Dad: (to my brother) “Wanna see where you get your temper from?”

Jordan: “What happened?”

Dad: “I punched it.”

Jordan: "Why? You didn't save something?"

Dad: "No, it kept turning off and I'd turn it on and it would heat up but kept dying."

Jordan: "Ugh, I wanna punch it myself right now!!"

**Please note: Not only is punching a laptop deemed both reasonable and normal, but Jordan also would seem to think that punching a computer because the user failed to save something would also be an adequate explanation.

What Did Your Childhood Taste Like?

Alpha Mummy posted this article called, "What Did Your Childhood Taste Like?" I loved the idea, and I loved reading everyone's posts and comments following it.

Here is what came to mind:

-Plain Cheerios

-Tomato soup- with alphabet noodles

-Rainbow sherbert

-Scrambled eggs

-Animal crackers

-Twizzlers

-Razzles

-Cooked carrots

-Meatloaf with mini potatoes

I know I ate my weight in plain cheerios many times over as a child. Interestingly enough, thinking back on childhood foods, I remember more of my little brother's choices.

I wonder how much he remembers:

-Choco-anything cereal

-Iced-tea made from powdered mix, way too strong

-Top Ramen Oriental Noodle Packets

-Fruit By The Foot

-Chicken Nuggets

-Devil Dogs

-Chocolate Ice Cream with sprinkles (to be replaced with marble crunch by Carvel)

-Challah french toast

-Tuna subs from Subway

-Bacon bits

-Bacon, lettuce, and mayo sandwiches

-Bacon

-Snickers, which has since been replaced with Baby Ruth bars

-Chocolate milk

-Goldfish and Cheezit crackers

-Steak with A1 sauce, since the time he could say "A I"

-Cinnamon Swirls

Looking back on these lists, it's amazing Jordan has made it this far! 

Snapshot

It took me a moment to realize why Mojo always looks so sleek and clean coming back from the groomer's. They blow dry his hair. I draw the line at infrequent brushing... Because first it's blow drying his hair, and before you know what's happened, it's hand-feeding him slices of filet mignon on a riverboat in Italy, and quite frankly, he's not a strong swimmer.

Quote of the Day

Alex: (To Julia) "You are sooooo Christopher Streeted out!"

Read Me A Book, B.P.

I was never much for audiobooks. For me, reading has to be an entirely devoted act. I want to hold a book open, and spin around finding the most comfortable position that can only last twenty five minutes- tops. I want to pause where I see fit to imagine all that is left unsaid. And more than anything, I know that if I am not physically occupied, I will try to listen while I do dishes, my nails, wash the dogs, scrub the carpet, read another book. I cannot be trusted.

With all of that being said, HELL YES I would listen to a book narrated by Brad Pitt. And not only because I am in love with everything he does, aside from leaving his wife for a charlatan gone Mother Theresa gone Mormon. His voice is the perfect voice to listen to. Agree or disagree?

Here's the link to hear him: Amazing, with a less than perfect shot at Spanish.

Here's the link for the full article: Slate.

Palin As Prrrrrr (sorry, shuddering) President

My friend Mike shared this link with me, PalinAsPresident. So I thought I'd share it with everyone else. Make sure to turn on sound. And if you are like my brother, and cannot under any circumstances get flash to work, here are a few page highlights:

• A piece of paper tacked on the wall with the baby name options Carport, Cashew, Rake, and Purple she can throw darts at to choose.
  
• Blank frames where degrees are supposed to be, and when clicked, she says "Didn't graduate."
• Burning books on the other side of her oval office door.
• A hidden bulldog eating/wearing lipstick hidden in her desk.
• Screaming protesters when a window is opened.
• Nearby oil drilling when another window is opened.
• The running tally of Wolf Kills as you click on the desk.

There is admittedly not much about this that I don't like. Except the ringing true factor.

Snapshot

Anyone that's ever been out to dinner with an eight year old boy knows that the above picture is merely a ruse to make you think he will actually eat the food that is to be placed in front of him. The truth is, that three quarters of a cup of chocolate milk he just inhaled, has filled his belly to max capacity. And even though he will ask to go to the bathroom three times in the next hour, do not think for a moment that it will have any bearing on his inability to eat dinner.

Still, it's good to hope!

Quote of the Day

Julia: “If I was snorkeling and I saw even one fish, I would grab a piece of coral and stab myself to death!! And don’t get me started on dolphins. They rape people.”

Snapshot

They say, "If you spend enough time together, you begin to look alike." I'm curious to know if that means her ribcage width will be shrinking as well.

Quote of the Day

Me: “I just heard about sex.”

Mark: “Took you long enough.”

I Speak American AND English

Weird Fact of the Day: 

According to Illinois state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American."

Snapshot

You don't have to go back in time to experience farm living. Apparently, it's 40 minutes away from Manhattan, current day, in Monsey, New York.

Quote of the Day

During a Three's Company Conversation:

Julia: "That's too old of a reference for me to get it."

Alex: "Well, you know what? You got it anyway, so kiss my butt, nick at nite."

Snapshot

Some people have dogs that sit. Or stay. Or speak on command. Some people have dogs that can be walked off leash, and some people have dogs that actually bring the newspaper and don't just shred it. There are dogs that can ring a bell to be let out. But my dog? He walks on air, so top that, people with obedient dogs. 

Quote of the Day

Me: "This kid was boring- like white bread."

Krystena: "I don't eat white bread, 'cuz it's boring. Just kidding. It's 'cuz it'll give you a yeast infection.

Snapshot

Those eyes are just screeeaaaming, "Please, please help me!"

Quote of the Day

After finding out Tristan forgot all of his games at a friend's house:

Maureen: "What happens when you forget things?"

Tristan: "I'm not saying it."

Maureen: "Well, it doesn't really matter."

Tristan: "Hey!"

Pat: "Hey is for horses."

 
Tristan: "I didn't say that kind of 'Hey!'"

*A little gets lost in translation, because I can't write just how off-the-cuff and quickly this eight year old had a snippy comeback while pouting- deciding whether to cry or punch a wall.

Quote of the Day

Me: “He keeps calling the city, ‘N.Y.C.’”

Julia: “Southern Jersey hick.”

Snapshot

Meet my grandfather. To be honest, I was not witness to this picture. I saw it on my brother's phone, and since then, I have only been able to imagine what could have been the propeller to this. Possibilities include asking him if he wants to watch The View, with Whoopi Goldberg, asking him if he thinks Whoopi Goldberg is attractive, or asking him if he wants to marry Whoopi Goldberg. More than likely, Jordan just instructed the pose. I used to bother asking him why he hated Whoopi so fervently, and every time, the answer was the same. Exasperated, he would say: "She's got NO eyebrows!"

Quote of the Day

Alex: “I’m having him return those soap dispensers. They aren’t long enough to reach.”

Keith: “That’s what she said.”

Me: “Awwww.”

Snapshot

Discover Newark and Trenton? Hmmmmm.

Quote of the Day

Alex: "I'm gonna take your measurements for the coffin you're gonna be in next week, 'cuz you're 93 years old."

Julia: "Well, I'm 5'4", so work around that."

Park Bench Love?

Man Freed From Sex With Park Bench

I've seen homeless men sleeping on park benches. I have seen children climbing over the tops. I have seen readers, fighters, geezers. I have seen eaters, daters, the contemplative and the content. I have seen my dog leap over it in anticipation on some magical jumping prize that doesn't exist. Mostly, I see empty benches, usually collecting water and dust with paint chips in the process of curling up and flaking off. But I have never, ever seen a man inserting himself into bench openings.

And I thought Hong Kong was just like any other city!

Quote of the Day

A.H.: "I don’t have time for stupidity, but stupidity always finds time for me. Reservation for two? Right here."

Snapshot

This was taken streetside... Liars!

Quote of the Day

Alex: “You hold your grudges for way too long.”

Julia: “No, I don’t. You’ve only known me for a year.”

Alex: “Yeah, and you’ve hated me for a year.”

Snapshot

Transparent Feet

He even hi-fives at the speed of sound.

Quote of the Day

Alex: “I don’t understand... And I’m not happy. And when I don’t understand AND I’m not happy, that’s a dangerous combination.”

Snapshot

He's been watching too much America's Next Top Model... But it's proven to be "worthwhile," because he has officially mastered Tyra's awkward, ugly is beautiful pose.

*Side note:  I showed this picture to Jordan, and he said "Underfed much? That dog needs a feeding tube!" This, coming from the guy who says Marley is huuuuuge. Nothing's every good enough, huh?

Quote of the Day

Adam: “Aww, Cuban? I just had a burrito last night.”

Alex: “What the hell does that have to do with Cuban? That’s like saying, ‘Aww pizza? I just had a hamburger last night.’”

Snapshot

Dear Impulse for Men,

Listen, I don't want to know what you sell. The tailored shirts hanging in your window put up an unrealistic front. This is America! Maybe you should be a little more discreet, as there were children walking by even as I snapped this picture. Go back to the red light district, or change your name. Perverts.

Thank you.

Quote of the Day

Alex: “Happy New Year is January 1st. Jews and Chinese just cant seem to get their shit together on this point. I don’t know why, but stop running your life by a lunar calendar.”

Me: “I hate you.”

Alex: “I love me. I love me so much that I don’t even care that you hate me.”

The Great Schlep

My friend sent me a link for a "funny Sarah Silverman" video, and I thought, it must be 15 seconds long. 15 seconds has been the longest I have ever really enjoyed Sarah... Until now!  She has made a video called "The Great Schlep" urging Jewish grandchildren of the greater tri-state area to venture down to Florida to beg our grandparents to vote for Obama.

It's completely worth the 4:22 of everyone's time though. And while it's sad, and hilarious because it rings true, I will never understand why die-hard democrats get so damn crochety in their old age! 

Just a few of my favorite quotes:

• "You could compare an elderly Jewish woman, like Nana, to a young black man. They may seem totally different, but on paper, they're the same. I mean, think about it. Track suits! Let's start there, they both love track suits!"
  
• "They both say 'Yo' all the time, or Jews go right to left, 'Oy.'"
  
• "You know why your grandparents don't like Barack Obama? Because his name sounds scary, sounds Muslim, which he's obviously not. Yes, Barack Hussein Obama, it's a super f**king sh*tty name. But you'd think that somebody named Manishewitz Gooberman might understand that." (P.S. Grandma, if someone shows you this article, "The name Barack is a Hebrew name. It means 'lightning.' And I would much rather have a president whose name means lightning than a president whose name is John whose name means toilet, or a guy who f**ks hookers.")

Snapshot

Are you really leaving for work again???

Water Bottle As Accessory?

Kor Water and RKS Design believe that they have created a water bottle that will mimic the portability and popularity of the I-Pod when it first came out. Click here for the article and video. I will be the first to admit that I have been eyeing a Sigg Water Bottle for quite some time. They are cool and good for the environment and sturdy like a bullet. But to think that a water bottle will be as popular as a cutting edge tiny digital media player, come on! Maybe if it were a miniature digital media player/water bottle that massaged your shoulders as you chugged from its infinite icy well, then I'd be a fan!

Quote of the Day

Me: “You're cheap.”

Jordan: “Cheap? On the contractory. So X-O Facto, I'm not cheap.”

Stuffed Mojo?

I was linked to this CuteOverload article:  Matching Puppies! That article led me to this very talented stuffed animal artist's page, Amelia Makes Art on Etsy. It was there that I found my dog, stuffed and frizzy:

It would probably be wrong to wonder how life would really be with Mojo stuffed...

J.K. Rowling Is Serious Business

I am writing this to act as fair warning to anyone who thought they might retaliate against Julia for any number of reasons by insulting the lovely, ever-talented and creative Ms. J.K. Rowling. I, of course, would never speak of such blasphemy. Aaron dared to. And he got this taped onto his computer monitor:

Snapshot

You know those people who have infinity glass windows and glass doors? And they add decals or some design to the glass so that people know to not walk through them? Well, these glass doors have black separators. So maybe the huge stop sign is a bit of overkill. Okay, Dad?

Cats Getting Allllll The Love

How cute is your cat?

And where is the dog competition? I've been thinking of sending pictures into Goodlife Recipe, because on the bag of the bags, they feature dogs with their owners. And they encourage customers to send in their photos. I think it would make me feel better about not having cutest dog competitions to enter.

Also, I thought this would be a good place to share pictures of the most cat-like dog I have ever met: Izzy, my office mascot.  She is independent, only social with her parents, goes out of her way to not be touched or approached. Aside from her barking, there's not too much about her that reminds me of a dog. She was sold to my boss as a Havanese. I believe she is a Bichon Frise. He says it's because of her hair cut. I think it's because of her breed.

Look at that face! She is so humanly expressive it's almost scary. And I try every day for her to act like a dog with me. In three years, she has licked me maybe three times, and I give her treats!

Quote of the Day

Jordan: “Mom, if Condoleezza Rice and Al Sharpton had a baby, she would be you. And Aly, you would be Jewel, writing songs about relationships you never had.”

Snapshot

My dogs always have their tongues out. I mean, there's a time and a place: heat, exertion. But come on! Just hanging around with your tongue out? Where do they get it from?

Quote of the Day

Julia: “What time is it?”

Me: “Guess.”

Julia: “4:25”

Me: “4:18”

Julia: “It’s like the price is right, I lost.”

Snapshot

All arrows point to you, Jordan...

I love how sand isn't the only image that brings back the ocean. Where are there signs like this in north Jersey?

Quote of the Day

Alex: “You know what's interesting? I am like the Almighty Zoltar. Not only do I answer every question you've given me, but I'm also always right.”